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AIBU?

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Original poster

Teacher described me as hopeless

424 replies

Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 16:09

I got a phone call yesterday about some missing homework and I responded politely.

Anyway, we had said goodbye and I heard the teacher say to someone else ‘she is hopeless isn’t she, ‘

I get she didn’t mean me to hear but I’m still so angry ... should I say anything?

OP posts:
diddl · 20/01/2018 17:40

"they would have expected an apology and a reason IMO. "

For an 11yr old?

Starlight2345 · 20/01/2018 17:40

This is a hard thread to find info . It took 5 pages to find out primary. 11 could be primary or high school.

I would assume by year 6 you get the homework system within your school . But your lack of detail makes it hard . Was it topic he didn’t have time , was it he didn’t bother, does he usually do homework . My Ds (year6) does his homework to lesser or more effort . I check his homework book to make sure it is done . I have never been phoned about homework before . Have you ?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/01/2018 17:40

Page 4 I said I’m sorry about that, I’ll tell him to do it tonight.

RavenWings · 20/01/2018 17:40

11 year olds should be getting more independent with their work. Sometimes though, you need someone at home to give them a bit of a kick in the ass and make sure they're bringing their work in/remembering to wear PE uniform on the proper day etc. I wonder if the phone call had more of a subtext of "please have a firm conversation with your son about his responsibilities".

Mind you I'm still surprised that the missing homework is a one off. I'd call or write a note if it was repeated.

TheletterZ · 20/01/2018 17:41

The opinion from anyone on here, who don't know you, doesn't matter. You can not judge whether ther op is hopeless or not because her forum posts are brief.

Op, I can really understand why you are hurt so you need to think how to go on from here. Ask yourself honestly, has organisation been difficult for you? Do you find communication with the school hard? Would meeting face to face be easier for you then over the phone?

Does your son have difficulties with organising his homework? If so, then he might need some strategies to help before secondary.

thecatfromjapan · 20/01/2018 17:41

I think Curious has solved it.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 17:41

I’ve said several times now that I have not been contacted about homework before.

OP posts:
ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 20/01/2018 17:41

And jeez people, how can the OP give a lengthy reason to the teacher for lack of homework? If need to speak to my son after the call and ask him why!! I see no need to inform the teacher of every facet of your personal life over one piece of homework!!

cansu · 20/01/2018 17:42

tbh even if you are right and she did say this. She didnt say it to you and will in all likelihood tell you that you are mistaken or misheard if you bring it up. How will this make you feel better about it? If you think you are hopeless then deal with it. If not I would think teacher was a bit of a bitch and move on with my life.

JimLahey · 20/01/2018 17:42

If the teacher didn't mean you it's awful timing to say that and if course you're going to feel hurt, OP. Try to think no more of her and enjoy the rest of your weekend.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 20/01/2018 17:43

No,don’t keep it going. Move on.What’s gained from asking what did you mean?
Because the teacher will naturally defensively react at comment being overheard
Teacher won’t clutch hand to head and say,actually yes I’m a bad teacher,bad person,pls escalate this to the HT

Tistheseason17 · 20/01/2018 17:43

I would say-
"Its a bit embarrassing but I overheard you say xyz about me the other day. I was wondering what led to that? Is my DS not doing other things that I may not be aware of as I simply thought this was a one off and was a little hurt by your comments"

No need to complain. Simply have an adult conversation.

MsGameandWatching · 20/01/2018 17:43

Sorry that should have been supported without the un

Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 17:44

Cross posted Blue. Your response sounds completely fine.

But it doesn’t matter. The teacher didn’t mean you to hear. Why is her personal opinion of you so important?

People judge us all day long. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. It isn’t worth any worry or upset on your part.

Tistheseason17 · 20/01/2018 17:44

It's
I'm a little obsessive about apostrophes placement....

Alittleconcerned1980 · 20/01/2018 17:51

Enough with the homework debate!!

It has bugger all to do with homework.

The teacher referred to the OP as “hopeless” with reference to how the OP converses / answers questions / discusses issues. Bitty, stilted and all over the place.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/01/2018 17:51

bluepeony

I’m wondering if you sounded unbothered that DS hadn’t done his homework? Maybe she was hoping you’d sound surprised or annoyed and then reassured her you’d be ‘having words’ with DS about doing his homework (generally ‘doing his homework as a priority’ rather than just saying you’d get him to do ‘this’ homework). You might have come across as bit apathetic. So more of a ‘she’s hopeless’ at being firm with Joe, than really meaning you’re totally hopeless.

Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 17:54

MsGame I can absolutely see that in your situation, dealing with lots of different agencies etc it would be important but the OP hasn’t given any indication that’s the case hear.

Personally I want the teachers to think well of my D.C. but their personal opinion of me is irrelevant.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/01/2018 17:54

bluepeony

I’m wondering if you sounded unbothered that DS hadn’t done his homework? Maybe she was hoping you’d sound surprised or annoyed and then reassured her you’d be ‘having words’ with DS about doing his homework (generally ‘doing his homework as a priority’ rather than just saying you’d get him to do ‘this’ homework). You might have come across as bit apathetic. So more of a ‘she’s hopeless’ at being firm with Joe, than really meaning you’re totally hopeless.

Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 17:54

MsGame I can absolutely see that in your situation, dealing with lots of different agencies etc it would be important but the OP hasn’t given any indication that’s the case hear.

Personally I want the teachers to think well of my D.C. but their personal opinion of me is irrelevant.

Starlight2345 · 20/01/2018 17:54

I would also add I was in the staff room once at school with a friend There was a discussion about 2 children’s behaviour at lunchtime . It co incidentally was the same name as our boys . It wasn’t our children . My point is co incidents do happen .

I still don’t understand how you heard conversation if it was a phone call

Alittleconcerned1980 · 20/01/2018 17:54

Enough with the homework debate!!

It has bugger all to do with homework.

The teacher referred to the OP as “hopeless” with reference to how the OP converses / answers questions / discusses issues. Bitty, stilted and all over the place.

Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 17:56

hear Blush “here” obviously

CotswoldStrife · 20/01/2018 17:56

Do I make my daughter do homework she's missed due to being sick - yes I do, when she's better.

MsGameandWatching · 20/01/2018 17:59

Sorry thistle I didn't finish my post, then saw that I had a spelling mistake and then couldn't post again as MN went down. What I meant to say was, even without additional needs it's really not great to be described as "hopeless" amongst teaching staff is it? Are they really going to be taking you seriously if there is any kind of problem in the future if the general consensus is that you're hopeless? I would find it hard to let that stand unchallenged.