To not give in to wedding guests demands

[14spanner]

This may seem trivial but I can’t sleep due to the cheeky fuckery here.

DP are getting married in August. It is a very small wedding with only 12 guests (all family apart from my bridesmaid & her husband).

We have hired a cottage for the full weekend for the celebrations and intended it to be more like a family weekend away than a wedding.

Due to the small number of people the cottage could accommodate I have been unable to invite my brother who lives overseas. although he is upset he has been completely understanding. The venue has been booked since 2016.

In December DP’s sister announced that her and her partner were unhappy at being allocated a twin ensuite room at the cottage so to avoid drama I moved my bridesmaid and her DH into the twin so SIL and partner could have the double (not ensuite but with a dedicated bathroom directly opposite).

Last night I received a text asking if they could be moved to an ensuite room as her DP simply ‘couldn’t live without one’ and he won’t be attending unless he gets one.

My DP and I aren’t even staying in an ensuite room or even in the main cottage with the other guests. we have taken a room in the coach house as we thought putting guests away from the main house would make them feel unwelcome.

DP and I are paying for everything, cottage hire, caterers, cars, entertainment, drinks etc. All people need to do is turn up, eat, drink & be merry. We have requested cards only (no gifts).

WIBU to tell this guy not to come and move SIL into a twin room with another family member. This would mean I could invite my brother.

DP and I have met this guy twice.

My DP is going round to his mums later where SIL will be. I would like a resolution today so if you lovely vipers could help me with how to respond to the request I’d be most grateful.

I would be telling her that she absolutely can have a double ensuite.....and explain travel lodge will be more than happy to accommodate their needs

I’m confused. You have invited DP’s sister and her partner (who you barely know) but not your own brother?

ravenclaw relist sounds spot on .... suggest the relatively unknown demander of en suite find alternative accommodation as due to change of family situation (your brother visiting) you're now unable to accomodate the entitled guest - and issue your brother that
space instead. Good luck.

I'd invite your brother. The partner might come and go but your brother will always be with you

Would it be too much to put them up in a local premier inn instead? Have your brother over - (as a sibling who didn’t get invited to her sisters wedding due to some family politics which had nothing to do with me) I told her I understood because I didn’t want to upset her but I’m still hurt that I wasn’t invited x sorry I’m sure it will all work out

I don’t think OP is coming back, folks.

I don’t really blame her.

I'm laughing at the thought of someone who 'can't live without' an ensuite. First world problems! Agree with pp. Offer either choice with a deadline to get back to you.

Is there not space in the main hotel where you are? If so, what about saying 'unfortunately that's not possible, but if you want to stay in the main hotel/premier lodge/whatever I'll enquire about a discount for you, but I can't pay for any more rooms. Let me know by X because I really want to invite DB if there's going to be space now.'

It's suddenly less funny if you live with someone who has a bowel condition and experiences urgency or embarrassing issues relating to going to the toilet monkey.

Tell them that as they're unhappy with the arrangements in the cottage, you've decided to let them sort their own accommodation out. Give your brother the twin or the double.

If I don't want what is on offer for free I sort myself out surely?

I wouldnt give in to the demands. If then he chooses not to come thats up to him. Its your day x your choices your footing the bill they should be more considerate to your choices. At least shes been able to attend unlike your brother!! She should think herself lucky!!! Oops sorry strong views on this as a lady!! Its your day do what you choose so they dont have an ensuite!!! Neither do most of us ordinary people everyday of our lives if they cant manage 1 day without one the poor them !!!

If a medical condition was the issue they would take the twin. Its their own bathroom across the corridor int he other room - really 2ft of corridor!!

Don’t beat yourself up op. I’ve found that people have the most horrendous opinions about your own wedding. It’s crazy! Offend whoever you want by inviting and univiting. They have no problem when it comes to offending you! Be brutal sod them!

Let them know they are no longer welcome and you are now inviting your brother who was previously unable to make it as you didn’t have enough room. That will teach them for being so demanding. Rude.

Easy.

Respond to SIL: "Actually, that works really well for me, because we're short of rooms. Let me know whether you'll be coming without him (so I can allocate you a single bed) or whether you will both be coming but stay in a local hotel. That means I can invite DB whom I'd originally had to leave off the guest list due to lack of space."

That way you're putting all the info in her court, but in a less confrontational way. It gives her the chance to "do the right thing".

As cloud said !

SIL and her DP are being dicks. Put your foot down and say it’s the double room or nothing.

what cloud said.

Invite your brother over put him in the double room.

Boob a b&b for the SIL at their cost

Have we lost the OP?

In most twin rooms I have stayed in, in holiday cottages , it is simply a case of moving a little bedside table between the beds and pushing them together to make a super king size , could they not just have done that ? Sorry if this has already been mentioned as a solution to their nit picking

No different advice than what’s already been given but just popping these here 👀👀 incase op comes back with an update!

Tell her, "take it or leave it". If she doesn't feel she is able to attend, you will understand, why would you want a drama queen at YOUR big day? it is supposed to be about you.

Poor you, you sound so stressed and you've been very generous in providing everyone with accommodation!

I respectfully disagree with people who say you should offer her a choice.

You say that your brother can't really come but you're still thinking of ways to let him come - if he can possibly be there, he really should be. He sounds nice and you seem to really like him. I'd definitely prioritise his place over the CF SIL BF (am I right, he's not even technically your BIL is he?).

So here's my idea; the SIL and the BF should be thrown into a Travelodge (cheapest room) as although cheap, they all have en-suites.

I think this would be the best way to go really, you simply explain that there's no double room with an en-suite available and therefore you've booked a Travelodge for them. THEN your lovely brother can come and stay in the twin room.

I would do that (book the TL with free cancellation, it's only a little extra) and not even give them the chance to argue. I'd say they're welcome to come and join in with everyone during the time you're there outside of the actual wedding and TBH if, offended, they don't come, it sounds like a very good thing, especially since your brother will be able to stay with everyone.

This seems even more appropriate since your brother lives overseas and would probably love to be with everyone together.

The more I think about this the more it seems like a good idea. So don't even give her the chance to argue, just tell her that they're in the Travelodge. If she objects or refuses to come, just cancel the TL.

Good luck and purleeease update us all :)

I hope you have a lovely day!