To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

Maybe I should say "I'm proud I had 2 natural vaginal births." Oh, you couldn't have a vaginal birth? Oh well you failed then didn't you! (I am of course not being serious) because I understand not everything to do with birth/babies goes to plan and it doesn't matter I'm the long term anyway..

@TwilightRiver I completely understand.

I couldn't birth naturally. But I did breastfeed. Doesn't mean I'm berating anyone who formula feeds (I changed to ff when my first was 4 months)

I do understand how good it feels to know that you've been able to do something that nature intended.

I also know that shit happens and life doesn't always pan out how you want it to.

How about we all say 'good job' and move on?

As long as we're all caring parents, who cares? And if you're not personally involved, either be kind or move on to another thread that suits?

Life is too short for this sort of nastiness.

blankies because of her halo over the issue, she'll piss off/make Jeremy friends feel inadequate if they can't. Why can't you see that?

Ain’t no - its ok and good to say the first bit but not the second bit

By celebrating someone’s success no one is saying other people have failed

Aintno you do seem determined to prove that breastfeeding and ff are not different. It’s very hard to prove exact outcomes long term for both for obvious reasons but you can’t deny the wonders of breastmilk as a substance, so you can deduce that it is clearly very beneficial for babies. And they are discovering new things all the time . Here’s just one example
www.sciencealert.com/sugars-in-human-breast-milk-could-represent-a-new-class-of-antibiotics

her friends, no idea what Jezza has to do with it.

Unless so body asks, I am not going to go round telling people that I managed to pump for 9 months. I am pleased about it personally, but I don't feel the need to share it widely.

Both ff and bf are hard work. Bf is hard in that you just can't leave baby if you demand feed. Baby is constantly with you which can be really tough going. Obviously some people have physical discomfort too.

Ff is hard with the sheer amount of prep work, getting up in the night making bottles being wide awake whilst you feed them. The expense. When you bf in the night your hormones knock you out back to sleep. Ff mums may be more tired. Bf is easy just to go out or travel without bags full of water and powder.

I've four and done both bf and ff and they are both good and bad. No one should feel proud either way as it was your choice to have baby amd presumably you k ew that would entail feeding it regularly.

These threads have been done to death.

I couldn't bf as I didn't produce milk. I had definate guilt over this.Its not always a choice

But aero - you should be proud of it - it’s incredibly hard to pump for that long

The key bit is not telling anyone else they have failed - people are reading that when it’s not there

It’s a bit like someone saying they are proud because they ran a marathon - no one is saying that everyone who didn’t run a marathon failed!!

I chose to ff and I was definitely on the receiving end of critical comments. No one was shy about giving an opinion. Bottle feeding wasn't straightforward either but I wouldn't say I'm proud. Just pleased that she's nourished. Definitely talk to your mum friends about it, they'll only think your putting yourself on a pedestal if you behave that way.

Ginger makes a good point.

I had a c section.

My best friend is very proud that she managed to give birth without intervention or painkillers. As she should be, it sounds like very hard work.

Her pride doesn’t make me feel in any way ashamed even though I’d have preferred not to have a section.

People on MN are very quick to assume that others are judgmental.

Not everything is about you

yeah still bf, really proud I didnt think we would make it this far

Why not say “yeah still bf, it was a bit tough to start with but getting the hang of it now” instead of being a dick and using the provocative proud word.

Breastmilk is healthy and so is ff. neither really determines how healthy your child will be in the long term because so many other factors determine how healthy a person's immune system is in the long term.

Yes I was proud of myself for having two natural vaginal births but that's neither here nor there to anyone else because quite frankly who really cares?

You’re allowed to be proud of something without telling the whole world. Although I’d agree that you’re pleased with yourself rather than proud.

People who run marathons aren’t usually dicks about it, you don’t have to be either. Just say you’re pleased you’ve managed this long and leave it at that. It’s not hard!

throughtthick I have in no way have a 'halo' about it. I stick at nothing. This is the one thing ive stuck at . I am proud. As i keep saying I dont feel you should not feel proud for making the best choice of your family. Other people get to talk about that, but its ok to hurt someone who bf's feelings by saying theyre not allowed to talk about it or to be proud ?

I'm proud of my degrees. I'm proud of my sporting achievements. I'm also proud if what I've achieved in my career.

Am I proud that I fed my children like generations of women have done without boasting about it on the internet? Nah.

Meh, I bf because I couldn’t be bothered to clean and make bottles and wanted an excuse to sit around with my babies half the day. Nothing to be proud of there

And as a breastfeeding mum - I got a lot of negative comments actually - mostly from medical staff as my baby was in hospital a lot and medical people love to know how much they’ve had and constantly quiz you as if you are starving them
It was very very difficult to be confident, with a critically ill baby and say ‘do you know what I think I’ve got this actually’ and then do 24/7 hospital stays as she wouldn’t then take a bottle. No one ever told me well done from what I can tememver - it was mostly just treated as an inconvenience to everyone having to draw the curtains, feed me, not schedule feedings etc

I gave birth by induction after 4 days, no pain relief, it was agony but I have no desire to be 'proud' of it or run round telling people.

I BF both DDs for 8 months each. I was proud I suppose but also it just didnt often come up in conversation. like now they are older I dont feel the need to tell people where I buy DDs dinner from or what theyre having. It never occured to me to tell them back then either.

People who run marathons aren’t usually dicks about it

You’re kidding right? People who run marathons post continually on FB and Strava, wear their race shirts with pride and display their medals, have car stickers and get tattoos.

They tell everyone

Breastfeeding can’t be compared to having a shit. Or everyone would successfully breastfeed. Fact is that it is harder for some than others, and some decide to give up and give formula.

I breastfed for 3.7 years and I am pleased with that. Sometimes I would have given up sooner but my children wanted it more than I wanted to give up.

I think you’re right OP. The replies to this thread only supports your argument. People can’t be proud of breastfeeding without being accused of being smug about it.

Well done - statistically the majority give up by 6 months- see how you feel then.

It's probably down to jealousy or guilt that they didn't bf. Breastfeeding rates in this country are terrible so you should feel proud OP, well done.

To those who liken breastfeeding to doing a poo, calling it just a bodily function - really? I can see your bitterness a mile off.

@TwilightRiver

Why do you have to say you are 'proud' to breastfeed? There's nothing special about doing it.

When some new mothers are unable to do it, it makes you sound like arrogant and pious.

And no, I am not a 'moaning cow' and I am not a jellus bulleh. I breastfed my kids; I just didn't act like a pious special snowflake for doing it.