To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

I feel rather conflicted about this on my own score. Because I did breastfeed, I was very well prepared and extremely persistent- and I now realise that that very persistence did harm to my child who ended up in hospital with malnutrition. So is pride to be derived from the result or the intention?

Does not detract from the OP in any way, of course: don't see why she shouldn't be proud when her persistence turned out to be for the good.

And incidentally, women have been proud of giving birth and of rearing children for as long as we have any records at all. Just pop down to your nearest parish church and read the memorials.

@mummahubs shaming? If you feel ashamed for not bf, that is your issue, not mine. Would you like me to pretend I’m not bf it that bm is not better than ff so that you feel better about yourself?

In what way is my post hurtful and opinionated mumma? I am only drawing on my own experience.

saddestcatintheworld i am proud because ive been able to overcome my fears and breastfeed in public. Im proud that ive breastfed for longer than I thought possibl. As i said before, i never stick at anything but so far so good.

If I successfully bf my DDS' I would feel very proud of it, if it's for you than go for it, why wouldn't you, if you can't/don't want too, there shouldn't be people looking down upon the people who didn't, women should stand together and support one and other as we all know what it's like being a mother who had very little sleep and raising a child is never easy, there are constantly challenges to overcome and bf isn't the easiest of options, and if you have managed to do it, why wouldn't you be proud! Some people disagree with ff, my DDS' were ff and they're very healthy and happy babies, I don't see why there has been so much hate towards OP on this thread, good for you @TwilightRiver carry on doing what you're doing, it's obviously the best option for you ❤️

My comment wasn't aimed at you Twilight, I was meant to state Blue, sorry for the confusion.

Who are all these people that don’t criticise FF? I found everyone took a pop at me! From the midwives in the hospital, health visitor, BFing mums, it was like a free for all to criticise me doing something unnatural. When it’s your firstborn, it’s hard work coming back from the fact everyone is telling you you’re a failure. I couldn’t feed my DD as she couldn’t latch on. I spent 4 weeks crying everyday, while a maternity care assistant came to my house each day to help me and eventually told me to stop as she felt it was doing me more harm than good and that in turn was bad for the baby.
So in my case, only attempted BF and expressed milk would not have been anywhere near enough to keep her going. It was 11.5 years ago and the memories still make me cry. I only wish I had the courage to have said to the critics so you’d prefer her to die of starvation.

Everyone I know whose breastfed has said they’re proud because most people I know have overcome extreme difficulties with it. It’s taken a hell of a lot of determination. I’m included in this. It’s not like we all go around telling everyone we meet that though (and I’m sure the op doesn’t either) but if it came up in conversation I might mention it as other friends have deemed it fine to call breastfeeding disgusting in front of me. It’s not fair of posters who are making out all b/feeders just got their tits out and performed a bodily function and therefore shouldn’t be proud. They must realise this. Also it’s ridiculous to say you can’t talk positively about it on the internet. It’s like saying people who are pregnant shouldn’t post about it as it hurts those who are infertile.

I think being proud of yourself is completely justified and natural as it’s hard work for a lot of women to do and requires perseverance. However, as it’s something that’s so emotive and lots of women are made to feel as if they’ve failed as a mother when it didn’t work for them (for whatever reason) then I would argue it’s probably best to discuss how proud you are with those closest to you (or at a support group to help others etc) rather than in a mixed forum where you might inadvertently cause real upset to someone who is feeling terrible about it already.

altiara im very sorry you experienced negative comments for ff - that was wrong. I would never dream of making someone feel bad about the way they feed their baby. You should be proud for having the courage to speak up and done the best for your baby and family. X

Miserable old sows? Really? That’s an awful thing to say.

I’m proud of breastfeeding my children for nearly 3 and a half years. It’s definitely a commitment and u give up some freedom.
I’m fed up of tip toeing around ff mums just in case they get upset. I don’t care how u feed your baby, it’s more important that they are fed but to say I can’t feel proud for what feels like an accomplishment for me, is ridiculous. By the way I’m also proud that I get out the house on time or that I get food on the table when my world is crashing around me.

This thread demonstrates that there is a lot of anger when a woman manages to breastfeed. I think if discussing breastfeeding is seen as crass and uncaring to others, it's not surprising we have the breastfeeding rates that we do.

Basically new mums are given a leaflet, most of us have no actually experience watching family members bf etc. I certainly had the idea at first that it either would go perfectly or I couldn't do it.

I think more people should discuss their experiences of successful breastfeeding, not 'shut their smug faces up'.

It would have helped me to hear that it's bloody hard, about the cluster feeds, the cracked nipples, the difference in growth charts for bf babies, the mastitis, the overwhelming feeling of 'It's someone else's turn - get this fecking baby off me!'

To know that that is all pretty standard and doesn't mean it's 'failing'.

Well I guess we all have to be proud of something. If this is your thing, so be it.

Wow, there is a lot of nastiness on this thread.

I get you, OP. I breastfed for a year and I am not proud of myself in comparison with other mums, but I am proud of myself because I nourished my child for a year with my own body. That is an incredible thought and it is a privilege that I was able to do it. But that doesn't mean it wasn't difficult for me.

There are few places that you can talk about that openly because you don't want to make other women feel bad or angry.

But you would think an anonymous parenting forum would be one of the few places that you could.

I don't understand how people don't understand how one can get pride from literally putting their blood sweat and tears into something that solely benefits another living being at their own mental and physical detriment.

Wait, we can't be proud of anything that might make anybody else feel bad now?

Excellent, I've been meaning to call sil a bitch for getting a promotion. How dare she feel proud of herself, I didn't get one.

So I should also listen when the TRA's say to stop talking about pregnancy/childbirth - because it makes them feels bad?

I am very proud of having breastfed. I don't give a shiny shit what anyone else thinks of my pride or my right to have it. I'm bloody proud.

Nobody should be proud who wins a medal at the olympics, though, because I was born with a disability and can't participate in sport. It was easy for them why should they get to feel proud?

See how stupid it is!

You're proud to breast feed, I'm proud to formula feed.

We both have happy healthy infants. Well done us.

My first started off with a NG tube, proud he to subsistence too!

where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

I've known women who thought they were getting on fine with breast feeding only to find out their littles ones' were dropping loads of weight due to unseen tongue ties etc. The first few days are crucial and it's simple fact that you can't measure how many ounces of milk a breast fed baby is getting, the early weigh ins are really important and it would be dangerous not to have them. It's got nothing to do with 'going back on breast is best' or 'expecting you to fail' , it's about the baby and making sure they are getting enough fluid and nutrients.

However, I don't see why they'd need to be done weekly after the first couple of weeks, unless there was reason for concern... so agree that's a little excessive! how long do they continue weekly?

You're feeding your baby, congratulations
I've never understood the bf look at me what a fantastic mum I am mentality. What matters is that your baby is fed, whether that's ff or bf in the long term it will make absolutely no difference whatsoever despite all the drivel the bf fanatics will churn out on here

TwilightRiver - sorry haven’t RTWT but of course you should be proud of yourself. You wanted to breastfeed but weren’t sure (like all of us) how that would go, and through a combination of hard work, perseverance and yes, probably some good fortune, you have achieved breastfeeding, which has many benefits for you and your child. Well done to you - you deserve to feel proud!
I would recommend finding a bf fb group ie association of breastfeeding mothers, la Leche league or similar to really get support and reassurance from people who understand where you’re coming from. I’m in an extended bf group and find it very useful.

elephant they do it at every visit. So until 6 weeks, 3 months ? 4 months. I do understand why they do it. Thats not my issue. More that they should treat every baby the same . Just because they are ff does not mean there may still be issues. Again that is not meant as a dig .

Elephant early weigh ins are not important if your baby has lots of wet dirty nappies. How many times do people have to be told? Why are we obsessed with babies gaining weight so quickly? I’m quite sure this is why so many people get spooked by breastfeeding. I agree with op it’s like hv’s expect you to fail at it and the babies weight is the tool they use to pressurise.

in the long term it will make absolutely no difference whatsoever despite all the drivel the bf fanatics will churn out on here

Presumably that's the same 'drivel' spouted by the NHS and the WHO?

Denying the benefits of bf doesn't do anyone any favours.