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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My daughter is having noisy sex

171 replies

Smarmydrippings · 21/01/2018 22:13

I don't know how to cope with this. She is 27.
On the one hand I'm so happy she feels so comfortable in her sexually. Like go on lovey.
On the other I really don't want to actually hear it.
How would you deal with this?
Help me Mumsnet.

OP posts:
esk1mo · 21/01/2018 22:39

thats so disturbing, that she knows you can hear and still does it! you’re her mother, why would you want to hear her getting off.

maybe im odd but that will never be normal to me!

retirednow · 21/01/2018 22:39

I can understand her bf feeling embarrassed,

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 21/01/2018 22:39

I'm not sure that you're helping her, with that attitude. She'll be at home, but expected to control her volume, if she ever lives with other people/her kids.

It's basic courtesy really.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 21/01/2018 22:40

I’m very comfortable with my sexuality, I also have the decency to realise other people don’t want to hear me having sex. The two are not mutually exclusive. Get her told.

NurseButtercup · 21/01/2018 22:40

The louder it is the more fake it is (usually).

Grin
roomsonfire · 21/01/2018 22:40

Air horn x 2 when she's done. A good 3 hoot salute should do the trick!

NewBrian · 21/01/2018 22:41

I think it’s really disrespectful and nothing do with being comfortable with her sexuality. When I was younger someone’s mum heard me and barged right in screaming that her house wasn’t a knocking shop, I was mortified! Same woman did wake every time we went to toilet (and we weren’t even allowed to flush) so I think her supersonic hearing was partly to blame.

StressedtoHellandBack · 21/01/2018 22:45

I was married before I ever stayed with my PILs. I would not even speak in case PILs heard us. I certainly would not have had sex in their house even as a married couple.

It is about respect for others and their home

Original poster
Smarmydrippings · 21/01/2018 22:50

OK I will talk to her. I'll explain how I feel and see what happens.
I think I probably don't want to say anything bad to her because she is the last of my three children to leave home.
I'm moving my boundries, because I'm afraid of the empty nest.
mind blown

I do appreciate all answers. Thank you

OP posts:
Schlimbesserung · 21/01/2018 22:54

I'm slightly surprised that you seem to think it's somehow healthy that she knows you can hear her and still makes the noises anyway. She is being very open about her wish to have noisy show-off sex trumping your need to not hear that.
This situation reminds me a bit of a friend of mine. Her kid behaved in a similar way and eventually suggested that her mother should be the one to move out, since she didn't need such a big house any more. I wish I could say that my friend laughed in her face.

Emmageddon · 21/01/2018 22:54

It's a bit odd in that she knows you can hear her, but has done nothing to keep the noise down. I'd tell her that I find it uncomfortable and perhaps she should move in with her boyfriend now. She's being discourteous. If she was sharing a house with anyone else, she'd soon be told to be more considerate.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/01/2018 22:54

I think that’s a very good idea. It doesn’t look as if she’s in a position to leave just yet so I’d want the situation to be comfortable for both of you while she remains. No way could I be cool mum on this one.

notthesortofmummyyouhopedfor · 21/01/2018 22:55

Play ‘sexual healing’ at full volume and see if she gets the hint?

TattyCat · 21/01/2018 22:55

Op, I think I'd ask them to stop having sex in your house. That will focus their minds on getting a place of their own!!

[tongue in cheek, obviously]

But really, stop letting her make you uncomfortable in your own home! It's no longer hers, really, not at 27. You are helping her - she needs to respect that.

Schlimbesserung · 21/01/2018 22:55

Took too long typing there. Sounds like you'll work it out.

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2018 22:55

She is a woman in her own home and entitled to enjoy life in every way she can

It may be her home, but it's provided for her by you, because it's your house.

She should have far more respect than to mention that your can hear her over morning coffee and laugh about it.

Ratinthehat · 21/01/2018 23:11

That's so disrespectful. I remember being as quiet as a mouse round my boyfriend's parents when I was about 20. Never did it again there after realising his mum had walked in and put tea next to us while we were at it Blush

Lalalaleah · 21/01/2018 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rightsaidfrederickII · 21/01/2018 23:15

I'm close to your daughter in age. I was living independently in London from 23, and from 19 in another city.

Why is she not moving into a flatshare? If she's waiting until she can afford her own one bed flat you'll have grandkids before she's moved out. Hmm

Uterusuterusgarlic · 21/01/2018 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iloveanimals · 21/01/2018 23:33

I too think it's a lack of respect. If I knew other people were in my home I'd keep it down out of consideration for others. It sounds more like it's become a joke between you rather than an actual issue. Being comfortable doesn't mean being inconsiderate

jack2001 · 21/01/2018 23:41

It's lack of respect not being comfortable with her sexuality. Who would want their Mum to hear them shagging?? 🤮🤮

FartsMeanHearts · 21/01/2018 23:49

Gross you need to tell her 🤢🤮

Falmer · 22/01/2018 00:11

Weird! I'd rather not have sex at all than my mother hear it!

ToadOfSadness · 22/01/2018 00:19

Play this loudly outside her door. Actually maybe not, it might encourage her.

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