Aibu to ask if you are living the life you hoped for?

[thelastjedi]

Hi all,

Just wanted to get some views to see if people are living he life they want to live basically being nosey.

On paper I have the life I've always aspire to have, two kids, my own home, a very good career that lets me work 4 days a week with pension, good holidays etc.

In reality I am so tired from keeping up this existence and I have a bad hip/pelvis which started to play up over a year ago and hasn't been right since. I'm still young-ish and I just feel I'm on the treadmill of life, commute, pick ups from after school club and childminders and rushing around like a maniac every evening before bedtime only to have very early starts the next day with a long commute to work.

If I could go back in time and tell my younger self that by the time I was 30 I would have a great career,two gorgeous kids and my own (mortgaged) place, younger self would have thought my life was set. Present self feels like it's not all it's cracked up to be.

So.... is it normal to feel this way or would you say your life is what you expected it to be and do you enjoy it?

I'm not trying to sound ungrateful but sometimes I wish life would let me have time to take stock of things instead of moving in a hurried blur.

no - I never wanted to be a single parent and I loved my ex - but he left

however it may not be the life I planned but it's a good life - I am happy

Normal to feel that way I reckon. But doesn’t mean you have to carry on feeling that way. Do you have chance to do things just for you? Carve out a little time for yourself?

I probably look like I’ve got my shit together, good job, own Home, independent single mother to a thriving child. Yet I’m incredibly lonely and have PND.

No I'm not. But I'm doing it for my children, who are happy with life as it is.

I’ve got a good career, three fab DC, a lovely DH, nice friends, no money worries. It’s everything I could have wanted and I do feel very content. Yes the day-to-day grind of work / cooking and cleaning / DC’s homework and activities etc can be a bit wearing, but I just accept that as I know how lucky I am.

A long commute and constant hip pain does sound stressful though. Any chance you could cut down on the commute? Have you tried physio for the hip?

Could you move to shorten the commute? I wish I had done that while my dc were very young.

I wanted to have children and never did. I have a job rather than a career. But I do enjoy it, and I have a great marriage and a nice home. So on balance yes.

No. I regularly tell myself this is the only life I will ever have and look at it.

For the opposite reason to you.

When I was about 34 my dp left out of nowhere when we seemingly had no problems and had chosen names for future dc and planning on buying a house together.

I found out later he was cheating. They are now married with a kid and are happy at my expense.

Since then I've been cheated on by the next guy I dated and have given up.

I got made redundant. Am spending my savings to pay my rent.

I've been alone all weekend. Shall I go to the gym AGAIN to have someone to talk to?

Want to swap ok?

Ok now I think mumsnet is listening to me via my phone..... in a short answer, no. Not at all.

No it isnt what I expected. I'm single mum, by choice, by adoption and my so has ASD and a learning difficulty. I don't like my job but I work part time, mostly the people are Ok and it pays me what I need. I have 3 years left on the mortgage.

Sometimes its very, very hard. But my son is amazing, doing so well. We are a family and yes overall I'm happy where I am.

I think life goes in phases, I was pretty miserable between 30 - 36/7. Sometimes life is just a treadmill. But the kids will grow up, become more independent and you will start to get your life back.

I did make two decisions when I was 40, to adopt and to forget about a 'career'. I have a decent enough job in the civil service, no commute, it doesn't tax my brain too much and it gives me what I need to live and time to support my son.

It sounds like the commute is the real killer for you. Is there any possiblity of working closer to home?

It's better than I thought it could be.
I've ended up with a fantastic DP for 27 years. and 2 now adult kids(18 and21) who are good company.
We all have decent jobs, somewhere to call hone, nice friends and no worries at the moment. I am grateful for all this.

I don't know tbh. I have a good, happy life, but was very unsettled as a teen and didn't really think if adulthood. I think I always assumed I would be a high-flier, married to a high flyer, but probably because that's what my parents and school assumed for me and my peer group.

As it is I am married to a lovely man, have a lovely little house and 3 (mostly ) lovely children. We home ed which means a really nice home life, but less money than if they went to school.

I'M thinking ahead to when our youngest is a year or two old though, I'd like to return to work or training but not sure what yet.

Yes kind of.. but opposite to what I thought.

In my 20s I was long term single and put my energies in to my career.

I ended up thinking I would never get to be a mum/wife.. .to put it bluntly I just couldn't seem to attract a relationship and it got me very down.

I eventually met my Mr. Right and now have a lovely family life with two kids, our own home.

But it has seriously killed my career! I'm doing a job that is boring and below my skill set and I should have left it a long time ago but the work life balance and the pay is good and so I've not been able to. However my career has stagnated big time.

I suppose one out of two isn't bad!

Money wise we aren't the poorest but we aren't the richest. Kind of average.. able to afford some treats and this year we're even going on a cheap holiday but the money always seems to run out earlier each month and we definitely have to think hard about what we can afford to buy.

But hey at the end of the day family is more important than career or money IMHO so I don't think I've done too badly.

At the moment yes completely. Its better than I could have ever hoped for.

Not what I expected at all. I worked ridiculously hard to get qualifications but career aspirations were frustrated by recession and a poor job market. Instead of a career I ended up earning barely more than min wage in a zero hour temp job. Now a pregnant SAHM (originally wanted to be child-free but decided to have a baby as an escape from my rubbish job). I wish I could go back and rewrite a few endings for that girl who had such high hopes

No, not at all.
If I had my time again I don't think I would marry or have children.

Yes - I have the husband home and family I dreamed of.
No- we have had a financial rollercoaster all our married life (30 years) due to bad decisions and unemployment.this has damaged my enjoyment of what we do have.

I think I am , more or less, I'm happy in my career, my kids are almost grown up and therefore , I have a lot of freedom , my marriage is good, having survived a major crisis. However,
it's not the life I imagined when I was 17 though.....I imagined at least one son (I have 4 daughters ) and I imagined living in or close to my home town (I live two hours away)
And I imagined having more money although we live a very comfortable life.

A little bit more money would be nice... just enough to put DS in nursery for a couple of mornings a week so I could catch up on studying/do some housework.

I’d also really really like a mortgage, even a 2 bed flat would be fine.

But I can’t complain really...feeling cheerful as I watch the snow out of the window.

I did, six months ago. DH and I were just starting to get to the point where we were comfortable financially, DS is in the last year of sixth form and so our work as parents is entering a new phase. Then DH was diagnosed with cancer and then two days before New Year we found out that it's terminal. So just as we were getting to a great place we may not have very long together, and what time we do have is likely to be full of chemo (starts this week) and hospital visits. It's like a cruel joke.

In some ways, yes. Two DCs who are great (most of the time!), dh (likewise). Comfortably off, fairly healthy, have good friends.
I’m not totally happy with our house, but we are trying to improve a few things which will make it better, and may move once ds finished with school as not tied to area. Job is ok, but pay is dreadful and can’t progress there so will be looking elsewhere soon. Family - no comment!!
I think the latter is the thing that upsets me most as I have barely any close family now and dh’s isn’t great! Not much I can do about that though...
I went wrong with my career somewhere along the line and shouldn’t have listened to dh re his enthusiasm for buying this house. Otherwise I could t have influenced much more in my life.

Not by a long way. I wanted to leave the country I grew up in because I don't really like it. But my husband wanted to stay, so we've stayed. I wanted a big career and travel and I wasn't fussed about having children. But I never got a foot in the door of a career and although I've got some decent opportunities coming up, I'm now half way through my working life but still doing school leaver level work in order to build up my CV.

I'm not terribly unhappy, I don't get up every day and dread my life. I like my job and love my husband and children, and we have a decent standard of living. But it's not really what I want from life.

AndNoneForGretchenwieners I am so sorry.

I never gave my future life much thought, apart from vague aspirations to lead a revolutionary army of some sort but I'm not sure I've ever really had the energy to overthrow capitalism and the patriarchy and I can't decide which to do first.
Aside from that I've got a little house, 2 kids, a kind and funny partner and I work in the women's sector. If I'd guessed where I'd end up it would've been round about here and I'm pretty content with my lot.

Nope. I'm completely trapped in single parent life in boring shitty suburbia with no friends nearby and only the kids to talk to.

I thought I would be travelling the world, living in a commune, or campaigning for human rights issues.

Instead I'm here. Yawn yawn yawn