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AIBU?

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Original poster

Teacher described me as hopeless

424 replies

Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 16:09

I got a phone call yesterday about some missing homework and I responded politely.

Anyway, we had said goodbye and I heard the teacher say to someone else ‘she is hopeless isn’t she, ‘

I get she didn’t mean me to hear but I’m still so angry ... should I say anything?

OP posts:
NotReadyToMove · 20/01/2018 18:10

Personally I’d let it go and make sure that no member of staff ever had cause to term me “hopeless” in future.
In which way was the OP hopeless?? Because I dont think she was and if she wasn’t, what on earth is she suppose to not do then?

Tweetiepie1000 · 20/01/2018 18:10

Wow this thread is actually pretty horrible!

Some of the replies are bordering on bullying. It’s really horrible to read and like a competition on who can be blunter.

OP you really need to ask the teacher what she meant.
It also makes it known you heard what she said and maybe she will make sure she moans about people a little more discreetly next time.

NovemberWitch · 20/01/2018 18:11

In what world, NotReady? The world of continuous government interference, OFSTED and relentlessly needy parents that teachers and schools now function in.

ilovesooty · 20/01/2018 18:11

I think she should make sure she's put the phone down before saying something like that but what is "inappropriate" about that sort of comment within the staffroom?

RadioGaGoo · 20/01/2018 18:12

Thistlebelle. I'm sure she would be if she knew. As often in these situations, where known, both parties are left uncomfortable.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 18:12

It hurt my feelings ils

And it wasn’t justified.

Why is it OK to say something so rude about someone who has been nothing but pleasant and supportive of the school.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 20/01/2018 18:13

That is unacceptable, I would feel really bad.

ilovesooty · 20/01/2018 18:15

If people are frustrated at work they vent.
It only becomes inappropriate if it goes outside the staffroom.

NovemberWitch · 20/01/2018 18:15

Because people have opinions and air them with friends and colleagues and strangers on the net. It’s what humans do. Her mistake was not to secure privacy before giving her opinion. That was foolish.

roundaboutthetown · 20/01/2018 18:16

Bluepeony - if she was talking about you, I expect it's because she found your response frustrating and that you sounded a bit clueless. She won't have phoned up just to hear you say, "sorry, he'll hand it in tomorrow." She probably wanted to know whether he normally makes a fuss about doing his homework and has to be nagged, whether he found it difficult and didn't want to hand it in, whether he was ill, whether he had definitely done it but left it on the table at home by mistake, whether he normally gets on with it with minimal fuss and this is completely out of character so definitely a one-off that won't be repeated, etc. Just saying "sorry" is a bit lame and unhelpful, really, as it wasn't your homework to apologise for.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 18:16

I just don’t know how I’ve been frustrating, which in itself is frustrating me!

OP posts:
Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 18:17

NoReadyToMove I absolutely did not say that the OP was hopeless. I’m sure she’s not.

I meant that if I was in her situation I’d make sure there was absolutely not possible basis for it in future (make sure homework was always done, forms on time etc etc)

Blue you do sound really very upset about this. Flowers If it’s praying on your mind then maybe it is best to call the teachers for a quick chat to resolve your concerns. She’ll no doubt apologise if you heard correctly.

NovemberWitch · 20/01/2018 18:18

Frustrating that you are still not answering how disorganised the two of you have been this year. Grin

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 18:19

To my knowledge we haven’t been. She only started teaching them a couple of weeks before Christmas.

OP posts:
RoseWhiteTips · 20/01/2018 18:24

It obviously wasn’t intended to be heard so I don’t see how the teacher’s behaviour was unprofessional. Anyone could have made the same mistake. It happens.

Sorry you heard it though, OP. Hope the teacher is not reading this thread...

astoundedgoat · 20/01/2018 18:24

Some teachers - some people - do seem to expect high levels of interaction on non-events though, and she may well be that sort of person. You answered exactly as I would have. "I'm sorry - I'll fix it. Thank you for calling." End of conversation. She might have wanted a bit more self-flagellation etc. etc. and be annoyed not to have received it.

I would definitely contact the school - her, or her immediate superior, and explain - briefly, as seems to be your nature Wink - that you had this conversation, and that before hanging up, the teacher clearly referred to you as "hopeless", which you feel was deeply inappropriate and uncalled for.

HermionesRightHook · 20/01/2018 18:25

I've caught up.

OP, I think you've got a choice about how to react here.

  1. leave it be and continue to be a bit bewildered and hurt (I would be too).
  2. choose to brush it off because you know that you're not hopeless, and out it down to teacher having a bad day, mixing you up with another mum, etc.
  3. talk to the teacher about the comment but to it with an open heart and mind - ask her why she said it and what gave her that impression.

The latter one will either get you an apology and an explanation of her misjudgement, or a some really helpful feedback on why she thinks that, that you can mull over and see if it fits, helps you, or helps you understand her.

What I don't think will help is demanding an apology for hurt feelings or dropping a hint or anything I like that.

NotReadyToMove · 20/01/2018 18:25

I meant that if I was in her situation I’d make sure there was absolutely not possible basis for it in future (make sure homework was always done, forms on time etc etc)
Exceptbthat I think it’s dong the child a disservice to be on their backs like this to be sure they are doing their homework.
They really NEED to learn some indépendance at that age and being constantly behind them isn’t gojng to achieve that.

Which is why November I was saying that in my world teachers wouldnt be ringing parents for a missed homework. They would be in the back fo the child. They might ask them to do said homework at break time. But they wouldn't expect the parents to check carefully about every single piece of homework.
Besides, knowing quite te a few teachers, they really have a lot of other things rather than ringing parents tbh. Esp in a world of OFSTED etc....

restbiterepeat · 20/01/2018 18:26

Why would a school phone a parent about a single missing piece of homework? What a bonkers over-reaction. I dare say they may have heard stronger choice words as I put the phone down.

NotReadyToMove · 20/01/2018 18:26
  1. might also get the teachers annoyed that she has been, in effect, pulled on her not so acceptable comment....
astoundedgoat · 20/01/2018 18:27

I don’t see how the teacher’s behaviour was unprofessional

It was though. It's unprofessional to start bitching about a parent before you are sure that they can't hear. It's the sort of mistake I used to make in my first job as a receptionist at 18 (in fact, I made almost this exact mistake - asked a colleague on the phone if she wanted to take a call and as she was saying "Christ no - she's the LAST person I want to speak to!" I... put her through. I still haven't recovered from the horror and the job was not a success.).

roundaboutthetown · 20/01/2018 18:28

So, being new she wanted more information off you, I guess! What did you say to her besides, "sorry, he'll hand it in tomorrow'" which as already pointed out is unhelpful, as she didn't phone you in order to get you to apologise, she wanted helpful information? Obviously she was rude and unprofessional to say what she did, but your apparent response, whilst polite, does sound a bit frustrating, as the phonecall sounds like it was a bit of a waste of time from beginning to end!

NovemberWitch · 20/01/2018 18:29

Not, I’m a primary teacher. It’s changed beyond recognition since I started in the 80s. We do have better, more constructive ways to use our time. Sadly, we are not running the circus.

Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 18:32

NotReadyToMove it’s entirely possible to ensure that your children do all their homework without “being on their backs all the time”...

MigGril · 20/01/2018 18:32

I go with Hermiones suggestion of number 3. I'd also be concerned that they wrong me about homework. At our school they would only do this if there was a pattern forming. The kids get lunchtime detention if they forget and I'd only get a phone call if it was happening on a regular basis.

No she shouldn't have said it when you could hear it. I'm sure she'll be embraished that you hurded. But we are all human and all make mistakes.

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