To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

OP

Were your feelings hurt before you started this thread?

More or 6less^ hurt than the people struggling right now to breastfeed?

To be clear, 17 years on it doesn't matter a jot to me but these threads always end this way

I breastfed. I still think this thread is a pathetic brag-fest and anybody with an iota of sensitivity wouldn't post in such a goady way.

I mean, where will it end?
"AIBU to be proud that all my children have the same father?"
"AIBU to be proud to have never had a day's sick in my life?"
"AIBU to be proud to have never had a weight problem?"
"AIBU to be proud that I can manage motherhood and still run the world every day?"

PROUD:

having or showing a high or excessively high opinion of oneself or one's importance.

Yep, that's about right for the OP.

I've been on both sides of the fence in the sense that I was unable to BF DC1 (despite my greatest efforts) and was fortunate enough to be able to BF DC2. Do I feel the need to go round proclaiming how proud I am of myself? No. And I think to do so would be increadibly hurtful and insensitive to mums who have been unable to. I'm a member of an online BF support network and occasionally someone posts on there to say how proud they are of themselves and I just think how sad and indulgent it comes across. I feel like this because of how shit it made me feel after I had DC1.

When you look through history before formula was even invented and people had no choice other than to bf or have a wet nurse, what was the average life expectancy? People died of all sorts of diseases and illness breast milk didn't keep them immune from. What was the main reason people didn't fight those illnesses? Lack of nutrition? The poor environment they were living in? Both? Lack of medicine?

Bf, as people are saying, is on the decline but life expectancy is higher than ever. Why? Better nutrition, better health care, better living environments, more medicine.

Bf is good yes but it has nothing to do with your long term health exclusively.

I feel INCREDIBLY guilty even now that I couldn’t BF that one child of mine. That they didn’t get the same start as the rest of mine and I worry all the time that I have harmed them in some way that they’ll get ill and it’ll be because of me not bf.

So yes, it is about guilt. I do feel awful about it.

Why would anyone berate someonevfor being proud of sticking to breastfeeding?

No it doesn't always happen. It's not always easy and if it doesn't work not one person on the planet should make anyone feel bad.
But saying 'I breastfed just like millions of women have done before me so meh' is disrespectful.

Women and babies die through childbirth and feeding issues.

No one who has not been able to, or has chosen not to breastfeed, should be made to feel bad or inferior, but equally, someone who wants to celebrate their success in breastfeeding, should be afforded the same respect. Parenthood, childbirth, feeding are difficult, tiring and endlessly challenging choices. If a woman man came on here and said "yay! I just gave birth drug free, in the woods, and I just ate my fried placenta' I might not feel I connected with that person's experience but I sure as hell wouldn't go out of my way to berate that person for celebrating an experience that was important to them.

There is always room for more kindness, no matter what our own personal experiences have been.

Throughthick, I don't think people should make others feel bad about it at all. I just don't think we should have to be quiet about things we feel proud of.

But no one ever ever celebrates success in formula feeding. No one ever ever said to me you did the right thing for DS and he had to get fed and it was absolutely the right thing for him to be fed whatever the means.

No one outside the doctors ever said that and even when we left hospital it was all if you had tried harder and could have this and did you try that and this and the other.

Well done OP. I'm proud of you too. It's a great thing.

I formula fed my boys. I'm also proud of my decision to not be bullied by midwives and my scores of BF friends. I'm proud that I followed my heart and chose the path right for me. Formula.

All mums should be proud that they do the best for themselves AND their kids. And proud that their little tummies are full at the end of each day regardless of where it came from.

Indeed, but what if said free-range woman said "AIBU to be proud that I gave birth drug-free in the woods and had a fried placenta for afterwards"... sounds different then, doesn't it?

I can't stand braggarts. They are not kind and not sensitive to other people, just full of their own importance and unable to gauge their audience... or when they post on AIBU, they gauge it fine-well.

Well done OP. I am on my second bf baby and it is bloody hard work sometimes. I am proud too.

Just want to add that being a mother can be really challenging and everyone should be proud of themselves for many different reasons. For the record, I am in no way knocking ff, people just try and do their best

You get to be proud of achieving something that was both a good thing and hard for you, so that you could have taken the easy route and given up, but didn't.

You bet I'm proud to have breastfed my child: I stuck at it, even though my nipples bled and bits came off them, because I thought it was important.

Someone else might not be proud of breastfeeding, either because they didn't think it important or because it came easily to them.

Someone else might be proud of their perfect A level grades. I wouldn't, because they came easily to me.

Whatever, any time you express that you're proud of something you've done, you'll put someone's back up, so be careful.

However careful you are, congratulate yourself internally. We all need to do things we're proud of from time to time.

I felt proud of being able to do it and doing it for so long because all I ever read about was how hard it was, how, how very few people could or did do it. Therefore it sounded like it was something really difficult and I was proud that I could do.
In hindsight, being pleased is a more accurate term.
I hate the fact that if you talk about successfully breastfeeding, you are told that you are toast or asked to be quiet.

Gosh OP I'm sure this is just echoing what others have said but I felt compelled to reply when I read your thread...

There is nothing wrong with feeling proud with yourself for breastfeeding, you have every right to feel proud! But to feel that you should be able to just share this with anyone/everyone implies a lack of empathy for others' situations. My son is 3 months old and I always planned to breastfeed and assumed that's what would naturally happen. My son has never latched properly, I had mastitis when he was 3 weeks old, cracked nipples every time we've attempted to feed at the breast and the point we're currently at is that I have to express breastmilk 8 times a day and feed him via a bottle. My journey with feeding has been physically and emotionally painful, so when I hear others talking with pride about their breastfeeding journey I can't help but feel upset that it hasn't worked that way for me no matter how badly I wanted it. As I said, nothing wrong with you feeling proud of breastfeeding and achieving your own goals in doing it but please bear in mind that not all of us are that lucky to have it work out so would find it upsetting to have someone display pride (which can easily come across as boasting even if it's not intended to).

AIBU to be proud...

to have been married to the same man for over 20 years?

to have never have been divorced?

that both my kids have the same dad, and same surnames?

that I have always had a job?

that I have never claimed benefits?

that I have always had lots of friends?

that I have always lived in an 'owned home,' not rented?

that I have travelled to over 30 countries?

AIBU to be proud of all this???

Tilts head and waits for all the compliments and back patting...

I'm proud that my dc have nearly completed primary school without having one day off sick, despite midwives telling me they would have lower immune systems to illness's if I didn't bf them.

I'm not proud of feeding my child, it's a necessity and I'd be failing as a parent if I didn't. What a weird way to look at it.

Why would you be proud about doing something that is just natural that zillions of other women do? Also, for the mothers that for any reason can't breastfeed, to hear how 'proud' you are makes them feel shit and also think less of you for boasting. If you can/choose to bf, then good for you; just get on with it.

Wow. In no way am I self indulgent or big headed or have a feeling of self importance. Im pretty sure no one would use any of those words to describe me. I am not bragging either.

Seems all people want to do is tear each other down .

To the poster asking if I felt shit before and after the thread. Yes I do bit thats ok isn't it. Wouldn't want to hurt others feelings. Not once have I slagged formula but most people seem to think its ok to slag those that bf.

@Bluedoglead I totally take my hat off to you. I look at formula feeding and am in aw of the level of organisation required to formula feed.

You are celebrated. Because there were times when, as a bf Mum I wished I had ff. there are pros and cons to both choices. But ultimately as long as we nurture and care for our kids, that's all that really matters.

From one Mum to another: you are celebrated and you were never judged.

Mumma - but if you have another child and it works next time maybe you’d want to feel proud too

Lamb has the right idea - be proud for whatever your achievements are. Mumma in your situation is was that you were strong enough to move to ff which was the right decision for your baby rather than put your personal desire to breastfed first