To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

JaneyEJones I was actually talking about losing weight...not breastfeeding.

Just saying this thread reminded me of it.

It would be mean of me to brag about doing exactly the same thing as my friends, when they'd given up and I hadn't. Shouldn't mean I can't be proud though.

Thanks for those who gave positive replys.

I would never want to offend anyone by talking about bf. Though equally comparing it to 'taking a shit' implies I should be ashamed for breastfeeding or wanting to talk about it. But that's ok to say .

What about those who really genuinely CANNOT bf. You have no idea how crap this kind of thread makes them feel. I was driven to attempt suicide over the comments when I couldn’t feed mine and was struggling. (Genuinely could not feed mine. Nothing I could do they HAD to have formula)

AintNo the research on the long term effects of breast or formula feeding aren't in yet but current research into our gut biome and immunology suggest that there may be significant long-term effects of that initial choice.

Ff mums may have the breast is best message in their heads and have either a feeling of failure or a fear of being judged. Why would you want to potentially hurt them by getting sanctimonious about it? Go and find another bf mum to share how brilliant you are.

I bf for a year. About 6 months in I went to a small home selling party of a friend and I didn’t know anyone else, but they all had a first baby less that 1 year old and they all formula feed. My friend told them all I bf and we had a chat about the practical pros and cons of each without mentioning breast is best or any proud shite. That’s the way it should be.

Here is another definition of proud for you to consider

having or showing a high or excessively high opinion of oneself or one's importance.

*one of mine

Fed all but one and could not feed that one. They were readmitted and put on high calorie formula and there was nothing I could do. They were starving. So it was FF or they starved.

Yeah, I just don't see what there is to be proud of because you fed your baby and you were lucky not to get thrush or mastitis.

Of course, everyone is entitled to feel proud of whatever they want to. I am sure others wouldn't understand some of the things I am proud of. I don't expect everyone else to feel that is some huge achievement though.

And for me BFing wasn't that much of a moral/do what's 'right' issue. I'm a stubborn fucker and had started so I wanted to keep going.

And a lazy fucker. I wanted the convenience of not having to take bottles out with me or make them up at night. When DS wouldn't BF I was making up bottles at night and that is not an easy, cop out option. I also never worked out what to do to comfort/settle DS without the boob as he won't take a dummy.

Yanbu

Of course you should be proud - it’s bloody hard work and it’s ok to feel good that you’ve made it this far

I’m really proud that I didn’t kill myself when I wanted to because of smug hcps telling me not to give up bf that it was best for my child and I’m really proud that I’m here and a mother to my child. And that child got the food they needed to grow and thrive after being diagnosed as failure to thrive.

I really don’t see what good comes of these threads.

Nope, sorry but "research " can imply many things and be worded to suit whoever wants to interpret it in the way they want to.

Long term diet, exercise and a person's environment in which they live in has more to do with a person's long term health.. not "statistics" which have been adapted to suit a poster for the NHS..

There's nothing wrong with being proud about breastfeeding, but perhaps you're just talking about with the wrong group. Perhaps a breastfeeding forum or something similar would be better.

I feel should be able to say ' yeah still bf, really proud I didnt think we would make it this far ' is not in any way saying you should not be proud of ff

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice

Sorry but this is absolute rubbish. FF mothers are criticised all the time.

So you dont think our gut biome is important to our health? Or indicated in our autoimmune system?

YABU. Really very unreasonable.

I couldn't bf ds1 beyond a week. Ds3 I bf for 4 months.

Should I be ashamed of my experience with ds1?

Yes by your criteria.

How is it the same as being proud of having a poo? It makes your nipples crack, boobs hurt and can be a challenge. Being a mother is something to be proud of bf or ff. Either way, if someone feels proud to bf, let them!

This is just an early opportunity in motherhood to enter the ‘women competing to show what martyrs they are’. Who deserves the prize of chief (smug) martyr?
FWIW I breast fed but I mixed boob (night) and bottle (day) from a few months in to suit me, and my sleep and work patterns.

Ive got 3. All born by c-section because my body didn't work properly. Had I not had a c-section with them either they, or I (or both) would be dead.

I BF all of mine each for a year. Damned right I felt proud of that because I felt such a failure from a birthing point of view.

All irrelevant now if course because my eldest is 16 and my youngest is 9 and life has a way of balancing things out for you so you realise that what was important 16 years ago is less important now because time heals all things eventually.

To those berating the OP: her experience us not your experience.

She's proud of actually being able to do something that her body is supposed to be able to do (like giving birth 'naturally') and rejoicing in the fact that she's been able to do it.

Women are designed to give birth. That doesn't mean it is easy, or non-problematic.

Why can't we just support a woman who is chuffed that something worked as she hoped it would (you know, like when a birth plan goes according to our expectations) rather than tear her down because of our own negative experiences?

Op if you're still reading...I totally get you. Well done and wish you all the best.

Be happy you can breastfeed, but keep it to yourself or those close to you, no need to tell the whole world.

Bf and a healthy immune system are not exclusively linked..

Never mind OP, well done. I’m proud of breastfeeding too. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Why keep it to herself Aeroflotgirl?

Blue - that’s ok you can feel proud you made the best choice for you and your family

It’s not ok that breastfeeding women can not talk about their successes - it’s bloody hard to breastfeed and takes a lot of effort and perservence - as does a lot of aspects of parenting. If a mum can stand up and say I’m bloody proud I managed to sleep train my child or I’m blood proud choose to be a stay at home mum/ working Mum then why shouldn’t we talk about breastfeeding.

To be honest all this ‘shut up you smug breastfeeders’ comments do is portray breastfeeding as better than formula feeding - if you genuinely believed ff was an equal feeding for then it wouldnt matter either way - it would be like saying I’m proud of ‘s’ Or ‘h’ completely the same but different alternatives

And all this you were lucky not to get thrush or mastitis rubbish - most bf mums have had one or other at least once and just preserved - not given up - and it’s this resilience and preservence and bloody hard work some people want to celebrate and why shouldn’t they - they worked hard to do so!!!

Not everyone wants to hear about it blankies. I pumped for 9 months as ds coukd not latch on, but I don't go round telling everyone. Only say my nearest and dearest.