To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

In our society, bf isn't 'normal, natural, commonplace' any more. For several decades it was a minority practice, as it is still now beyond the first few weeks. I and many others had obstacles put in our way by ignorant attitudes on the part of HCP and the wider public, a general mistrust of bf evidenced by an obsession with 'how much they're getting' (weighing before and after every feed, anyone? Happened to me in 2005!), exhortations to 'just give up and give them a bottle' every time things were hard - thrush, breast refusal, pain, hours and hours feeding then expressing then feeding again. Too right I'm proud to have come through that and gone on to bf that baby for over four years and his siblings for three and (current one) two and counting. And that implies no disparagement whatsoever to people whose feeding journeys took different paths. Just like someone else's marathon or whatever doesn't disparage me.

I feel proud for having combination fed my dd for 12 months (who has a milk allergy so I had to give up all dairy). I think everyone should feel proud of feeding their baby, whether it be formula or breast. I don't feel the need for others except my dh to celebrate or acknowledge what I've done, although actually I have had a lot of people saying how well I've done as they know how much I love milk chocolate, ice cream and cheese! I've found it quite awkward when people have said how well I've done, although it does make me feel good really.

moita

Yes, I'm still co-sleeping too and the shame! I don't tell anyone.

I'm proud that I'm managing to get 30ml for my poorly 3 days old who is in neonatal (and will be for a while yet!!!)

However, I also appreciate that no-one else really gives a shit.

Why do you want approval / recognition / praise for feeding your baby? We all do it.

In our society, bf isn't 'normal, natural, commonplace' any more.

This

I think I'm probably more proud that I manage to parent 3 small DC than the fact that I breastfeed actually. I didn't have the best of childhoods myself so the fact that my children are pretty well-adjusted feels like a massive achievement to me. I don't say it out loud in real life, but I do still feel it!

You should be proud OP. I'm fucking immensely proud of myself for doing it. That has absolutely no correlation with how I feel about other people's feeding choices, I couldn't care a jot. But it's been incredibly hard work (and still is but the wee mite won't take a bottle or a dummy) so of course I'm proud. I don't shout it from the rooftops or anything, I must have nice friends because anyone who asks if I'm still breastfeeding are supportive, lovely and, probably not the right word, but impressed I.e. wow that's amazing, you're doing such a great job etc.

Well its less strange than being proud of giving birth without drugs...that's fucked up imho.

Being proud of over coming adversity is more socially acceptable, though equally odd, and sticking at something in spite of never usually doing that is certainly something you can take some pride in OP.

@Rainbowsandflowers78 Thanks for the advice! I just couldn’t get the nipple shields to stay on, got flustered when DS was screaming to be fed and the bloody things kept pinging off I think trying to get them established after everything else, and being sleep deprived, was not a good plan. Will definitely try to get to grips with them before DC2 arrives

Don't listen to the negativity OP, you should be proud, some women may not be able to bf (like myself) but I don't take any offence by your thread, it is a stressful time for some women and it's good you've had such an easy ride with it, keep it up! Sounds as though you're doing an amazing job

It is now basically seen as FF shaming to BF your baby, even though it IS better for them. And you’re not even allowed to feel proud of yourself if you make the effort to.

The formula companies have won, breastfeeding rates will never recover in this country - they will dwindle down to virtually nil, and it will only be an oddball few who bother.

My eldest was formula fed, my youngest breast fed. I'm proud of the decisions I made for both of them.

MN is very critical of breastfeeding mothers who dare to express pleasure or pride in breastfeeding and I think it's a real shame that mothers who do breastfeed can't feel pleased with themselves. Having pleasure in breastfeeding is not an implicit criticism of those who can't or choose not to breastfeed.

Let's celebrate nourishing our infants in a way that works for both mother and baby and not pile on the OP for being happy.

Re nipple shields make sure they are wet with some (cooled boiled or sterile) water - makes them stick! They are really hard to use and not all babies take them or get enough milk by them but always worth trying! Don’t feel worried about second baby - just plan to ff and give bf a go then anything you manage in terms of bf will be a positive

Yes me too. I'm proud of what my body can do. I'm proud of breastfeeding, it is for me intrinsically tied up with being a mother and I'm proud of being a mother. It is nothing like taking a shit. It does not just happen. It is important, it matters, and it is as much of an achievement as any other signifigant parenting act. I'm also proud, btw, of lots of other things I do as a parent. Obviously I don't talk about them, but the pride is there and I shouldn't pretend otherwise. Parenting is hard and often thankless, why shouldn't we acknowledge our achievements?

moaning cows are jealous

Do you know what? Yes. Yes we are. I am. My baby was in NICU and tubefed and couldn't latch. I was devastated. And ashamed of having to FF. I felt like a failure. It's great that you're proud, really it is. But maybe it's something to be privately proud of instead of publicly. It's an emotive subject for many women and somehow your pride in yourself and self congratulation feels a little put-downy and superior to those of us who already struggle with having had a shit time and it not working out for us.

It is not better for every single baby to be BF.

On a population level, yes, but there are individual cases when it is NOT best for that particular baby to be BF.

And I wish people would recognise that and not spout “it IS best for them”

I'd encourage you to find your 'people' I'm extremely proud of myself for continuing to BF DD for 19months through all of our struggles.
Other people's adversities does not diminish my success.

There are loads of brilliant BF FB groups that are a great source of support and encouragement and also lift you up through your success and hold your hand as you struggle.

@ItsAllABitStrangeReally but you just did!

I am proud that I breastfed my dd for 9 months. I had thrush, mastitis and gallstones that I had to be hospitisied for. I know the only reason I managed was my sheer stubbornness. Looking back I wouldn't have blamed myself for stopping but at the time I was in a fog of just wanting to get one thing right after a horrible birth etc.
I have to admit there is a tendency of people saying things like 'when are you going to give her a bottle?' I even got 'this has gone on long enough now' from my mil. I don't care how you feed your baby, my sister's both ff and their kids are happy and healthy the same as mine.
I breastfed because I believed it to be healthier, cheaper and easier long term. Whether this is true or not I think depends on the person. You can choose how to feed your baby, but I don't think there is anything wrong with been proud of doing something where you have had to work hard at it

Oh I haven’t read the full thread as it was all so negative but I absolutely think you should be proud!

Reality is that bf is a huge commitment and, even with the good fortune of not having any serious complication, requires a level of sacrifice that is different to other forms of feeding in that it is so much with the mother.

It’s also a huge practical skill to get your head round with positioning, feeding in public, batting away negativity, and navigating everyone else’s hostility to bf (which I’ve been lucky not to encounter in real life that much but is sadly most evident in this thread.

You should be proud - congrats! 👍👍

I'm proud that I'm still BFing 18 mo DS, and stuck at it through tongue tie, two bouts of mastitis, postnatal anxiety, separation from my partner, and the return to work.

It would have been so so easy to stop, so many times and give in to pressure from my family (who are quite remarkably knobbish about breastfeeding) - but I've stuck at it.

I'm sorry, and I don't really give a shit whether anyone else gives their own kid formula, breast milk, or orange bloody squash tbh- but I'm not going to diminish my feeling of accomplishment, in case somebody misreads my personal pride in my own accomplishment, as a slight on their preferred feeding method.

YANBU Op. be proud. Breastfeeding is not an easy choice in 21st C Britain for many women - and certainly not "the norm"- especially after 6 months. And you shouldn't feel guilty for your pride.

But it’s a one-way street Blue no one is EVER honest about the fact that formula is not a panacea for the ills of BF. If I have a quid for the number of babies I know who’ve had to go through the rigmarole of trying different milks when investigating if they have CMPA or dairy intolerance who didn’t have any problems when they were BF! Well, i’d have about a fiver, but 5 babies is a lot given I don’t know very many babies.

My daughter had three weeks of hell trying to breastfeed, she was desperate to do so but her daughter clearly wasn't getting enough milk and neither of them were getting sleep. I told her to give a bottle at night which helped the sleep but eventually she decided to give up, her Health Visitor then said Thank God, I would have told you to do that much earlier but t's more than my job's worth.
I was the sort of person who thrived on being pregnant, no morning sickness, still playing tennis, dinghy racing at 6 months etc but it wasn't a matter of pride, it was just how it was but that didn't stop some nasty comments from other women who thought that I was making it look too easy!

I have to hide the fact I still feed from my DH and family

How do you hide it from your DH?

When I was still BF our 2+ year old my DH wasn’t exactly happy about it but he would never have made me feel bad about it or suggest I stop.

My family on the other hand would have had a heart attack if they knew I was still feeding my son at that age!!

Blue - it’s better for every single baby to be breastfed - in what circumstances wouldn’t it be?

It isn’t always better for every mum/baby parenting combination to breastfeed, in fact many times it is better for a baby to be ff if the mum is struggling or the baby has trouble latching.