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AIBU?

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Original poster

Step monsters... I mean children

154 replies

Mellie1025 · 22/01/2018 17:14

I'm at the end of my very long rope and I'm not sure what to do about it.

I have a step child who's life I have been actively involved with for four years now. She was four when her dad and I got into a serious relationship. We've all lived under one roof now for two year. When I say all it's me, my partner, my daughter who's 15 and this child (50 percent of the time). She's an incredible jealous child who comes by it honestly because her mother is raising her to be hateful and rude.

We have been through it all with this kid. From her lying, to stealing and hiding stuff to her mother calling childrens services and having them come into our home and ask questions about our sex life. This past weekend was the last straw from me. She was in the bathroom having a shower and she broke the holder we use for our tooth brushes... Came from the dollar store, it wasn't a big deal... Instead of her just telling her dad it got broken and moving with life, she blamed me... I wasn't even in the same room. Daddy dearest believed her and it caused a HUGE blow out. I know it's not all her fault, and the adults in her life need to start taking control and teaching her right from wrong.

I love my partner dearly and the 50 percent of the time she's not with us we have a wonderful life and get along famously. I'm considering not being there when he has his daughter over just to avoid fighting and arguing.

I need advise badly.

OP posts:
Flowerpot1234 · 22/01/2018 17:28

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree

No idea why a cheap dollar store holder would cause a huge blow out. Sounds like a massive overreaction.

You have no idea because you have completely missed the point. The issue is not the value of a damaged holder, which is not a big deal. The issue are the lies of this child, and her sneakily attempting to lay the blame at her stepmother's feet.

DaisysStew · 22/01/2018 17:28

Would your reaction to what seems to be a very minor incident have been the same if it was your own child? Would you refer to her as a monster for telling a fib?

Surely you can see that your going overboard- children tell lies. My little brother accidentally pooed the bed when he was small. He instantly blamed my mum and insisted it was her that had done it Grin. My mum didn’t take it personally and start being nasty to him because that would be ridiculous.

You’re an adult. You entered into a relationship with a man knowing he had children and they would be a part of your life. If you can’t be civil to an 8 year old then you have to end the relationship - don’t make the child suffer. I highly doubt you’d be happy if you found out your dp feels the same way about your daughter that you do about his.

PaintingOwls · 22/01/2018 17:29

Are you having blow out arguments within her earshot?

lookingforthecorkscrew · 22/01/2018 17:29

I strongly suspect this ‘step monster’ knows exactly what you think of her and is acting accordingly. Maybe you and ‘daddy dearest’ should try communicating more effectively about how you raise her.

TittyGolightly · 22/01/2018 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Mellie1025 · 22/01/2018 17:31

NewYearNiki It's not considered "dissing" when it's true. He's no angel but she's openly admitted to lying and cheating to get what she wants.

Thanks for judging before you know the facts

OP posts:
DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 22/01/2018 17:31

You have no idea because you have completely missed the point. The issue is not the value of a damaged holder, which is not a big deal. The issue are the lies of this child, and her sneakily attempting to lay the blame at her stepmother's feet.

No, i saw the point. Which is why is said I would have just laughed and said don’t be silly. Rather than have a blow out. There didn’t need to be any blow out.

livefornaps · 22/01/2018 17:32

Haha, busted!

stopbeingadramallama · 22/01/2018 17:33

After reading the link from your old post all I can say if WOW😂

Your relationship is a joke.

Why don't you run off to lover boy so he can make things better again?

lookingforthecorkscrew · 22/01/2018 17:33

Not a lot of empathy going on in your family, is there?!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 22/01/2018 17:34

You sound lovely, just the sort of person I would want around my children 50% of the time.

Get a grip stop blaming a small child for the drama in her life caused by the adults in it

Flowerpot1234 · 22/01/2018 17:34

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree

There didn’t need to be any blow out.
You find lying, deceitful children acceptable? You're ok with children who damage things pretending that other people have damaged them instead?

OMG.

pallisers · 22/01/2018 17:34

What does it matter whether it is the mother's fault or the child's fault or your fault or your husband's fault that you are in this toxic environment.

The reality is there is an 8 year old child whose home is also your home. She sees your daughter living full-time with her dad. Can't be easy.

If you can't deal with the consequences of your reality (and god knows, I don't think I could live with someone else's child myself, living with my own was hard enough at times), you should not be in this living arrangement. She didn't get a choice - you did.

You can't wave a magic wand and make her into a happy step child. She isn't. It is likely to get worse when she is a teen. If you can't manage to contribute to a non-toxic family life with her, then you and your husband need to reassess your relationship and living arrangement.

lookingforthecorkscrew · 22/01/2018 17:34

The more I read of this the more I think of that poor kid caught up in it all...

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 22/01/2018 17:35

Ooh careful titty. I’ve had my knuckles rapped today for just mentioning a poster’s previous thread.

Tessliketrees · 22/01/2018 17:35

Anybody adult who talks about an 8 year old like that is a terrible person.

Perhaps reflect on that?

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 22/01/2018 17:36

You find lying, deceitful children acceptable? You're ok with children who damage things pretending that other people have damaged them instead?

OMG.

I can actually deal with inappropriate behaviour without exploding at anyone.

Pengggwn · 22/01/2018 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 22/01/2018 17:38

flower some times you boggle me

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 22/01/2018 17:40

I’m not sure if being worried about getting into trouble is the problem.

It seems more like a massive great signpost form a child who’s having a problem expressing her feelings about how screwed up her family is or who isn’t being listened to when she does.

If you want to improve it you might have to try working out what it is she’s trying to tell you.

newyearfabulousness · 22/01/2018 17:41

She broke a toothbrush holder and then lied about it?
Fucking hell. Get out, save yourself!

5plusMeAndHim · 22/01/2018 17:41

If the thing was such cheap crap it probably just fell and cracked

thethoughtfox · 22/01/2018 17:42

Of course she feels sad and left out as she doesn't have her daddy around all the time and another girl (your daughter) does. And when she is around, she has to share his time and attention with you and your daughter. This is not a 'jealous' adult but a little girl who needs love and as much time with her daddy as possible every time she comes over until she feel secure and she won't need to act up any more. How much one-to-one time does she get with him?

JaneEyre70 · 22/01/2018 17:42

Honest answer, walk away. You have no say in how mum or dad chooses to bring this girl up, and you have at least another 10 years of this going on. But whatever you do, don't blame a child for how she is allowed to behave by her parents.

VileyRose · 22/01/2018 17:42

The fact she is a step child is irrelevant. She is in your house and family and you should treat her as your own x

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