To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

You can feel as proud as you like, OP, no-one can dictate how you feel. Quite why you would feel the need to tell everyone on MN or anyone in RL how proud you are, though, is beyond me. Saying you are proud to women who would have loved to have breastfed but, for one reason or another, couldn't is just mean and makes you sound like you think you are superior. We all do our best by the children we have, BF or FF.

I got through huge problems to breast feed both of mine for over a year each. I don't tell others that I am proud, I am quietly proud. OP you have every right to be proud. That doesn't mean we are dissing anyone else for not breast feeding. Breast feeding can be very hard and I was pressurised to give up but I didn't.

Adrifty86 i agree there should be more info re cluster feeding etc. I had no idea and had to find out for myself. If hcp were more honest and realistic about bf maybe the rates would be higher. People would be better prepared and have a better understand of what to expect. (Im not talking About medical issues , low supply etc, those are different situations).

Also it is not free. The amount i've spent on nursing bras, breast pump, vitamins, nursing clothes. Yup. Definatley not free.

where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

That weighing saved my dd's life. If I had been bottle-feeding I would have seen that she was not suckling effectively. As it was, I was convinced that nothing could be wrong because her latch was fine and I had abundant milk. The HVs had to shove the evidence in front of my nose because I didn't want to accept it. We were admitted to hospital when she was just over a month old. It took months to turn things round.

She did have lots of wet nappies- but I didn't know how wet they had to be, having never had a newborn before.

The point about the lack of weight gain during the early weeks was that she was getting steadily weaker, so less and less able to suckle.

Saying you are proud to women who would have loved to have breastfed but, for one reason or another, couldn't is just mean and makes you sound like you think you are superior

I hope anyone giving the op a hard time never tells anyone about anything that may ever upset someone.

Like their child doing well at school.

Or a promotion at work - there will be someone sad they didn't get one or maybe don't have a job.

Their ability to do any kind of activity - some people can't.

Just as long as we are all being consistent and not only telling a certain group of women they can't talk about their experiences as it makes them 'smug' or 'mean'.

Until you have survived the agony of the relentless and painful first few days/weeks/months of breast feeding, lost your mind with exhaustion, & single handedly kept another human alive with your body, it's hard to understand why breastfeeding is something to be proud of. I'm nearly 5 months in to breastfeeding too and it's one of my proudest accomplishments. Sure, to some people it's a natural bodily function, the same as having a poo, but our boob poos grow and nourish tiny humans. And that's pretty amazing. I don't need a badge or an award or a pat on the back for breast feeding, but don't let the haters knock you down :-)

Your pride is and should be entirely personal.

Why do you need validation from others?

What I find sad is that so many women don't try to breastfeed at all or give up very quickly due to misinformation (e.g. thinking cluster feeding is a sign baby is not getting enough), often because their parents never breastfed. It seems to be a real cultural issue. In terms of being proud, on the one hand some women are very anti-bf (finding it unnatural and disgusting ) and on the other hand some women are very much out to make formula feeding mums feel inferior, and god knows as new mothers you don't need any to help you feel guilty and like you're doing it all wrong. It makes proudly and openly breastfeeding into something political. Overall as a country I think we've lost the plot a bit.

Hear hear Confused! Run a marathon? FFS don't tell anyone, some people struggle to walk round the block!

Yanbu op.

As shown by the pp reply, no, much of the time you can't talk about bf for fear of being told you're acting 'superior' to ff mums

I bf my first two DC for only a few days. It was too hard. I stopped.

With dc3 I was determined I would bf. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done, physically , mentally and emotionally draining in a way I didn't experience when ff. And after 8 months, I'm still bf.

Yes, i'm proud that I stuck with it. Very proud. And anyone that doesn't like that can go fuck themselves.

I'm proud that I breastfed. With each baby, I got horrible mastitis, cracked nipples, all the stuff, but I got through it each time. I should have got help from a bf counselor or someone after DS1, but I just thought it would always be difficult, so of course it always was. The reason I got through it is that I am very lazy and knew I would struggle with formula, bottle warmers and all the equipment that seemed to go with ff. I watched a friend's husband rush up some stairs with a bottle warmer at a party when he and his wife were feeding their baby in a spare room and knew that I would get something wrong if I ff. I was about 8 weeks pregnant with DS1 at the time and replayed the picture of Dad rushing about when establishing bf was tough. So I admire people who successfully ff, that's a lot of work.

In the end, we all feed our babies in the way that works for us. I don't boast about the fact I bf, but I'm glad I did, it's quiet satisfaction, rather than needing a medal.

If you have a happy, healthy baby, that's reason enough for pride.

Be as proud as you like. Tell who you like. But know your audience if you don't want to come across like a cunt. If you're sure those friends "chose" to FF and were completely happy with it then they probably won't have an issue. But as someone who tried hard to BF and couldn't and feels like shit about it because the breast is best crew really did a number on me during pregnancy, if you came to me spouting off about your pride I'd think you were a sanctimonious wanker.

Wow accrual -can you not just be happy for someone else?

Accrual don't feel bad about it. It really doesn't make any difference in the long run. It's only something people think/care about in the first year of their dc's life then no one cares. There's so many other bigger things you'll overcome as a parent, bf will seem so insignificant so please don't worry about it

@ConfusedCod, why would you be telling anyone how well your child is doing at school? That too would make you sound like a twat.

My DD walked very early. I didn't go around saying 'Oh I'm so proud because I invested so much time into encouraging her to walk.'

Why can't we just support each other? Why does being a mum have to be turned into a competition of who is doing it better or whose child is developing faster? It's exhausting and unnecessary. Just be kind.

If it hasn't been mentioned already, I'd recommend the "can I breastfeed in it" off topic Facebook group. It's a really lovely place to talk about and share experiences of breastfeeding.

OutSide of that life is too complicated to share your pride at your parenting choice. Everyone does something different and it can come across as critical if you talk too much about your choice

there’s nothing wrong with being proud of your parenting and id say feeding your baby is a massive part of parenting. There’s a difference between being personally proud and showing off, it doesn’t sound like you are showing off OP.

Breast is best was coined by a formula company.

Breast milk is optimal nutrition for baby. So if you breastfeed well done, be proud of yourself.

Formula milk has saved many lives worldwide and is a fantastic invention. If you couldn't or didn't want to bf it's a fine substitute.

Why infant feeding has become a tool to set women against each other I don't know, but it wouldn't surprise me if men were behind it.

I agree op.

The amount of negative and immature comments and questions I’ve received since breastfeeding have been a total disgrace, and I am shocked.

So many people have asked why I chose to breastfeed, then have waded in with their opinions, and told me that I need to stop once the baby is x age, when she gets teeth etc. It’s depressing.

Even the attitudes of some of the ‘health professionals’ in the children’s centres leaves a lot to be desired. I was told in the past by some of these women, who are meant to be breastfeeding advocates, that I should be weaning my DD off by x stage, and asked why am I still breastfeeding when my Dd is x age. It’s infuriating.

It’s my DD, they’re my breasts, it’s my choice. I couldn’t care less if other Mums breastfeed or formula feed - that’s their choice, as long as they respect mine, and don’t look upon it with disdain and ask inane questions.

@MagicWillHappen - If you are the sort of person who would spout on to someone who had collapsed halfway round a marathon about how proud you were to complete it, then you are a monumental ar*ehole. That would be the equivalent of telling mums who really wanted to breastfeed and felt such failures when they couldn't, how proud you were you could breastfeed.

Why feel sad that so many women don’t try to bf at all or give up. It’s a choice, not something that is written in stone that you have to. I didn’t want to bf and made that decision early in my pregnancy. I don’t feel sad or bad about it. There should be less stigma attached to bf and more of it should be welcomed in public.

No, there's nothing wrong with being proud of your parenting. Feeling the need to talk to everyone about how proud you are of your parenting, though, makes you a bit of a superior tw*t IMO.

They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

I find it odd that you think that those who ff don't face criticism... not what I have experienced/ seen.

It's great that breastfeeding has worked for you. But I don't really get what you expect or want re. feeling proud or celebrating bf.

This is disingenuous shit

Lying I agree with you. OP knew what she was doing when she posted this

@Rainbowsandflowers78 Why should I be happy for an internet stranger because they breastfed? I stand by the fact that banging on about it to someone who couldn't would make you a bit of a dick. I'd be a dick if I went on and on about running a marathon to my friend who had just lost the use of her legs. Or how proud I was of my wonderful promotion to my friend who had just lost her job and was unhappy about it. There's a time and a place, that's what my comment says.