To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

I can’t imagine ever saying out loud “I am proud of myself for doing xxx”

The joy of achievement is that the achievement speaks for itself

Feel proud if you want to OP but the rest of the world doesn’t need to know about it

Getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth, having a newborn is all bloody hard work.

Getting pregnant is hard work? Only if you are very unlucky surely?

Thesleepier - I bf my baby had a similar start to you but nipple shields happen to work for me. I also still feel guilty when I think about the first few days when she didn’t really get anything before it got going so even if you had bf maybe you also would still feel like this
When I had my second I told myself it wasn’t going to happen again so I took formula and bottles into the hospital determined to ff if bf was hard but dc2 was so different and latched on straight away. If you have inverted nipples try wearing a nipple shell before your baby is born to draw them out and pump over the first few days too to increase supply

Getting pregnant is hard work for a lot of women, particularly those who struggle to conceive. In my case it was ridiculously easy and most enjoyable however

You should feel proud! You've overcome lots of pain and obstacles to keep bf.

Just don't be openly proud in front of mums who can't/chose not to breastfeed. There's a lot of stigma around FF, they don't need reminding of the benefits of breastmilk.

I felt guilt-ridden getting out a bottle of formula in the company of "proud" breastfeeders....I lasted 12 weeks and then buckled....turned out I genuinely didn't have enough milk

Of course breastfeeding is an achievement. It means you are doing the vast majority (if not all) of the feeds and there isn’t anyone else to share the huge amount of care of your baby.
If someone posted to say they’d done every formula feed from day one that would also be an achievement.
It is bloody hard work breastfeeding even when it isn’t “difficult” as it can be comfortable, it is tying and it is tiring in the early days. It means you are on duty the whole time and that dependency a new baby has on you can be quite overwhelming when you know the buck stops with you.

So OP be as proud as you like. And ignore all the bitter cows saying nonsense.

And fwiw I do often think “wow! I fed that human all be myself for those years” when I look at my adult kids as well as the younger ones too. And I lowered my risks of cancer too, and theirs. My boobs rock!

Haven't rtft.

I'm proud that I overcame massive, painful obstacles and managed to breastfeed twins. I can see why others would be proud that they managed to have a vaginal delivery; I didn't, but I appreciate why they enjoy a sense of achievement.

Could say that about a lot of things, really: educational achievements, employment, etc. Mostly down to favourable circumstances to begin with.

I found giving birth really hard and by no 4 was requesting an elective Ceasarian.
I found bf really easy, both me and the babies thrived. But I'm not ashamed of the first or proud of the second, it's just how my body worked.

I've been constipated for 2 weeks and managed to pass a shit the size of the titanic this morning. It was a proud moment.........didnt feel the need to tell all and sundry tho 🙄🙄🙄

I'm jealous! My LO wouldn't latch so I gave up after a fortnight. It was so complicated for me. It's a hard thing, so you should feel pleased you've had an easier time than some do
The upside to formula though is that they sleep through the night more

Fyi im not talking about announcing how proud i am to a room full of people but saying yeah im proud i got this far. Maybe pp are right though and may be more appropriate to say pleased rather than proud.

@OhMyFuck

Why would you be proud about doing something that is just natural that zillions of other women do? Also, for the mothers that for any reason can't breastfeed, to hear how 'proud' you are makes them feel shit and also think less of you for boasting. If you can/choose to bf, then good for you; just get on with it.

This.

Whether the OP is meaning to come across and smug and pious I don't know, but that is how she is coming across.

@TwilightRiver

And no-one is 'slagging off those that breastfeed' stop talking nonsense.

People are only slagging off pious individuals, who feel the need to crow about it like they are something special for doing it.

This is a goady thread. Did you post it to wind people up? Serious question.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

I can't stand braggarts. They are not kind and not sensitive to other people, just full of their own importance and unable to gauge their audience... or when they post on AIBU, they gauge it fine-well.

THIS! ^

Nobody is bitter or or jellus, people are just reacting accordingly to a goady thread.

Turning a normal, natural, commonplace human thing into something that deserves to be praised and admired simply serves to make those who can't do it feel inferior and lacking.

I feel the same about my Facebook friend who runs marathons and goes on about it all the time. FGS just shut up about it! Not everyone has the ability to run. Same goes for my friend who is proud that she has just been promoted after years of hard work- she needs to watch what she says in case she upsets someone who wasn't as fortunate.

It's always the same with women isn't it. If a woman dares to say she's proud of herself for something she is faced with other women telling her it's no special achievement and get back in that box.

'Getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth, having a newborn is all bloody hard work. '

No offense but getting pregnant isn't bloody hard work for a lot of people.

I really don't understand what there is to feel proud about a biological process you have little control over. Despite a long labour, failed forceps, a emcs and an unfortunate and un-medicated psychotic episode by day 3 I had a lot of milk. I never got mastitis and whilst Ds's sense of direction in the uterus was pretty crap, his ability to locate nipples was excellent.

It's great if it works but if it does, it seems to be down to luck more than anything. I did nothing different to my friend whose baby lost 25 percent of her birth weight and needed an emergency admittance to hospital.

I think with regards to your friends, it will depend on why they FF. For example, I switched to FF at 3 months for my mental health and I'm fine when friends who breastfed for much longer bring it up and I was supportive of them. They did what was best for them/their children, I did the same. However the friend I referenced earlier is really touchy about breastfeeding because not only did it not work for her, it put her child in hospital with the Drs talking about delayed development/brain damage.

As for your 5th paragraph, I think really depends on your family/community. Here breastfeeding is pretty normal so no one said any of that to me. That doesn't mean though that FF mums don't get criticised, it's just different criticisms. Being a Mum gets you a ton of unwanted advice. I've had people tell me I shouldn't let ds (almost 3) walk a mile to his 2's group even though he hates the pushchair and loves to walk, that I shouldn't carry him in a sling when he was smaller, that his hair is too long and a multitude of other sins.

petbear not intending to be goady. Genuine question.

Isadora, you are the reason why women who formula feed are made to feel so inadequate when really, it's not them who is lacking, it's you.

Your boobs may well 'rock' but your statement that using them lowered your risk of cancer and your children's is insensitive in the extreme. I really hope that you are not hoist by your own petard.

I think it’s a wonderful bit of biology that I can keep a child nourished for the first six months of his life with only milk from my one body. I’m not sure that I’m proud of myself (except for persevering through difficult circumstances with baby1) - but I definitely appreciate that it’s possible.

Maybe Tesco should sell badges that read "I'm a PROUD breastfeeding mother and my child will therefore live a long healthy life because of ME!"

I wasn't fortunate when I had my twins. They were early, sick, one wasn't growth restricted. I didn't get to hold them, I didn't get to latch them until day 5 and day 18 or thereabouts. They were too weak to feed from me. I pumped every two hours for 7 months because my supply was absolutely dire and it felt like the world was ending because I couldn't feed them directly and had to supplement them with formula. I was part of bfing groups that attacked women who used formula, mocked women who pumped, dismissed women who "failed" as not trying hard enough because it had been "hard" for them too.

Am I proud? No. Looking back I must have been completely insane to do what I did, to the extent I did it. I internalised all the nonsense floating around that told me I was less of a mother for failing in this way, and it was only when I stopped and stepped back from it that I realised I had wasted the first half a year of their lives stressed, crying and hooked up to a pump.

Bfing is hard. Ffing is hard. Pumping is hard. Having a baby is bloody hard.

I have to hide the fact I still feed from my DH and family

Now that is sad. I used to feel like this about the fact I co-sleep with my one year old. People are so judgemental..

Of course it's an achievement, it's an achievement to grow a tiny human in your tummy, give birth to it and feed

Err no. It's biology. All part of being a mammal.

Since when did parenting become such a "thing"? Are some people's lives so empty of other achievements that this is all they have?

Wow

I did it for 13 months (ebf with a bottle introduced after one week and how I hated expressing!) and I consider it an achievement because at times it was one of the hardest things to do but I carried on as I thought it was best for my family. I'm not a martyr and I don't think it matters in the long run but it is something I'm proud of.