To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

I haven’t even been bothered to read this, apart from that lovely gem about Ireland being lower class than a leafy suburb of England.

The entire country, mind. Not one single place that can possibly match the wonder of England.

Anyway, I came on to say that breastfeeding is nothing to be proud of. Sorry. It’s not. It’s just a thing that some do, and some don’t.

Oh, and little old Irish, classless me breastfed. Imagine! My little leprechauns getting breast milk. Isn’t it mad to be sure, to be sure?

We've apparently forgotten all about the basic notion of kindness. Of course you have the right to say anything you want but if you're aware that saying it to a friend is going to make her feel bad about herself why would you say it?

Mags, i do hope your breasts spurted lovely green irish milk.

I haven’t even been bothered to read this, apart from that lovely gem about Ireland being lower class than a leafy suburb of England.

Dear god, can you read what's actually written. I said breastfeeding rates were lower in Ireland than the UK. Which is a fact.

But of course JJ, and my nipples were little pots of gold!

Now, this was only till they were old enough to be put on the Guinness, naturally.

Laurie I did read it. And before that ^ you said it was a class issue because when you leaved in a leafy suburb in England, everyone breastfed.

So what exactly where you implying with that correlation, then?

*lived, even!

That's a fair point MissMouse. I posted the latest before seeing your post at 10:46 which I have since read. I sincerely appreciated that and also accept that you did not intend any offence.

Can you also appreciate that in the context of some of the other posters, altogether it can feel like an onslaught for those who find the whole subject painful & sensitive? TBH I could say a lot more of just how awful my experience of trying to bf was, the whole thing is a painful subject. I feel that I can't though because I am conscious it might be triggering for some.

Yes that's right…..I self censor already to spare the feelings of other posters/readers on here. I suppress so much already so, in the context of this, any suggestion of being told not to contribute, or to leave the thread, seems too much for me even when the intentions are good (as I now accept yours were).

Out of interest, don't you feel some of this applies to those who ff who are surrounded by family and friends who have all successfully bf? I know my friends don't get it, because they all breastfeed. I don't know anyone who formula feeds that I could talk to about it if I wanted to

Yes absolutely - which is why I think it is so important for women to let their friends and family talk about these things without it being a reflection on them. Whether that be ff or bf. I am not an advocate for either. I am an advocate for women talking to each other about their experiences without judgement and fear and defensiveness.

I am currently BF my lovely DS, and haven't had a single issue since it started. DS took to the breast like a pro.

I have to say though, I was adamant I wasn't going to do it because people kept chucking "how torturous the first few weeks are" down my throat. I went into hospital saying "I'll give it a go, but if it's hard I won't be continuing". People also told me he'd sleep less since he was on the breast.

Hey ho, he slept through from birth and is exclusively breastfed! People do like to scare monger and I've known a lot of ladies who've been unsuccessful in BF, scaring expectant mothers and treating it as fact that it'll be hard for everyone.

I BF because it's a piece of piss. So easy to just whip the tit instead of sterilising bottles/making up formula.

I don't feel proud that I breastfeed really, but I'm proud of how well nourished and naturally flourishing my DC is, yes.

However, my DFriend put her DS on a bottle cone Day 2. I don't blame her and would have done the exact same! That baby was on the breast every 1/2 hours and she couldn't even pee in peace. In fact, I don't even think I would have lasted the day!

Anyway, I came on to say that breastfeeding is nothing to be proud of. Sorry. It’s not. It’s just a thing that some do, and some don’t

It has numerous health benefits and nothing can compare to breastmilk. It's amazing stuff. How is that nothing to be proud of?

you said it was a class issue because when you leaved in a leafy suburb in England, everyone breastfed.

That was in response to a poster who said it was a class issue in the UK. Which I agree with.

Then I also said rates were lower in Ireland, which they are. Which I don't think is to do with class, but other cultural issues.

However it is on my mind as I'm pregnant with number two in Dublin. I live in a reasonably upmarket bit of the city and I've yet to see anyone publicly breastfeed anywhere, which I find a bit shocking.

I don't think the reasons for low BF rates the same for Ireland as they are for more deprived parts of the UK. So, happy to clarify that if it wasn't clear.

'THEY can, if they want, feel pride that they chose to breastfeed, that they sacrificed their own autonomy and certain freedoms to feed their child'

Miss I agree though with living that this ^ is a rather goady. I bf 2 DC, ff dc3, I didnt 'sacrifice' autonomy or freedoms with any, I just fed my DC. Stop being so dramatic. Janey - did you read my whole post of just the edited highlights? I'm not trailing back through pages to find it but the jist of it was - who cares what other people feel about their experiences and their bodies?...it has nothing to do with me or you or anyone else. If someone wants to feel proud let them and be happy for them because it's nothing to do with your experiences which will always be different. I'm glad you didn't feel that bf entailed sacrifices.

SandyBabyToes…I rest my case.

Thanks for accepting my apology with good grace Living. I realised that the posts were out of sync .

It has numerous health benefits and nothing can compare to breastmilk. It's amazing stuff. How is that nothing to be proud of?

Why would you be proud of the benefits of breastmilk, unless you created it? Which you couldn’t possibly have.

The act of shoving your boob in a kid’s mouth, doing what you happened to be biologically equipped for? Nah, nothing to be proud of.

It’s like being proud of breathing because oxygen is so beneficial!

@Laurie thanks for clarifying. Have you looked on social media for breastfeeding groups? There’s lots of support around and my friends and I all breastfed so we are out there :)

I mean about this:

'It has numerous health benefits and nothing can compare to breastmilk. It's amazing stuff. How is that nothing to be proud of?'

Which is neither here nor there if the reality is you can't bf.

Why would you be proud of the benefits of breastmilk, unless you created it? Which you couldn’t possibly have.

The act of shoving your boob in a kid’s mouth, doing what you happened to be biologically equipped for? Nah, nothing to be proud of

Nonsense - I didn't create it, but my body is creating a form of it. And I'm choosing to nourish my son with it.

It's not just about 'shoving a boob in the kid's face'. For some it takes weeks of agony and pain, perseverance. All so that baby can have the best possible milk. Why can't a woman be proud of that?

We may be biologically equipped for it but that doesn't make it an easy ride. Just like being able to birth a child doesn't make it an easy ride.

I think all the butthurt responses answer your question, OP, no you can't talk about being proud to BF.

I'm fucking proud! My DD never had a single ounce of formula, you only need to read about it for a few minutes to realise that it is not an adequate substitute for human milk.

I wasn't "lucky" I cried for fucking months over the agony to feed, didn't sleep, almost threw the towel in so many times. But in the end the health of my infant came before my needs/discomfort.

I also knew that if I switched to formula I would carry that guilt with me, and it probably means I'd be the most defensive FF cow of all time because I was constantly having to try and justify an action which I would forever regret.

Sorry if that hits a nerve with anyone, I know it would with me.

For anyone who did choose to FF and truly feels zero guilt then awesome, if I'd have felt that way I probably would have FFd from very early days as it sure must make parenting easier.

I don't judge women for how they feed their babies, but I would have judged myself for not doing the best I could for my child, and I couldn't have lived with that. My children are the only ones who's nutrition I am responsible for after all.

MadMags - you made me snort coffee from my nose and it hurts, and you've left me with a really weird and disturbing image of breastfeeding leprechauns. Thanks for that!

Have you looked on social media for breastfeeding groups? There’s lots of support around and my friends and I all breastfed so we are out there

Thanks Mags, that will be my next step. I know they exist, but the lack of visibility is quite stark. I suspect a lot of it happens at home and in friends homes, which is great, but I loved being out and about with DS1 and fed a lot in coffee shops, so I'm going to have to be brave and get stuck in regardless.

I have to say though, I was adamant I wasn't going to do it because people kept chucking "how torturous the first few weeks are" down my throat.

I wish I'd heard known more about the difficulties tbh. All I know are people who've successfully breastfed and so I swallowed the lie that virtually every woman can establish breastfeeding if they want it enough. As a result of my stubborn insistence on bf me and my DD spent 7 of the first 10 days of her life and almost the entirety of my DH's paternity leave in hospital. If it had occurred to me that sometimes this isn't the case then I wouldn't have put us all through it.

that it is not an adequate substitute for human milk.

That's not actually true is it. If it was hundreds of thousands of babies would be dying world over ever year.

There are many benefits to breast milk bit formula is an adequate substitute. Its not perfect but it's pretty good.

Honestly your post is one of the worst I've read on here.

I would have judged myself for not doing the best I could for my child, and I couldn't have lived with that.

But other women who are struggling with just that are "butthurt"? Nice.