To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

To be fair I am proud when I do a poo. I suffer with horrendous chronic constipation and if I manage to produce a good sized poo it means I've got my water and fibre intake spot on.

I am the same really BadFlump - maybe I phrased that badly - pleased for myself and babies (one bf for six months, one 4 years) but saying it aloud does imply judgement on non breastfeeders even if not meant.

Op I can absolutely assure that when you get past the baby stage and your baby turns into a child not a single solitary person will give a fuck how your fed it. Not one. Nobody. At all. It's such a non-issue.

I'm still proud of BFing my son. He's 3.5 and I imagine I'll always be proud of that. I don't expect anyone else to care but its still important to me.

Op I can absolutely assure that when you get past the baby stage and your baby turns into a child not a single solitary person will give a fuck how your fed it. Not one. Nobody. At all. It's such a non-issue

Missed this comment in the thread, but really, it's not true.

I care how I fed my DC, as does my DH. There have also been times when the subject of BF has come up for the DC at school, or on TV, usually regarding the long term health benefits, and my DC certainly seemed to care and be pleased that I had done so. What anybody else thinks, I don't mind one way or the other. I didn't do it for kudos.

Yup. How we feed our kids, staring from birth, is discussed endlessly by literally everyone.

Have not rtft but anyone comparing bf with shitting gets a big fuck off from me in any case (such arguments are used against bf in public, shitting's natural, you wouldn't do that outside etc)
Breastfeeding was not easy even though my 'tits worked' charming phrase - it took its toll as I was the only one up, nipples always took a while to toughen up and cluster feeding is always an endurance test.
So hell yeah, I am proud that I did it for so long with each of mine, Lansinoh in hand. By the same token, I respect anyone with the ability and patience to prep bottles at stupid o'clock.

but saying it aloud does imply judgement on non breastfeeders even if not meant.

No it doesn't. The judgement comes from the receiver of the message in this case - NOT the person saying they are proud.

My friend is proud that she had the balls and gumption to take her kids out of formal schooling for a year to travel around the world in a boat. It gave her kids a unique experience, wonderful learning opportunities and brought them closer as a family. Did I feel shame in opposition to her pride, did I think she was judging me for not sailing off with children....NO. Because I do not look at other people as a mirror. Their lives are not a standard to which I should live - i set my own standards based on my preferences, research, and lifestyle. And I fucking hate boats!

My god there's some vitriolic fuckers on here. Give the poor girl a break!

Rumple, I'm sorry all health visitors you've encountered have been anti breast feeding. Where I am, all HVs are thoroughly pro breast feeding, which is why I don't think my friends were being told nonsense as a way to get them to switch.

To give you a better account of what happened in one scenario- baby hadn't wanted to latch initially but finally appeared to be latching and cluster feeding as normal, mum's words to me were roughly 'I thought we'd finally mastered the breast feeding but just had x weighed and she's dropped loads of weight again!'. Diagnosed with tongue tie which was dealt with and thankfully solved the problem.

breastfeeding is also a public health issue, so I’m not sure why you’re not allowed to care about it. I care about it personally for my babies but also for the benefits to the country as a whole in increasing our very low rates, one being saving the nhs a shit load of money.

So its ok for example to say proud if i overcame say mastitis, thrush, blocked ducts? Think that would possibly be worse to say in converation tbh. I have overcame my own personal adversity. It is not easy getting your baps out in public at best of times even if you are bothered by particular low self confidence.

rumple i agree with the whole ff being the answer to issues with bf. i personally havn't had this mentioned to me however i have seen on forums that this is advised allot. I feel hcp are trained in telling people the benefits of bf ia x,y and z. When it comes to supporting a woman through bf issues they're not so great.

And your point is? I BF DD until she was 4 months, they weigh BF babies regularly because they often do tend to lose weight. DD was 8lb 13 at birth but lost a whole pound in the first week. That weighing is so important because like it or not, you really don’t know how much they are getting! That’s not anybody trying to take the shine off your experience it’s just health professionals doing their job!

Kudos to those who manage it for a prolonged amount of time because it really is best for baby and very hard work also.

I feel hcp are trained in telling people the benefits of bf ia x,y and z. When it comes to supporting a woman through bf issues they're not so great.

Yep - I'd agree.

I had very different hurdles with first two children and easy ride with thrid and a shit load negativity from family - not DH.

Years later I still get occasional sneering comments or instance I needn’t have bothered. It does seem they want me to be ashamed I did it – I don’t mention it as myself as it was done and dusted years ago but family bring it up still negatively.

Twilight absolutely hit the nail. Hv and hp’s are all for it if it happens easily, which is pretty rare. The moment mum encounters some hurdles it’s ‘formula is the answer’.I was asked by a consultant in hospital which formula I would chose for them to pump into my premie when I had a fridge full of breastmilk that I had spent hours and hours over the last few days pumping! It’s only because my dh advocated and explained on my behalf that they listened as I was in no state to articulate myself. Of course you should be proud even if you don’t encounter difficulties, as you’re doing something that not many people achieve. I’ve seen posters claiming that zillions of other women do it but in the very same breath complain that so many women can’t breastfeed, so which is it? You are in the minority statistically in the U.K. which implies it’s a bloody hard thing to do. Never feel embarrassed about it.

Ive also heard of mums trying their hardest to bf. Latch seems right but then its discovered baby has a tongue tie. Thats if your lucky enough that theres someone about who recognises it. It then takes 6 to 8 weeks for this to be sorted on the nhs.

How is that right ? So its ok to leave a baby to struggle for that length of time. Its ok though, give formula for 8 weeks. Then when its time for tongue tie to be fixed baby wont latch as so used to bottle . Again not getting at ff, but again the after care for bf mother and babies leaves allot to be desired.

Then they wonder why peopke dont bf after 6 months. Mat pay is shit then and you have to start to worry about when to go to work. This is something im worried about at the minute and trying my best to get a freezer stash going.

The government like to push BF, they have the guilt inducing "breast milk is best for your baby" printed all over formula, HCP are very ready to make judgey comments and are apparently not allowed to educate on safe FF but they do bugger all to help a woman BF. Unless you get really lucky you're basically left alone to figure it out. That's great if baby latches and feeds and grows but more often than not there's a problem in one form or another.
The issue here is that BF is a very sensitive issue, "failing" to BF is a major contributory factor for PND, women feel incredibly defensive if they FF and that shouldn't be the case.
OP should be able to be pleased she has breastfed, that shouldn't make another woman feel upset or inferior but the way BF is managed means many women do. Most stop reluctantly because they've struggled and had no help and then carry guilt.

*TakeMeToTheUSA for your next good one

I've breastfed all 3 of mine..but I've never said out loud that I am proud. What kind of reaction do you want?? It's so boring. It's down to luck as much as whether you have a child that sleeps through..is an early walker..it takes no talent and why would you brag? Boring.

Hi candy its not Bout bragging. I have clarified in pp what context i am talking about.

I am quite happy that I breastfed all of mine and I did have nipple thrush with the first and mastitis with dd5. However I think feeling proud of things you choose to do and can do is wierd and stange. I am proud of things I did and didn’t wan to do like flying.

However I think you should kept your opinions to yourself and your dh mainly because how you choose to feed your babies is if no interest to any other parent. And I mean that nicely op.

I'm proud I managed to breastfeed both my children until they were around 3. It wasn't plain sailing and like lots of people I had mastitis and pain in the early days.

That said, it's an internal pride. I know how much work it was to be solely responsible for feeding them in the early months and yes, it did take a lot of perseverance and effort. It's not something I feel the need to talk to other people about though.

If you tried to cook from scratch every day and succeeded, you could be proud of it (as we live in a culture where ready food is available if you fail). For other people in other countries they HAVE to cook from scratch if they want to eat.

Likewise, we live in a culture where if you find BF hard, you can move onto FF. In other countries the choice wouldn't be available.

To say 'it's a normal bodily function so you shouldn't feel proud' is to completely deny the culture we live in. BF rates are incredibly low and it's not all because every, single woman FF can't do it.

A huge problem is that we aren't exposed to BF on a general basis. I have never sat around friends or family who were BF - which in turn makes in uncomfortable for me to do around others. No one told me how exhausting it would be, nor it would be very painful a few weeks in (in fact, I was led to believe that if it was painful then I was doing something wrong). It's not as simple as going for a pee and you give up a lot of yourself to do it. I'm only just starting to feel like 'me' again and not just a feeding machine.

However I have persevered for 6 months and I do feel proud of this. Why wouldn't I? and I don't think anyone has the right to reduce my achievement, or the OP's achievement because they couldn't do it/ choose not to do it.

Similarly, I won't diminish anyone else's sense of achievement in whatever they may take pride in that I haven't done/ couldn't do.

Yes but it’s usually best to be proud quietly. My darling dil could not breastfeed. She tried and couldn’t and my ds and all of us supported her decisions and praised her.

For me to start banging on about how proud I was to bf my kids to her would be crass, stupid and frankly boring.

Not everyone wants to bf either.

It’s a bit on a par with the fb twats who
Post they have finished all their Christmas shopping in October. I usually post ‘who gives a fuck’

Can't believe all these people saying OP shouldn't be proud. BF is hardwork - easier for some and harder for others? Yes. Some people cannot breastfeed through no fault of their own OBVIOUSLY, but this is irrelevant to OP feeling proud for the hardwork she's put in when she WAS able to breastfeed.

I was able to breastfeed and I'M PROUD OF MYSELF for working my arse off to it.

It's like saying you're proud of your children then being slapped down because some people can't have children

Of course you can be proud!

quietly