To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

What Specialistsubject said.
I BF DS1 for 10 months
I FF DS2 from the 3rd day because he point blank refused to latch and wouldn't drink expressed BM.
Should I be 'proud' of one and not the other?

I definitely agree with pp - it’s an internal pride I feel like ‘whoa, imagine I managed to keep my baby nurtured and fed using only my milk, cool.’

I find it frustrating that women aren’t supported and given the tools they need to BF if that’s what they choose to do. Infant nutrition is so important and it’s such an emotive subject people can’t help but feel like they need to defend it. Of course formula is amazing if you need it - it’s there, relatively safe and available in your nearest corner shop.

I’m the first person in my family to BF, ever. Never seen it growing up, didn’t see a woman BF until I was 21 - in my eyes that’s a humongous problem. We’ve lost the art of breastfeeding and passing down the techniques older generations knew. Looking back, knowing what I know now, my DD had a bad latch at the start, mainly as the nurse stuffed my boob into my poor baby’s mouth . The nurse should of had more training, you work in a post natal environment, you should be required to know different latches and positions to aid Mums.

Should I be 'proud' of one and not the other

You could be proud that you tried

..... or you could realise that the OPs post has fuck all to do with how you feel about your experience of breastfeeding and everything to do with how she feels about breastfeeding. How is someone being proud of themselves anything to do with how you feel about yourself?

Except it's not like that is it?

Many of the posts here assume not bfing is a choice. It's not always a choice. Perhaps I could have bf if my twins weren't premature, tube fed, separated from me, seriously ill and if one didn't have a really rare illness that dictated his diet. I pumped for them, as much as I physically could (literally - every 2 hours, day and night for 7 months) and still couldn't produce enough milk for them. It would have been less effort had I been able to feed them directly, less stress, less time, less guilt, a hell of a lot less washing up.

And this is why I have an issue with the idea of being "proud". If I have another child and they're full term and healthy and able to bf, I wouldn't feel proud - just relieved! Should people be proud of having a healthy baby rather than a sick baby?

I don't think 'most posts' assume that BF is not a choice at all. We are all well-aware that some people cannot BF and I am sorry for them. However, that shouldn't diminish a sense of pride or achievement for Breastfeeding.

Should I therefore not feel any pride at scaling a mountain because some people are disabled/ cannot afford to travel/ or even just don't want to?

@Tammyswansontoo (love the name!!) - the amount of pumping you must have done is incredible and you should be absolutely 10000% proud that you did it - regardless of how much.

Totally get what you are saying tho about it being a choice. For a lot of people it isn’t and it’s a damn shame - I read a book written by Dr Jack Newman who is a doctor based in Canada who deals with BF who simply states that most health care practitioners don’t care about infant nutrition enough to support a lot of women with BF in difficult circumstances.

I'm proud of myself for bf, but I think those who pump for any amount of time at all deserve to be even more proud. Pumping is brutal.

I think a lot of posters are still very raw about their own bf experience.

I've never bf (DS was ff from birth - entirely my choice). I think you should feel proud, OP - you chose the tougher of two options and you persevered with it. Good for you.

I'm sure every mother on this thread has plenty of things that she should be proud of, even if she isn't or doesn't think she should be.

I'm sure every mother on this thread has plenty of things that she should be proud of, even if she isn't or doesn't think she should be.

Hear, hear Hartniss

Which Britain are you living in? I have never heard anything but praise for bfing mothers. Maybe a few ignorant people telling you what to do but no more or less so than with a ff baby.

Meanwhile, in the real world, women are achieving successes in work and education and pushing through glass ceilings. You know, tangible and important stuff rather than had a baby and fed it.

Yep I'm proud I didn't let my baby starve and fed him/her.

I don't care how the baby was fed, as long as it was.

Why would people want to hear about it.

You know, tangible and important stuff rather than had a baby and fed it.

Isn’t having a baby and feeding it a very good example of something tangible and important?

I think you need another focus like a hobby.

zeezeek

Meanwhile, in the real world, women are achieving successes in work and education and pushing through glass ceilings. You know, tangible and important stuff rather than had a baby and fed it

Just so long as they are not PROUD of themselves for doing it! Because you know not everyone has access to the same levels of education or cognitive abilities to smash those glass ceilings and it might offend .

I don’t know really. Is it the same as people insisting they cook everything ‘from scratch’

I BF DS3. It was an absolute doddle, never had any problems and he was a right porker so clearly no issues. It strikes me that if people comment and it upsets you, then maybe it’s more to do with you being sensitive about them judging than you being proud? I’m sure people made those types of comments to me occasionally but honestly, it rolled off my back. Couldn’t care less what other people think about my feeding choices from their few minutes contact with me and my child.

meanwhile, in the real world, women are achieving successes in work and education and pushing through glass ceilings. You know, tangible and important stuff rather than had a baby and fed it.

What a shitty comment. I hope you're pleased with yourself.

So only work stuff is 'tangible and important' and we aren't allowed to to proud of things that only females can do? Fuck off with this kind of patriarchal bullshit.

Meanwhile in the real world women are using their keyboards to be as vile as possible to other women
That’s how those glass ceilings get shattered for sure.

I wouldn’t consider myself particularly suited to be senior to multiple staff, and hopefully a mentor to other women, if I felt the need to be sure dismissive of the challenges of motherhood

Surely people can be proud of whatever the fuck they want? Doesn't have any implication on anyone else.

hopefully a mentor to other women, if I felt the need to be sure dismissive of the challenges of motherhood

I'm a mentor to people.

Not everyone is a mother and even if they are, it's not my problem at work.

I'm proud of lots of things. I'm even proud of my children when they do something to be proud of. I just don't get why everyone has to be proud of every silly little insignificant thing these days. As long as a baby gets fed, how that happens is irrelevant in the great scheme of things. Certainly nothing to be proud of or an achievement. To say so is to undermine the real achievements that women are making in the world today.

Certainly nothing to be proud of or an achievement. To say so is to undermine the real achievements that women are making in the world today.

Bullshit. I've 'achieved' plenty in education and work, but I have a very special sense of pride in feeding my son as no one else was able to do that for him. I get to decide what my 'achievements' are. Not you.

I think being a decent team leader/boss/CEO involves trying to have some sense of what issues may affect your team
If someone has to suddenly has a family bereavement or disability, illness, etc I think it’s sensible to be supportive where possible.
I think getting women back into the workplace is positive and treating it with the contempt shown on here isn’t great for the individual concerned or the company

Maybe if men were affected by becoming parents companies would be a bit more flexible and supportive

I use to work for women in the 80s who felt the need to be as macho as possible
It’s really fucking full

To say so is to undermine the real achievements that women are making in the world today.

You can't think much of those achievements yourself if they are so easily undermined zeezeek. Yet again - why the fuck do you care what anyone else is proud of in THEIR lives???

Zeezeek it’s your problem at work if your employee needs to pump, or needs flexible hours to feed. It’s the law. I’m surprised as a mentor you don’t consider it your problem. Women should be able to work and breastfeed, and feel proud of whatever they like, it’s 2018.