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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give in to wedding guests demands

329 replies

14spanner · 21/01/2018 03:36

This may seem trivial but I can’t sleep due to the cheeky fuckery here.

DP are getting married in August. It is a very small wedding with only 12 guests (all family apart from my bridesmaid & her husband).

We have hired a cottage for the full weekend for the celebrations and intended it to be more like a family weekend away than a wedding.

Due to the small number of people the cottage could accommodate I have been unable to invite my brother who lives overseas. although he is upset he has been completely understanding. The venue has been booked since 2016.

In December DP’s sister announced that her and her partner were unhappy at being allocated a twin ensuite room at the cottage so to avoid drama I moved my bridesmaid and her DH into the twin so SIL and partner could have the double (not ensuite but with a dedicated bathroom directly opposite).

Last night I received a text asking if they could be moved to an ensuite room as her DP simply ‘couldn’t live without one’ and he won’t be attending unless he gets one.

My DP and I aren’t even staying in an ensuite room or even in the main cottage with the other guests. we have taken a room in the coach house as we thought putting guests away from the main house would make them feel unwelcome.

DP and I are paying for everything, cottage hire, caterers, cars, entertainment, drinks etc. All people need to do is turn up, eat, drink & be merry. We have requested cards only (no gifts).

WIBU to tell this guy not to come and move SIL into a twin room with another family member. This would mean I could invite my brother.

DP and I have met this guy twice.

My DP is going round to his mums later where SIL will be. I would like a resolution today so if you lovely vipers could help me with how to respond to the request I’d be most grateful.

OP posts:
Agyne · 21/01/2018 14:15

"Thanks for letting me know no en suite is a deal breaker for your DP. Even me and x haven't got one and we're the bride and groom! I'll put you in with your mum and reallocate your old room. Thanks again for letting me know x"

OldPony · 21/01/2018 14:17

But the bride and groom to have one. And they also get to stay somewhere private!

RavenWings · 21/01/2018 14:25

Hands up who would like to spend a whole weekend in one cottage with 14 people half of whom you don't know as they are in laws family and have to endure planned entertainment all weekend?

Sounds great to me, actually. I like weddings, I like people. And even if I didn't like my in laws, I'd get over myself and go. It's only one weekend.

This man is a cheeky git. If he needed an ensuite for medical reasons, he was given that originally and should have been happy with that.

BrimFire · 21/01/2018 15:23

A weekend is some peoples only down time. Having to spend it close quarters with strangers being on your best behaviour is quite stressful. Having to sleep in a single bed is horrible. Having to put something on every time you want a wee or having people see you in a towel as you cross the hall is tedious.
Yes on their own each is manageable. Together it's a crap weekend away.
The Op has it set up already so he looks petty if he refuses to come , petty if he stays elsewhere and petty for trying to make the best of it. I'm sure he'll come but you have to understand why he is delighted at the prospect?

Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2018 15:42

Well brim, he does not have to.come! I don't think op will mind if he doesn't. There is the option to decline the invite, or make your own arrangements with regards to hotels. Op is paying, so if you don't like it organise something yourself, simple!

MichaelBendfaster · 21/01/2018 15:54

Having to spend it close quarters with strangers being on your best behaviour is quite stressful. Having to sleep in a single bed is horrible. Having to put something on every time you want a wee or having people see you in a towel as you cross the hall is tedious.

Christ. I consider myself to hate weddings/strange beds and houses/people generally, but I have and will again in future, I'm sure, put up with it for the sake of events like this. What delicate flowers some people must be.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2018 16:02

Op is having her wedding they way they want, they cannot start giving into the demands of guests. If those invited don't like to waste their weekends, than they do not have to come, or they can make their own arrangements to stay somewhere that best suits them. I don't think the op SIL and BIL will have any problems with telling op they prefer to make their own arrangements, considering how rude they have been to op and her fiance.

SoupDragon · 21/01/2018 16:04

The Op has it set up already so he looks petty if he refuses to come , petty if he stays elsewhere and petty for trying to make the best of it. I'm sure he'll come but you have to understand why he is delighted at the prospect?

He’s already been moved from the twin room to the double on his request so it is petty to whinge about something else.

The horror of having to sleep in a single bed for a weekend!! Or use a “dedicated bathroom” that is just across the hall!! It’s virtually the same as camping in a muddy field.

TrinitySquirrel · 21/01/2018 16:04

Tell them to grow the fuck up. If they dont like what's on offer, don't come. They're supposed to be there for you. Not an all expenses jolly.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2018 16:05

But I bet that they won't as they sound like they could be too tight to pay for a hotel for themselves, and instead expect op to pay for it, as its her wedding after all.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2018 16:06

TBH I would rather the pair of them don't come and ruin the wedding with that stinky attitude.

SoupDragon · 21/01/2018 16:06

I stYed with my parents at Christmas. Not only did I have to share a twin room with my DD, I had to share the bathrooms with my entire family (11 in total).

We all survived without a single whinge.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2018 16:08

Exactly, its one weekend ffs and its being paid for, I would have no right to whinge, if I really wanted a room with an en suit, I would say to op: " thanks for the kind offer of staying with you at the cottage, we will make our own arrangements to sleep, and be with you for your celebrations in the day and evening".

expatinscotland · 21/01/2018 16:14

He doesn't have to go, Brim. It's not compulsory.

'Having to spend it close quarters with strangers being on your best behaviour is quite stressful. Having to sleep in a single bed is horrible. Having to put something on every time you want a wee or having people see you in a towel as you cross the hall is tedious.'

You sound like such fun!

I hold my hand up, I'm not a fan of weddings. I find most of them a waste of time. It's just a party and I don't see the fuss, but fucking hell, it won't kill anyone to sleep in a single bed and share a bathroom for a night or two.

ForalltheSaints · 21/01/2018 16:15

If an ensuite was asked for because of a medical condition then it would be reasonable. By the sounds of it not, so refusing would be perfectly reasonable. They can stay nearby and join in the celebrations.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2018 16:18

Exactly, if there was a medical need I am sure op would accommodate that, and there would not be an issue, by the sounds of it there isent!

expatinscotland · 21/01/2018 16:22

And they have a dedicated bathroom, if he has the shits he can still access it asap.

Rhodiolia · 21/01/2018 16:26

I would love a weekend like this with my family, especially for their wedding.

mummmy2017 · 21/01/2018 16:28

If your DB loves you as much as you know you love him, he would have told you if he could come.

Please don't stress over it.

Given the position he's in money wise I bet he is glad your not being a Bridezilla about him attending.

wizzler · 21/01/2018 16:30

DPs sister you say ? DP to sort it then !

KendalMintCakey · 21/01/2018 16:39

Don't be so hard on yourself. Weddings are hard. People get silly and picky. Why on Earth are you spending the whole weekend with them? My idea of hell tbh...

BrimFire · 21/01/2018 16:39

SoupDragon YOUR parents. YOUR Completely different to sharing with someone else's family to celebrate something that really doesn't have anything to do with you.
Yes he could say he can't make it but expect his partner ( grooms sister) might have something to say. Is anyone else invited that he might get along with?

Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2018 16:46

Then they can book a Travelodge brim or sort it out between themselves, its not op problem.

PuppyMonkey · 21/01/2018 16:50

May I offer my usual suggestion for CF texts, which is to simply reply with: “lol.”

DancingOnRainbows · 21/01/2018 16:55

So you didn't invite your brother yet invited someone you've met twice?

The reason you didn't invite your brother is because he was recently made redundant, yet you booked the venue in 2016 and said in your first post you didn't invite him because there's no space.

I'd be upset too if I was him.

But yanbu about your cf sil and dp, which is what you asked about.