To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

Well, #2 was 9lb11 and tore me to shreds, c'est la vie. But someone choosing to breastfeed and being proud of persevering at it by no means indicates that someone who didn't breastfeed, either through choice or not (contraindicative meds for example) should feel ashamed. The two are unrelated. Pride in what you feel to be a personal achievement is fine, and just that... personal.

I'm not proud of feeding my #3 child, much like I wasn't participate with #1. Bar the odd crack it's been an easy ride. But #2? I'm proud that I stuck at it with him because it was sheer bloody torture. But that has nothing to do with anyone else... it doesn't mean someone who stopped should feel bad about their decision, doesn't mean I have achieved little else (we are all capable of more than one achievement to feel proud of surely?) Etc etc etc.

This thread just reminds me of Myleen Klass for some reason 🤔

Its fine to be inwardly proud of yourself but don't seek external validation for it.

I bf mine for over a year, I'm glad I persevered through the horrific pain and mastitis in the early days, it was certainly worth it. But I'm even more grateful I was lucky enough to produce enough milk, for her not to have tongue tie or issues with weight gain, that I didn't need to take any medicines that are incompatible with breastfeeding, that the mastitis I did experience wasn't severe etc etc!

You don't know how hard it is for other so don't compare, just be grateful it worked out for you and you got the outcome you wanted. What everyone else chooses to do is not your concern

Where did i assume you didn't breastfeed?

I think you have every right to be proud.

I BF my 2 for 15 months and 18 months and yes I'm proud and pleased and delighted.

Some of my experience and success with bf was down to luck, good breasts for it, great supply etc. Some of it was down to me and my attitude, choices and decisions.

Bf was brilliant. I loved it. It made me happy. I'm Proud to have done it for so long, and that I persevered and overcome the challenges I faced, not to
Mention putting a middle finger up to this very po faced anti BF society we bizarrely find ourselves in every single time I fed in public.

To say so is to undermine the real achievements that women are making in the world today.

Are you actually kidding me? The celebrate women's progress we need to undermind womenhood?

I breastfed my first for 16 months, then donated through the 2nd and 3rd to the neonatal unit.

Not proud as such.... pleased I suppose. It was useful.

The 4th... no milk, trauma in pregnancy. FF. Didn't have any differing emotions at all.

Baby fed. Mission accomplished.

I BF DC1 for 15mths, DC2 for 9 mths and DC3 for 6 mths. For DC3, I was stopped due to medication.
I didn't feel proud. I felt relieved that it worked properly, that it was cost effective, and that it made everything so much easier.
FF is a total PITA, and I have no idea why anyone would willing choose it.
FWIW, my boobs are not dissimilar to their pre pregnancy state. There was no sacrifice involved. It was quite the opposite!!

It doesnt help that some bf advocates treat ff's as not fit to have children. I hate the way you cant earn points on formula in shops but can on alcohol and chocolate. Fwiw I am currently bf my ds. Ff my dd as wasn't able. Only thing I feel proud of is that today I didnt cry when ds shat on my leg.

Hmm I think anyone getting through the first few months of raising a baby is entitled to feel a bit proud, it's bloody tiring and testing. Having breastfed and switched to ff with one child, then bf the other, I wouldn't say I feel prouder of one than the other, feeding them is just part of the job, however you do it.

Meanwhile, in the real world, women are achieving successes in work and education and pushing through glass ceilings. You know, tangible and important stuff rather than had a baby and fed it.

Zeezeek I have achieved success in education, in my work and have pushed through glass ceilings.

I’m proud of those achievements.

Why can’t I be proud of this one too?

I breastfed my twins and it was a long term physical challenge with real and measurable benefits for both my children and myself.

One doesn’t negate the other.

Spartaca that very small percentage of women who physically cannot produce sufficient milk or have a physical problem that prevents bfing is a red herring, and routinely wheeled out to bash women over the head with.

Could I produce milk? Sure. Could I produce enough milk for twins who were in incubators and never had the opportunity to latch, and when they finally did they were too small and too weak to feed? Nope. Despite extreme, constant, soul-destroying effort, I failed. I logged almost 1000 hours of pumping in just over 7 months and still had to give my boys more than half formula. But the fact that I was only able to directly feed them a handful of times, during which there was more milk on me than in their bellies, is still a source of great pain to me. The fact that I got not support or help to feed despite one of my babies being an inpatient for two months still infuriates me.

And I'm sure if my babies had been well I could have bf directly with a lot less effort than I had to put into giving them some EBM, and this is why I have an issue with "pride" relating to Bfing, and why I get irritated when that "tiny percentage" is mentioned. It's not about giving up - if I'd been a quitter I wouldn't have pumped as obsessively and for as long as I did.

Thank you shutup - yes, I think breastpumps were created by the devil (although very useful obviously). I had planned to smash mine to bits a la Office Space but it died during the last week that I pumped and I got a brand new replacement so I handed it on to another twin mum who needed it. If I never see another pump again it will be too soon!

I can assure you formula fed babies are also weighed by the midwife once at home.
Not sure why you'd think otherwise?

I don't really see why one should be proud of something that is down to luck in lots of cases.

It's not luck is bloody hard work and you have every right to feel proud.

I supppse it's like saying you're proud to be the perfect BMI. No one is SUPPOSED to be over weight. It's causes lots of people stress and anxiety. It's harder for some people with health issues and time constraints to exercise or to afford good food. And it takes hard work and discipline for most people to be slim at a certain age. The healthy thing is is to be the correct age. But no one walks into a room and declares " I'm proud to be slim and I worked damn hard at it" because of course it makes other people feel like crap. Everyone can see you are slim, everyone who knows you has seen you feed your baby. Fair play, enjoy the benefits. Quietly.

My point Tammy was that no-one should feel ashamed for not BF, whether that was through choice or not.

I think you have a right to be proud. But I also think your post is a little goady.

I'm BFing DS too (3 months old now) and I'm proud. I've had work colleagues look at me like I'm mental because 'how can I stand the feeling of it' (that was from mum!) I've had to leave rooms (And conversations with friends) for fear of making someone uncomfortable. I've had people suggesting that I give him water... that I give him a bottle of formula because I'm so sleep deprived. I had two weeks of him not latching properly. I am now dealing with an over supply and a very forceful let down to avoid my poor baby choking and throwing up his feed because my left boob is over zealous. He won t take an expressed bottle any more and I am bloody knackered. But it's important to me to continue so yes, I am also proud. Doesn't mean for one minute I think ff mothers should be ashamed

I think you can feel proud that you did it but you don't need to voice that.
I feel proud that I persevered as my baby couldn't latch and I had problems producing milk. It took a long time until it came easy. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I was proud at 6 months seeing the weight gain and thinking - I did that ! It was a personal thought though.

Meanwhile, in the real world, women are achieving successes in work and education and pushing through glass ceilings. You know, tangible and important stuff rather than had a baby and fed it.

In a society where breasts primary function is seen as sexual, and we are encouraged to pay for something we can produce better for free, BFing actually felt like quite a feminist act to me. It felt like I was taking back control of my body and sticking two fingers up to every man who had ever talked to my chest rather than my face.

OMG @maximu I feel the bloody same. the formula industry and investing BILLIONS in making women doubt their own god given ability to feed their child and convincing health professionals the same is a MASSIVE feminist issue.