To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

@TwilightRiver re-read my post if you haven't already. It's not even about bf vs ff, but that your choice (that's luckily worked out well for you) might not be something that makes others feel happy. Feeling proud is fine, expecting others to want to share in your pride regardless of how painful it might be for them is less so.

Your baby is 5 months.

See when they’re 55 months or 555 months? Then be proud of something. Be proud of their contribution to society when they’re an adult and do something noteworthy. Right now, BF then is every bit as much an accident of biology as is not needing a c-section.

Getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth, having a newborn is all bloody hard work.

Women should support each other more and with less judgement. We all do the best with what we've got. I breastfed my three sons and when this baby comes I will breastfeed her too. Why? Because that's what I choose to do. If I needed to ff I would.

Do I judge women who don't breastfeed? No. Would I like to feel supported in my choices assuming those choices were made with the best of intentions and information? Yes please.

Those equating breastfeeding to doing a poo are presumably against breastfeeding in public.

@Rainbowsandflowers78 (did you mean me in your post? Sorry if not!) I'd definitely feel proud if next time it works out, but I'd never publicly proclaim that I was proud- feeling pride intrinsically is enough and I'm even more aware of how sensitive a topic it can be given my experience and my friends I have that have also had real difficulties with breastfeeding.

Wasn't sure if you did mean me in your post as I haven't chosen to move to ff despite many people saying at times that I should, I'm definitely not saying that I never would, but at the moment I'm not ready to consider it and I know if I do decide to switch it has to be because I want to and not because others have pressured me into it, otherwise I know I'd regret it.

Blue - not it’s not an accident of biology. It’s not that everyone who bf just finds it easy - some do, sonevfins it incredibly hard and painful. I’ve fed on nipple shields for over a year and then fed another baby coming out of intensive care so from tube feeding to breastfeeding - neither was easy! I’m proud, of course, because it mattered to me.
Please take your bitterness elsewhere.

I breastfed for 14 months, exclusively for 6. I didn't feel proud as found it incredibly easy and convenient. Well done if you've found it hard but don't know why you have to talk about it and feel proud.

Yes I meant you

Op, you do not deserve the grief you've been given here. Breast feeding can be really difficult and painful for some people, I bf DD1 and struggled through 6 months and yep I was really proud. I was only able to bf DD2 for 2 weeks, actually slightly less, then she has to go on to formula - I had no choice but I still felt like I'd let her down but my word it was easier.
I think you should feel proud, maybe just don't post on here about it!

Just get on with it and be proud to yourself. No one else needs to know.

Also, bf is such an emotive area- those women that can't for whatever reason normally feel bad (I couldn't because of drugs I was taking). Why would you want to make someone feel bad? You wouldn't go on about how proud you were to be a mum to someone who couldn't have children?

I think so much is down to luck. I struggled with bf but got there due to a fantastic and supportive DH (NHS support was awful). He knew how important it was to me so helped me keep going but neither he nor I look down on ff.

Just fed the baby - whether you are bf or ff, it's hard work being a parent.

You never know how you might feel if you had another child. For many people they can’t feed their first then for whatever reason it clicks with the second. Sorry if I got the facts confused - Sundaynightitus

YANBU. I'm proud but I would never say it out loud because of the responses here!

I've breastfed three babies. It's been hard work. I fed through mastitis, thrush, hellish cluster feeding phases and toddler acrobatics. My 18 month old has never slept more than a few hours at once and pretty much needs to be latched on all night to sleep but I'm proud that despite every single person who knows this telling me to 'just give him a bottle' for the past year and a half I have kept going.

I've NEVER said I'm proud of myself in real life though- wouldn't dare. As soon as anyone finds out I'm breastfeeding (it's quite hard to keep it quiet when you have a toddler pawing at you) I'm offered a reason why they didn't (I really don't care) and someone actually said to me when DS2 was a few weeks old that formula is just as good if not better than breastfeeding as you know exactly how much they're getting.

This thread makes me feel so sad. Why can we not celebrate a woman feeling happy that something she tried to Do worked out?

I don't feel she was attaching anyone personally. She was just happy she managed to do something that is often difficult.

I can't believe people are comparing breast feeding to having a poo!!!!

Of course it's an achievement, it's an achievement to grow a tiny human in your tummy, give birth to it and feed it. totally natural and something millions of people have done before of course but it's still a big deal on an individual level.

Who can say what OP should or shouldn't feel proud of? people are very bitchy and bitter.

Not once have I slagged formula but most people seem to think its ok to slag those that bf.

Who’s slagging off those who chose to breastfeed? I don’t see that here (or anywhere). Actually, as usual, all I see is those who FF having to justify their decision, because those who are so ‘proud’ of being able to bf bring out those replies. Exactly why announcing how ‘proud’ someone is to breastfeed shouldn’t be announced in public, not unless you enjoy undermining others (intentionally or not).

My close friend bf, I ff. I don't think either of us gave a shiny shit how the other was feeding their baby tbh. In the western world it's just choice isn't it.

I guess it's only an issue for those with babies. Rarely do you hear from a mother of a 22 year old lad "I breastfeed him you know and I'm so proud...!" 😬

I am ashamed to say that I am still breastfeeding my 2 year old. I did also with my first. I just found it much easier than having to sterilise bottles and get up numerous times in the night to mix formula. I feed to sleep and the amount of criticism I have had makes me feel down. I'm "spoiling" the child, they're far too old etc. I have to hide the fact I still feed from my DH and family. As PP said, why can't we all just be supportive of each others' choices?

I think there’s a difference between those who chose to ff and those for whom bf didn’t work.

The ones who choose ff are maybe less emotional about it than those of us who wanted to bf but couldn’t. It’s that loss of control.

I desperately wanted to bf my DS. Before he was born I naively thought it would all ‘just happen.’

What I didn’t realise is is my inverted nipples and his upper lip tie/posterior tongue tie would cause so many problems that he would be rushed to hospital at 3 days old with weight loss, jaundice and an infection. We stayed in hospital for 3 days where he was put on a feeding schedule and I expressed to get my milk going. Long story short, our bf journey came to an end when I was expressing tiny drops, trying to use nipple shields (that he still couldn’t latch on to!) and I was a nervous wreck. It wasn’t that I didn’t try hard enough and I felt like a failure.

Our stay in hospital really shook my confidence as a new Mum and my guilt lasted a long time. DS is now 15 months old and thriving but I still struggle when I think back to his first few days. DC2 is due in August and my thoughts on how to feed them are making me anxious already.

Waffling over! But I do think it’s sometimes the feeling that bf was ‘taken away’ from those who couldn’t do it.

I’m glad things went well for you

I find it does come across as boastful / smug when I see someone in fb writing a post proclaiming ‘I’ve breastfed my baby for six months now!’ Or posting a badge on their fb page saying ‘I breastfed my baby 4 plus years!’ - both posts I’ve seen and been faintly annoyed by recently. By all means be proud and happy about it, it’s lovely, but why the need to show off? In both these cases I thought they were lacking in awareness of how others would read their posts

Breast feeding can be very, very hard work and completely physically and emotionally draining.

I breast fed my first son for 2.5 years and I am proud of that.

I’m currently breast feeding my second baby (now 5 months) and it’s a total nightmare. When he hit 7 days old the pain from feeding him was excruciating! My nipples were cut and bleeding and I was crying through every feed! It transpired he had tongue tie so I paid private to have it sorted. Then it came out he’s got an intolerance to cows milk so I’m now living a miserable dairy free life (all I want is a chocolate bar) and I’ve recently had to pay out for a repeat tongue-tie procedure too as his feeding starting going downhill again. Breast feeding my first son was a dream compared to this nightmare! So yes, I am proud of myself for persevering through these issues because it’s been bloody hard at times and it would have been very easy to turn to formula at various stages.

Breast feeding my first was a very enjoyable experience whereas this time round it feels completely perfunctory and I’m counting down the days until I can have a pizza and a bag of Maltesers again....

I bf both my dc. It didn't remotely occur to me to be proud of it. Presumably before the existence of formula, everyone bf their baby (unless they had a wetnurse). All mammals feed their babies.

Turning a normal, natural, commonplace human thing into something that deserves to be praised and admired simply serves to make those who can't do it feel inferior and lacking.

There are women who torture themselves over their inability to breastfeed, or who are wracked with guilt about choosing not to (for perfectly justifiable reasons). Their mental health suffers for it, at a time when they may already be feeling very vulnerable.

You can try justifying yourself by saying that the relentless pushing of bf as something to be proud of may result in improved health for some children, but at what cost? In any case, the mothers who choose not to bf because they simply don't want to will probably be the ones who take the least notice of the guilt trip inflicted by the pride of others who bf. Those who can't bf can't be guilted into it but will just feel awful.