AIBU ...to be annoyed with MIL's demands as a guest

[heardashot]

The ILs are staying. This morning MIL came in to interfere help with breakfast and declared that FIL would not eat grilled bacon, it had to be fried. All my bacon was under the grill. I had to fish some out and fry it.

Next, cups of tea. MIL makes tea by putting a teabag in milk (ewwwww) and then adding hot water. I must admit that I never do this unless she is stood over me and she has never complained, so I doubt she can even tell the difference. But if she spots me, she tells me how to make her tea.

I was brought up to say thank you if someone gives you a present or something to eat or drink, and never complain about it. If you are out and paying for food and there is something wrong, then have a word yes.

I get buying something that your guests like and you don't have in, FIL likes white bread for example so I got some, but aibu to think that when someone offers you a bacon sandwich or cup of tea, that beyond "no sugar thanks" it is rude for you instruct them how to prepare it? Is is really that difficult to eat a grilled bacon sandwich rather than a fried one?

(They have never ever in my presence complained about a cup of tea when we have been out somewhere.)

I think it's the fact that she came in under the guise of helping and then proceeded to tell the OP how to cook things the way she and her husband liked, things that required extra pans and faffing around. The tea bag thing is fine, I'd give her the kettle and tea bag and let her get on with it, demanding her husband's bacon be fried rather than grilled isn't.

Sounds fairly minor to me? Have often had guests tell me how or how not they like their tea, and I really don't see the problem with that. If that's the worst your MIL behaves, then I'd happily swop mine for yours!

My FIL is coeliac and I'm perfectly happy and capable of making everything we have gluten free. But my MIL won't allow him to eat the gravy or various other bits of a roast dinner just in case they have some flour in. Then she won't eat it either to 'keep him company'. She won't let him eat my fabulous chocolate roulade because it looks like cake, although there's absolutely no flour or wheat or anything else with gluten in it. It's a power thing. Poor fellow has to eat dry plain food at my house even though I'm a pretty good cook (trained and experienced and cooking's my hobby). She doesn't trust Aga cooking and would microwave every plate of food 'just to be on the safe side' if my DH would let her. Fortunately he overrules her bonkers ness and my FIL gets proper food.

And not only but also, she insists on sleeping in sleeping bags so it's no trouble with laundry after their stay. I love beautiful bed linen as it's important to me, but she goes all martyr and says she'll sleep in a grotty old sleeping bag. I might have stripped the bed and put a crappy old sheet down before I let them go to bed one night so their grubby smelly sleeping bags didn't contaminate my gorgeous White Company linen. They didn't insist again

Just not seeing the problem here but haven't read whole thread - is there a back story? Surely you ask your guests how they'd like their food and try to accommodate them? Some really arsey responses on here. Hope I'm never a guest at your house, or are these attitudes just reserved for in laws? Always despair when I read threads like these.

Its a bacon butty and a cup of tea! Mil was not demanding, she was just saying. FGS why is this an issue? Get your husband to deal with them in future, Oh sorry you had to buy a white loaf! How do ppl sleep at night hahaha!

It’s fucking depressing how uptight and inflexible people are on here.

Neighbours, in-laws, ‘cheeky fuckers’ everywhere (wish that phrase would die in a fire at this point).

Offence and self-righteousness is bloody oxygen to some people.

We have similar issues with a relative.

It's about control - in your kitchen she is letting you know she is the boss. We just ignore it. We've had a few tantrums - which are quite astounding in adults.

We suspect undiagnosed ASD as a possibility. She's always been like this.

It's important she realises she can't dictate to everyone else. Her partner is often supposed to be on special diets or allergic or intolerant/doesn't like something so needs specific food made. It's all rubbish and he's no idea what she's on about.

I put milk in first for cuppa. But always grill bacon. So I’m 50/50 with this. Please update and say who strangled who first. Your oh and dad sound like lads.

The real problem here is that

1. I’ve made myself late this morning by reading it
2. There is nothing I would like more now than a bacon sandwich

and therefore

1. YADBU OPfor starting this thread in the first place

I know what you mean! I once had to run around just as the shops were closing to find non dairy 'milk' as Dm had decided dad was allergic... she then decided that he wanted ice cream!!!

I’m going against the grain here..... but I just think in the grand scheme of things, is it really that big of a deal? She’s older than you and has been doing things a certain way for a long time. Perhaps it’s annoying to you, but is it worth getting aggravated over? Is it worth actually bringing up and risking an uncomfortable stay over some tea and bacon???

I know that my parents have their own little routines/ways of doing things that they’ll never change and to be quite honest I wouldn’t want them too. I find it endearing...... they’re just little quirks

But that’s just me!

Wow op why are you making such a big deal over this?!! Surely you should be happy they want to spend time with you and feel comfortable enough as a guest in your house to tell you how they like their breakfast doing. You sound like you could start a fight in an empty room and you are most definitely BU.

diana wow are you always so charming to your guests?

The tea thing is a (little) bit different from the bacon thing because it is at least normal to get to specify to some extent how you like your tea (even though putting the milk in first when using a teabag is clearly barbaric) when it comes to strength, milkiness and sugar. It's rude of her to hover over you in order to find fault though.

The bacon thing is just ridiculous though, and should not be pandered to, especially if there's no real indication from FIL himself that he's actually bothered.

Even for Mumsnet suggesting that someone might have ASD because they like their tea a particular way is stretching it!

Rude. Stick in their ways oldies.

“Rude. Stick in their ways oldies.”

Isn’t it rather the OP that’s stuck in her ways? What with her utterly refusing to make tea any way but her way?

Bigmummy has it spot on.

This is such a none issue. Only on MN would there be such a long discussion about such nonsense.

I never realised so many people regard immediate family as guests! My family come over they make themselves at home which is what I want even some of extended family. Honestly I can’t see what your Mil did wrong and I don’t see how you can compare your home to a cafe/Starbucks etc I’m particular about things which I’m comfortable to tell my family members but if I go out to eat I will not be particular about triangles or squares on my sandwich. Op it looks like you don’t particularly like your mil so little things annoy you look at the bigger picture let small things go life is too short 😀

Mummy fair enough if you see your family often and you are comfortable cooking for yourselves in each other's kitchens (as then you would obviously prep food to suit your own preferences). But in this instance the op was cooking for her mil who interfered half way through.

I never realised so many people regard immediate family as guests!

If you think that's wrong Mummy should I be putting MIL to work cleaning the gutters and sorting out the bins?

Bertrand you're quite right, they should be bringing along their own tea fixation in a flask.

“If you think that's wrong Mummy should I be putting MIL to work cleaning the gutters and sorting out the bins?“

Well, I would certainly expect family members to muck in in a way I would not expect from guests. A but tricky if you have locked them out of the kitchen,as a previous poster suggested......

I think that this thread's gone on too long that if you can't be even slightly flexible about the way you put a tea bag, boiling water and milk together you are probably not ready for guests.

Firstly. ..I'm from Liverpool originally!!! Having HP Sauce on bread as a sandwich is NOT a thing !!!! We are not heathens.

Live down south now and if you don't put the milk in first you'll get scum in the top of your team which not only looks vile...it tastes vile too!

If you'd fried my bacon and I had seen it...I'd say...I might just have toast ... I couldn't eat bacon out the house because fried bacon makes me grave and it gives me the shivers!

So yes despite it being free....even if was free cake or free booze or free anything ...if I don't like it....I'd just say no thank you.
My DH chose a biscuit the other day and pulled a face but continued to eat it.... I said ..why ?.... In his home, if he'd taken something then he had to eat it!!! I put it in the bin!!!!

Life is way too short!

PS my DD hates his sandwiches cut in triangles ...but I do it because he'll moan loudly .... and that makes me giggle !!!!