Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 ··· 16 17

Original poster

aibu to refuse swapping weekends with ex

422 replies

MagsRiff · 20/01/2018 06:23

How do you ladies approach this?
My ex has our DS8 every other weekend. He wants to swap a weekend round (So I end up with DS 3 weekends in a row then he takes him 2 in a row) because he wants to go on holiday with his GF. He says because of work commitments that's the only dates they can both go. Well IMO he has more important commitments (you know, being a father) and should either arrange a holiday around the eowe schedule or just accept he can't go. I don't think it's fair to ask me to accommodate a private holiday.
Any separated mum's out there been in the same scenario?

OP posts:

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 20/01/2018 11:22

Being flexible makes life easier

I have every holiday with ds his dad doesn’t but ds lives with me so my commitments to ds are different and I personally don’t want to go away without him but I don’t expect the same commitment from his dad as he doesn’t live with him

MyBoysAndI · 20/01/2018 11:22

I'm seperated and my stbxh only left 7 months ago for OW. I have swapped a few times for him as he had prior plans from when we were together.

So far this year (the whole 20 days of it!) he hasn't yet asked. I do have quite a few plans made already this year so l won't be as accommodating but if l can, then l will. If he starts refusing if l ask for favours though then all niceties will cease.

worridmum · 20/01/2018 11:24

all the OP would be doing is being spiteful and the court order is mostly against her, ie if he doesn't turn up nothing happens but if OP does not have children ready for contact she is in breach.

So her EX can happily go on holiday not bother with the swap but if he does not agree to be flexible ie there is a big social event for OP family and it happens to fall on his day legally the child HAS to be available for him to pick up on his weekend or you would be in breech of the court order.

SmartyPants0 · 20/01/2018 11:26

I think you're being unreasonable... pick your battle you never know when you may need to swap. For what it's worth MrSmartyPants would just cancel our children's weekend at the drop of a hat...

Jstorm77 · 20/01/2018 11:29

OP you've got years of shared parenting with your ex to come so pick your battles wisely.

My ex works away for 2 months at a time, our arrangement for the time he is back is that he has our twins 5 nights per week. However last week I went away on holiday with my partner and at the moment my ex is on holiday in Spain visiting his friend. We could have been really petty like you and stuck to our guns and not rearranged things to suit each other but then again we're not immature twats trying to score points against each other.

mumeeee · 20/01/2018 11:30

Another poster who says YABU. He hasn't just not turned up but has asked you beforehand to swap.

skippykips · 20/01/2018 11:32

You get DC for an extra weekend. This would actually make me happy! I certainly wouldn't be saying it is not fair.
I hate seeing my DD go to her dads. Even though she has a lovely time. I miss her deeply. So this request would be great!
Its once a year. Be flexible and enjoy your extra weekend!

bluesu · 20/01/2018 11:32

I wonder how many posters are actually separated

Errrrr if you read the thread you'll see the majority of posters are saying

"Me and my ex"
"My exDh does this..."
"My Dc Dad has custody..."

Jobjobjob · 20/01/2018 11:34

I don't think YABU at all OP and me and ex wrote into our plan that the other wasnt to be used for babysitting if the other wanted to do something personal. Schedule is the schedule.

A babysitting service, who bloody well babysits their own child!

Ridiculous attitude!

No I'm not separated but know what Kearny that are. The happiest children are the one if this parents that don't display this ridiculous behaviour!

I mean you get invited to a no chikdren wedding, you'd rather get a BABYSITTER than ask your child's other parent to just swop a weekend?? Really??

Enidthecat · 20/01/2018 11:35

Let's hope mummypig doesn't have to suddenly work, or get admitted to hospital then. Overnight babysitters are expensive.

Rinoachicken · 20/01/2018 11:35

I’m a separated parent.

I’ve swapped for him and he’s returned the favour when I’ve asked. It’s called being a grown up.

YABU

skippykips · 20/01/2018 11:36

Oh and just to add...my DDs dad has kidney failure. So DD is constantly not at her dads on the days scheduled due to his ill health. So once a year is really nothing.
My DD has seen her dad once since new years, instead of 2 nights a week. Although it is sad when she doesn't get to see him I enjoy that extra day with her.
So I do know how it feels to have my DD on the days she should be at her dads

LagunaBubbles · 20/01/2018 11:39

Yabu. And sounding like a martyr to "wouldn't dream of booking a holiday with partner if I had DS"...things crop up, things happen, you need to be flexible.

GrooovyLass · 20/01/2018 11:42

I feel very sorry for your children mummypig if you feel that swapping a week or a weekend is such a huge burden.

JacquesHammer · 20/01/2018 11:44

I don't think YABU at all OP and me and ex wrote into our plan that the other wasnt to be used for babysitting if the other wanted to do something personal. Schedule is the schedule

How utterly ridiculous. It isn't "babysitting" your own child.

Tough luck. He's putting a holiday with his new Partner over your arrangement. Would not be happening if it was me!

Is the OP allowed a holiday without her son?

I wonder how many posters are actually separated

I am think. And I'm not an unreasonable, bitter person bent only on their own supposed rules rather than co-parenting effectively. Just in case it adds credence to my opinion, ex-H has remarried, I haven't. I still think they're perfectly entitled to want time away together

ConcreteUnderpants · 20/01/2018 11:49

*I don't think YABU at all OP and me and ex wrote into our plan that the other wasnt to be used for babysitting if the other wanted to do something personal. Schedule is the schedule.

Tough luck. He's putting a holiday with his new Partner over your arrangement. Would not be happening if it was me!*

Wow. Just wow.
Life happens. Things come up. I trust you never ever get ill, have an emergency arise, have a wedding to go to, etc. and need to swap a weekend.

Being flexible and accommodating the other parent is an important part of shared parenting. It all helps you get along, which can only be good for the kids.

Oh and yes, I am separated. I try to maintain a good relationship with my dick of an ex for the benefit of my DD. If that includes bending the schedule a bit, then so be it.

Lizzie48 · 20/01/2018 11:49

I don't think YABU at all OP and me and ex wrote into our plan that the other wasnt to be used for babysitting if the other wanted to do something personal. Schedule is the schedule

Ridiculous. It's not called babysitting when it's your DCs, it's called parenting.

Maybe83 · 20/01/2018 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RampantRegina · 20/01/2018 11:51

OP - the overwhelming response on here is yes, you are being very, very unreasonable, and not acting in a way that is in your child’s best interests.

Further, I think we have put to bed the notion that a Court will force or punish your ex for not having your son that weekend in order to take a holiday.

Can you just accept that YABU and swap the weekend? Or are you honestly going to dig your heels in? Because he will in all probability go on holiday anyway, and only your son misses out in not seeing his Dad for three weekends if you don’t give him one in lieu?

gamerwidow · 20/01/2018 11:53

You and your ExP are in this for the long haul a little bit of give and take now makes sense because over the long years you are going to need a favour too. it helps no one to be so rigid in an arrangement that normally works well.

kaytee87 · 20/01/2018 11:53

Does this mean that he won't see his child for over 3 weeks though? That might bother me because the child could be upset, but it's not something you've raised as far as I can see so either he's seeing the child during the week or you don't think child either would be upset to not see him.

On balance I think yabu, you haven't given any reasons that you can't swap. It seems spiteful.

Snowysky20009 · 20/01/2018 11:55

I would say no problem and swop.

Me and exdp always swopped things around I'd needed, whether it was holidays, or if for example he wanted to take ds to something that was happening on my weekend, or ds friends had asked him to do something so he needed to be with that parent etc. It worked really well for us.

Remember, you never know when you may need to swop for something.

Badhairday1001 · 20/01/2018 11:57

I have and would again swap weekends with my ex. If I don't have plans I am happy to be flexible and so is he. It makes things much easier because sometimes things come up and it's good to be able to be flexible.

whiteroseredrose · 20/01/2018 11:57

Another YABU. My parents split when I was 4 but kept their relationship amicable for my sake. And I'm very grateful for that. It wouldn't have worked if they'd been so rigid.

Wilburissomepig · 20/01/2018 12:02

YABVU. Wouldn't you be pleased to have your son 3 weekends in a row? Why is that so bad?

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 ··· 16 17