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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give in to wedding guests demands

329 replies

14spanner · 21/01/2018 03:36

This may seem trivial but I can’t sleep due to the cheeky fuckery here.

DP are getting married in August. It is a very small wedding with only 12 guests (all family apart from my bridesmaid & her husband).

We have hired a cottage for the full weekend for the celebrations and intended it to be more like a family weekend away than a wedding.

Due to the small number of people the cottage could accommodate I have been unable to invite my brother who lives overseas. although he is upset he has been completely understanding. The venue has been booked since 2016.

In December DP’s sister announced that her and her partner were unhappy at being allocated a twin ensuite room at the cottage so to avoid drama I moved my bridesmaid and her DH into the twin so SIL and partner could have the double (not ensuite but with a dedicated bathroom directly opposite).

Last night I received a text asking if they could be moved to an ensuite room as her DP simply ‘couldn’t live without one’ and he won’t be attending unless he gets one.

My DP and I aren’t even staying in an ensuite room or even in the main cottage with the other guests. we have taken a room in the coach house as we thought putting guests away from the main house would make them feel unwelcome.

DP and I are paying for everything, cottage hire, caterers, cars, entertainment, drinks etc. All people need to do is turn up, eat, drink & be merry. We have requested cards only (no gifts).

WIBU to tell this guy not to come and move SIL into a twin room with another family member. This would mean I could invite my brother.

DP and I have met this guy twice.

My DP is going round to his mums later where SIL will be. I would like a resolution today so if you lovely vipers could help me with how to respond to the request I’d be most grateful.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 07/02/2018 17:24

I cannot get over the fact they thought they should get the Bridal Suite CFs!!!!

FizzyGreenWater · 07/02/2018 17:26

Well, I'd obviously take your DP's opinion into main consideration here as she is his sister... but I think you would be perfectly reasonable to stress that it's quite ok, LLF does not need to worry at all about being put into any situations which might prove distasteful to him as you are bravely going to manage without him at Wedding Mk II.

As for Bridezilla. I REALLY hope that your DP is stepping up here and making it crystal clear to anyone she has moaned to - especially his family - exactly what's gone on and who is the Guestzilla. Don't for a moment let it be the case that you end up carrying the can and being blamed for any bad feeling. And if they get pissed off - who cares, hopefully you'll be distancing yourselves from now on anyway. What a pair of knobs!

Lovelittlethings · 07/02/2018 17:28

You have the patience of a saint, I can't believe you're being so nice to them!

I think you need to ask yourself - do you really want them there? If yes, then invite them but be straight with them about the angst and upset caused, and ask them to respect your new plans.

If no, then just don't invite them and don't feel bad!

carefreeeee · 07/02/2018 17:32

off topic but LLF in the book was actually a really nice, kind and self effacing child who loved everyone and put himself last.

BIL seems more like the princess and the pea

JamPasty · 07/02/2018 17:36

You would be being totally reasonable to not invite either LLF or SIL, the entitled twunts! Personally I'd have the small wedding you planned originally, minus them. That's easy for me to say though as I don't have to face any fallout. What a shitty situation they have put you in!

expatinscotland · 07/02/2018 17:41

If I were your DP I would have told her just to sling her hook and stayed with your original plans. She doesn't have to come if she doesn't like it. He needs to grow a backbone here. I'm not a fan of these multiple-day weddings, either. One day is more than enough.

But now? I'd leave it up to your DP but seeing as he's a bit wet, he'll probably invite both SIL and LLF. I'd leave him off entirely. And anyone she moaned to would be getting an earful from me.

MichaelBendfaster · 07/02/2018 17:51

I can't believe you gave in, TBH. You should have told the SIL and the fucking entitled manchild to like it or lump it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/02/2018 18:51

Well done OP, you're having your brother over now and that's going to make you really happy.

As far as the SIL/LLF invitation goes, I'd give it some thought as to whether you want them there at all. What does your husband-to-be say?

KarmaStar · 07/02/2018 18:57

Hi OP
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding I hope you have the day(s)of your dreams.
It's your wedding.
Don't accommodate them again,it's unfair on you and the other people who have been moved about and could feel they are second to sil and her partner.
They sound very very entitled.
Invite your brother instead.
Flowers

Pengggwn · 07/02/2018 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greeeen · 07/02/2018 19:10

I would rescind his invite and hope that SIL was a no show, I would be annoyed everytime I saw him at the wedding. Definitely not the grown up thing to do though!

Tour · 07/02/2018 19:12

Def leave him off the invite. Does she know about the change of plans?

MaggieFS · 07/02/2018 19:49

What! You cancelled all those plans? My goodness! I'd have told them both where to go and given their room to DB after all that. Who are the to say 'not good enough'.

I hope it all works out OP, I'm sure you'll still have a marvellous day.

LoveProsecco · 07/02/2018 20:10

What an update OP! You sound so calm. How do you feel about the new wedding plans?

I really hope she doesn't attend, I would be fuming at her selfishness.

Sending you BrewThanksCakeGin

StephiD3 · 07/02/2018 20:51

I can’t believe you’ve changed your whole wedding Shock.

Is SIL usually like that with family giving in to her demands?

Good that your brother can hopefully come now though - at least something nice has come out of all this!

Original poster
14spanner · 07/02/2018 20:53

I’m quite excited about the new plans, which has surprised me tbh.
I pity the 180 guests who have to look at me in a dress though.
I’m fat. And old. Ha ha

It should be a good old shindig.

There won’t be any speeches though, DP doesn’t trust himself not to raise a toast to LLF for being a righteous arseclown.

OP posts:
iheartmichellemallon · 07/02/2018 21:39

You're a better person than I am Op as I'd have been fuming! Hope you have an amazing day!

emmyrose2000 · 07/02/2018 21:50

I can't believe you cancelled the original house and plans entirely instead of just simply rescinding SIL and LLF's invitation. It doesn't make any sense to me.

Curtainshopping · 07/02/2018 22:03

Did you really change your entire wedding because of them being difficult over a room?

Quorafun · 07/02/2018 22:06

12 people is just a normal Saturday meal at my house. I'm impressed that you can have an entire wedding with just 12 people.

FlashTheSloth · 07/02/2018 22:07

Sorry OP but you were a mug for cancelling the whole thing because of SILs tantrum. But I'm glad you are excited about new plan and that it includes your brother.

Since LLF aka The Twat said he isn't coming, I'd definitely leave his name off the invitation. Tbh I'd begrudge even sending SIL one, she sounds like a right cow.

Leeds2 · 07/02/2018 22:10

Not sure I would invite SIL either. And I certainly would NOT invite LLF!

ConfusedButInLove · 07/02/2018 22:19

Im sorry but the sil would be off the list along with llf. What an utter brat. Does she realise you have changed your whole wedding plans because of her and moron man-child?
Anyways I hope it's a wonderful day for you and your dh-to-be FlowersWine

mamamalt · 07/02/2018 22:20

Lovely update!! Hooray!
Whether you invite the arseclown or not (I would take the higher ground just so you feel better) enjoy your party!!!! And feel beautiful! It's your wedding! Literally no one there will think you look anything h other than perfect.
Good luck!

StrangeLookingParasite · 07/02/2018 22:41

Turns out they’d viewed the website and they wanted the bridal suite room with a jacuzzi bath & sauna, the room we’d allocated to my parents.

Jesus wept.
I'd say he should feel ashamed, but I don't think he's capable of it.