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Original poster

Teacher described me as hopeless

424 replies

Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 16:09

I got a phone call yesterday about some missing homework and I responded politely.

Anyway, we had said goodbye and I heard the teacher say to someone else ‘she is hopeless isn’t she, ‘

I get she didn’t mean me to hear but I’m still so angry ... should I say anything?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 17:32

I keep asking and no one has answered

What do people want to know that I’ve failed to address

See the fact no ones answered that makes me think maybe people are just being rude

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 20/01/2018 17:32

It's just bullying dressed up as thinly veiled banter.

Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 17:33

Blue

What other posters were looking for was a response that said “DS is usually a great student, great attendance and punctuality, never in trouble and this is the first ever time I’ve had a call about homework. I go to all the parents’ nights and we never forget forms or gym kit. I’ve no idea why she’d say I’m hopeless“ (amend as appropriate)

What the teacher was hoping for was “Mrs X, I’m appalled Joe didn’t hand in his homework. I’ll be having a serious conversation with him about the importance of homework this afternoon and make sure it never happens again. Thank you for taking the time to let me know. We’re very keen to support the school in any way we can”.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 20/01/2018 17:33

I would challenge her. I’d tell her that you’d overheard her say your name and say you were hopeless and ask if she would like to explain herself.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/01/2018 17:33

Oh dear!

Dermymc · 20/01/2018 17:34

Did you give a reason for him not handing in the homework?

Is it the first time he hasn't handed it in?

2 clear questions.

thecatfromjapan · 20/01/2018 17:34

I like gentle approaches.

I know I'm not like that all the time myself - and there are people on MN I should probably apologise to for various bits of behaviour over the years. But, despite my own inability to be perfect, I think it's generally a better approach than my friend's "pitch in and have a fight as a form of recreation" approach.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 17:34

I’m not sure that being appalled is really an appropriate reaction for one piece of forgotten homework, is it? Or are other parents honestly appalled/furious about this? I just thought it was a mistake, he forgot it.

OP posts:
ASauvignonADay · 20/01/2018 17:34

No one on MN is going to know why she thinks your hopeless. If you don't know why, I'd either park it or ask her. No one on MN has the answer.

It was unfortunate but I doubt meant with malice.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/01/2018 17:35

Poor OP, what a horrible thread. Sad. She's probably feeling a whole lot worse now.

I think the same as a pp. She's not your friend, a relative, anyone that you need to see in the future. Just put it behind you.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 17:35

No, I didn’t know what the reason was ... she told me he had said he had forgotten it.

As far as I know it is the first time.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/01/2018 17:36

I think it would be worth calling her and asking if this is the first time he has forgotten or just the first time they have called you. Which is what I said a few pages ago.

Appalled and furious would be ridiculous over reactions, but it may be that there is more going on, or rather not going on, with his homework than you are yet aware!

Dermymc · 20/01/2018 17:36

What did you say when she said he'd forgotten it/made a mistake?

diddl · 20/01/2018 17:36

"What the teacher was hoping for was “Mrs X, I’m appalled Joe didn’t hand in his homework. I’ll be having a serious conversation with him about the importance of homework this afternoon and make sure it never happens again. Thank you for taking the time to let me know. We’re very keen to support the school in any way we can”.

Blimey!

I'm definitely a hopeless parent then. You'd never be getting that from me re a first notification of missed homework.

CotswoldStrife · 20/01/2018 17:37

Certainly my DD has been told by teachers (not her current year in Primary) that if homework is missing and they don't have a note/reason that they will ring the parents. I don't know if they actually do, but if my own daughter hasn't done any homework for any reason - like this week, she was off sick - then I write a note and say she will do two pieces next week to catch up. And she will! Teacher said that was fine.

If you responded to the teacher as you have on here then I can see it may have been frustrating for the teacher. If they rang and said that Joe hasn't done his homework, they would have expected an apology and a reason IMO. If you just said 'oh (as if it was a surprise, did you know that he hadn't done it because they would expect you to keep an eye on it tbh) I'll make sure he does it' then the teacher probably wanted more detail! Your DS could be having trouble with an element of the homework (the subject matter itself, reading, writing) that they could help with.

So a bit more info on why the homework wasn't done would be useful to the teacher. In my note, I apologised, said DD hadn't done it because she'd been so ill and that she'd catch up next week - that fills in the gaps for the teachers while they wait for the homework to turn up AND it shows that I know/am keeping an eye on her work.

Your DS, like my DD, is heading towards SATs so they are super-keen to keep them on target work-wise. It may even have just been that, early SATs panic! But yes, I think most people would be hurt if they heard their child's teacher call them hopeless so I appreciate that it hurt. We all like to think we are on top of things all the time. Because my DD was off this week I was careful to pick up any letters she had missed. Pity I didn't think to pick up the spelling list she'll be tested on come Monday morning - that's not going to go well! We all stuff it up sometimes!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 20/01/2018 17:37

She’s not going to get a therapeutic response,because it’s isnt therapy
No one is actually interested in the conscious/unconscious or the power imbalance relationship
The only two this actually impacts on are op and the teacher.
And I’d advise op not to get over invested in an overheard comment

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 17:37

I said ‘I’m really sorry about that. I’ll make sure that he brings it in tomorrow.’

OP posts:
hesterton · 20/01/2018 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/01/2018 17:38

she told me he had said he had forgotten Ah ha!

So he said he had forgotten it and you said you'd make sure he does it tonight You dobbed him in Blue Grin

Christmascardqueen · 20/01/2018 17:38

OP maybe it would be helpful if you had and recommend for in the future put the missing piece in context. Joe’s been ill, my father is in palliative care and we visit nightly, we’ve been prepping for the 11+ and have attended 3 interviews this week.
Somehow listening and saying sorry we’ll do it tonight is a bit limp.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 20/01/2018 17:39

blue I'm pretty sure that teacher would have called me hopeless too Blush

I cannot get too enraged about a child not doing a piece of homework. I don't see it as my responsibility at that age. What else can you do but say you'll make sure it gets done. I don't see how that is hopeless at all!

I wouldn't complain, but i'd somehow let Ms Snarkybum know I'd overheard her. Let her squirm a little.

Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 17:39

It all depends on your personal attitude to school/homework etc Blue.

Personally I’d be completely mortified to receive a call from school about missing homework. I don’t think forgetting is acceptable.

But people have different views on these things. Lots of MNers wouldn’t think it was a big deal at all.

There’s no one “right” attitude. Smile

MsGameandWatching · 20/01/2018 17:39

As to be honest it has felt like worra has just been unpleasant for the hell of it. Maybe that’s not the case but that’s how it feels.

Yes, that happens quite often. Just ignore.

OP, I know I am not hopeless as a parent so I would have called her straight back to clarify what she said or I would have asked to meet with her to discuss my "hopelessness". I have two children with additional needs and I can't have professionals thinking and certainly not verbalising to others that my children are not properly unsupported or that I am ineffective. It creates problems with other professionals and getting support if no one is taking us seriously. I'm very surprised that so many on here can't see that.

Alittleconcerned1980 · 20/01/2018 17:40

OP
I’m going to hazard a gues on the basis of this thread.

The fact that she called you hopeless had NOTHING to do with your child and homework and everything to do with perhaps how you converse with people.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 17:40

I don’t think I did drop him in it! Do it tonight as in put it in his bag.

Do people really make ill children do double homework?

OP posts:
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