To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

@AintNoOtherFan thankyou, and I do know that logically but it's a real emotional punch in the stomach that's hard to describe. And of course I came away from my NHS antenatal classes armed with the knowledge that if I didn't breastfeed then my baby will be fat with a low IQ, type 2 diabetes and cancer. Oh and I'll also get cancer and osteoporosis, obviously.

There is a time and place and as the OP explained quite clearly, she has no such time or place available in her RL surroundings as the people around her are all negative about breastfeeding. So she came on her for a little reaffirmation. I see nothing wrong about that.

You were very wrong about this though, OP:

Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

In the case of a failure to thrive baby, weighing can be an absolute lifesaver.

I could post soooo much on this thread but I won't as I'll be torn limb from limb. But... if feeding your baby any which way was ok the human race would have died out centuries ago. Human babies need human milk, calves need cows milk. It's great we have a substitute to wet nursing or death in the form of formula milk but it's not the biological norm. I wish those who don't want to breast feed just say so rather than say they couldn't. The 'couldn'ts' are a tiny proportion of women giving birth. Just say I didn't want to, don't dress it up. I have had 4 babies and had major problems breastfeeding two of them. It didn't occur to me to ff as I knew if I stuck in I'd manage, just like my grandparents and great grandparents etc did. My parents generation were subject to the 70's ff propaganda and breasts sell everything except nourishing babies shit. Be proud of your breast feeding achievements OP. It's fine to be happy about it. The detractors tend to have their own issues. You are feeding your baby not the 'best' way but the normal way and normal in biology is just fine and dandy!

While I don’t disagree with the OP (I think every parent should be proud of their choices and efforts) and I couldn’t/didn’t BF, I am quite at the anti-women comments “moaning old cows” and “bitch brigade”. Ugh!

But this is an anonymous Internet forum. If you don’t like the subject topic - move on. Do you go on the pregnancy boards telling people not to be twats advertising their pregnancies because there are many infertile people on here? You don’t gain anything by pulling someone else down.

I think it's fine to be proud, each to their own and all that. I find it strange to want to proclaim your self pride to the world, but hey, we are all different. People are proud of all different things, children reaching milestones, performing at certain levels, achieving things, in this instance the op has self pride and wants to proclaim it, .

I don't know why folks are having a go. If she wants to be all self proud and tell folks, let her, folks do worse things.

FWIW I chose not to breast feed, and I'm proud that I can make that choice.

If breastfeeding was as difficult as taking a shit then nobody would have anything to be proud of.

Keep on saying it's "just a bodily function". Until you've tried it don't judge someone for calling it an achievement.

It's funny how of most of the the people saying you're being smug are the ones who didn't or weren't able to for whatever reasons... it says a lot more about you! Than it does someone being proud of managing to bf. maybe check your own insecurities.

I'm proud that I chose not to breastfeed as trying to and failing contributed to me having PND. I'm glad I realised fast enough not to persevere.

Gosh this thread is intent on making women feel like shit one way or another.
Just finished reading the thread about the poor starved kids in California. This thread seems so needlessly nasty now.
Who cares how everyone else’s kids are fed.
As long as they are FED.

Difficult one. Obviously you have every right to feel how you feel, in the case proud. Although it does come across a bit like ff mothers shouldn't feel like that? You say you're scared to bring it up in front of your friends, so you clearly assume they must feel different.

My child is ff, I had to stop at 4 weeks btw. It's the classic thing, if your baby is happy, healthy, developing and growing who the cares whether the milk comes from a nipple or a bottle.

But this is an anonymous Internet forum. If you don’t like the subject topic - move on. Do you go on the pregnancy boards telling people not to be twats advertising their pregnancies because there are many infertile people on here? You don’t gain anything by pulling someone else down.

But that's not what I'm doing. If you read my actual comment, I said the OP should know her audience when talking to her real life friends. If she knows they are happy with their decisions then there would be no problem with her discussing this with them.

Announce a pregnancy on a pregnancy board, people will be happy for you. Announce a pregnancy on an infertility board, you're a dick.

I’m sorry I know it’s not the point but every time someone keeps saying taking a crap is easy, I’m thinking “erm open your mind a little”, some people have very serious bowel problems. Sorry, off topic. I’m not angry or upset or offended, just people rarely think outside of their own selfish little boxes.

I honestly think MN has got worse over the years and you can’t even discuss personal breastfeeding achievements without someone jumping down your throat and you being told you’re calling them a bad mum. I have never even breastfed! Yeah, it does and did feel a bit rubbish that I couldn’t BF but I recognise that it’s important to some people. It’s ok to feel proud of things that may seem absolutely ridiculous for others. There’s a difference between saying “everyone should BF, it’s for the best for babies” and “gosh, BFing was hard, can’t believe it’s been 5 months, didn’t expect to make it 5 minutes.”

westriding, that was precisely the attitude that landed my dd in hospital, that idea that Nature is in some way geared towards the survival of the individual child, so the natural way has got to be the safest.

it isn't; Nature or evolution or whatever hasn't formed the entire human species into a perfectly functioning group where every individual is adapted to survival; that's not how evolution works

evolution works through wastage, through individuals not surviving

mothers, on the other hand, tend to get upset over that

I fully accept that from an evolutionary point, both my children ought to have died. They weren't strong enough to suckle, that's how evolution works.

In fact, I nearly did let the first of them die, because I thought Nature and I were on the same side.

With my second I thought "stuff Nature, my interest is not in the perfection of the species, but in the survival of this one child."

Well maybe taking a shit is not easy for some.

Let's put it this way... if pushing out a baby was as easy as taking a piss nobody would have anything to be proud of. After all it's a normal bodily function!

I had two c-sections!

Cory that's my point. It's brill that for those where nature can't help that ff means women like you aren't reliant on wet nurses or sub standard artificial substitutes that put babies lives at risk. I'm on your side even if it doesn't read like that :-)

Wow haven’t read the whole thread only a few posts but the vitriol and nastiness is unreal ‘jealous cows’, ‘moaning cunts’??

I seriously don’t get it. I think my mum did a mixture of FF and BF. Can’t see any difference in us kids 40ish years on. Seriously in real life, does anybody really give a shit how someone else feeds their kid? As long as the kids fed does anybody else need to be involved or validate your choices?! Sheesh!

Will close thread and move on.

This thread is so depressing...
Can we really not recognise breastfeeding as an amazing thing women do. To nourish a baby from your own body is something to be proud of. It takes a lot of energy to make that milk! And to do literally every feed, day & night. It is in no way the same as taking a shit bloody hell, when will women start supporting each other.

Some people choose to formula feed. Some people can't breast feed. But why all the hate against people who do breast feed? It is hard in the early weeks, and therefore something to be proud of when you get through it.

Sorry westriding, misread your post

I think my attitude is clouded by the fact that there was nothing obviously wrong with my attempts to breastfeed: no tongue tie, no difficulties with supply or latching on or (particularly) with my health- there seemed to be no excuse. So I would very definitely fall under the category of "go on, accept that it was your choice, don't try to make up excuses". And that, of course, was why I clung to breastfeeding even when things were going badly and why I resented the HVs who tried to tell me that there is something not working here.

Dd was diagnosed 10 years later.

@AccrualIntentions I completely get what you're saying and agree with you, it's the context that makes a difference. If this was posted in a breastfeeding forum it would probably get a different reaction to posting in AIBU, where you'll get people with a wide variety of experiences reading OP's opinions.

And @ThisBabyIsAnOctopus your comment just reveals a complete lack of compassion towards others. I'm happy that you got to breastfeed as that's what you wanted. I would have given anything for my experience to be the same, as it happens I'm having to express 8 times a day and top up with formula when I can't keep up with my son's feeding demands. It's been an incredibly upsetting time for me as a new mother. Sometimes I do feel shame at not being able to feed my child in the way I wanted to as a woman but more than that I just feel very sad and unfulfilled that I can't. So no, you don't need to pretend you don't breastfeed at all (where did I even suggest you should?!) but maybe have an iota of compassion for those of us who can't and aren't as lucky as you've been.

Couldn’t bf my first as had no milk due to medical issue. Was made to feel like shit.

Managed to bf my second and still going at 7 months. I’ve had every problem it was possible to get and was advised to give up many times (including on here) and I didn’t and you know what, FOR ME it was a huge achievement and one I am proud of and am made to feel shit for that too.

Can’t fucking win.

But I don’t give a fuck how other babies are fed as long as they’re fed. So how about I do my thing to feed my baby and revel the achievement at keeping him alive, you do your thing (whatever it may be) to feed your baby and revel in the achievement at keeping it alive and we all realise we’re bloody amazing for keeping other human beings alive?

@ElspethTascioni Thank you for your kind reply. It is immensely distressing at times when motherhood doesn't go quite as you imagined it would, I'm guessing the rest of parenting follows a similar line of uncertainty!

I bf DD1 for 12 months, was then already 3 months pg with DD2, and am now still bf her 7 months in...I’ve had engorgement issues, mastitis etc...but am I proud? No not really, it’s just part of being a Mum isn’t it?! What’s the big deal? Some ff, some bf, it’s not anyone else’s business.

Also, in regards to your weighing point, I can certainly see the logic for weighing a bf baby more.

Ignore those who say you shouldn't be proud. You should. You've followed the biological norm, it's tough but you haven't taken any short cuts and you and your baby will be healthier for it. The UK has the worst BFing rates in the world and every BFing mother will find formula pushed onto them from some angle at some point.

Just wait until you're nursing an "older baby" then the comments REALLY get interesting.