aibu to refuse swapping weekends with ex

[MagsRiff]

How do you ladies approach this?
My ex has our DS8 every other weekend. He wants to swap a weekend round (So I end up with DS 3 weekends in a row then he takes him 2 in a row) because he wants to go on holiday with his GF. He says because of work commitments that's the only dates they can both go. Well IMO he has more important commitments (you know, being a father) and should either arrange a holiday around the eowe schedule or just accept he can't go. I don't think it's fair to ask me to accommodate a private holiday.
Any separated mum's out there been in the same scenario?

FredaNerkk - so you can word a court order so that he's in breach if he doesn't show up?

FredaNerkk - so you can word a court order so that he's in breach if he doesn't show up?

MagsRiff this just shows you seem intent on ignoring practically every single person who's commented.

Why bother asking if you're just going to ignore everyone? Even if what Freda says is true, it's obviously not the case for your particular court order so it doesn't help and also doesn't change the fact YABVU!

It's one weekend in what, 26? that's really not a lot for him to want to go away with his DP especially given he's willing to swop and not just skip.

I feel sorry for your ex and your Ds. Your ex is allowed a life outside of being a father, in the same way that you’re allowed a life outside of being a mother.

You’re being very unreasonable.

We don't have a court order in place yet

Op . I assumed you weren’t reading . What do you think that all but a couple think you are b u?

We don't have a court order in place yet

What do you think a court is going to do if you get one and he doesn't turn up one week, having given you many weeks of notice that he was unavailable?

If I have given him notice that I didn't approve the swapping of weekends just for a holiday then how would it mean anything?

I think it must be jealousy towards his gf tbh. My dp's ex is a pain in the ass and won't be flexible on anything at all. After 18 months of being together we come to the decision that we would try and swap weekends so our children could form a more solid relationship (they had seen each other during school holidays and after testing the waters slowly for 18 months of this everyone wanted the weekends together.) His ex on the other hand outright refused to swap weekends for no other reason than to spite my dp for daring to move on be happy. My dp said if she swapped it would be done in whatever way suited her the best. But nope, nothing. On the other hand if she wants a favour from my dp he is always accommodating because basically he's not a cunt and does what's good for his dc.

We did swap with my ex in the end but due to his work it was a lot more complicated but he was very accommodating considering.

Parents are allowed to move on and have a life too.

Ffs you aren’t listening to anyone you are just trying to find how you can get your own way . Next you will be threatening to withhold contact . People like you make it difficult for parents have real difficulties

Ultimately OP your inflexibility and hostility towards your ex is only going to harm your son. It's horrible to see you using him like this to punish your ex.

Why are you not listening to anyone?

Wow op you really are a controlling and abusive. I hope the courts see straight though you and your child and ex don't have to deal with your crap any more.

YABU. Me and my ex do this all the time, both for personal reasons and to help include our son in events at either home that fall on the ‘wrong’ weekend. It sounds like you want to punish your ex by not making it easy for him to have alone time with his new partner. I don’t know your story but there’s probably a good reason why you are bitter. However - life’s too short and maintaining a warm relationship for the sake of your child will reap handsome rewards for all of you.

Oh and I’ve been a single parent with no support around me in the past. It didn’t make me a dick though. The early days were tough and i admit I was inclined to inflexibility but you quickly realise what’s best for everyone, especially the children, is amicable coparenting. The court won’t look at it without you going through mediation first btw. Good luck with that.

so you can word a court order so that he's in breach if he doesn't show up?

Jeez, you're hard work OP. Stop trying to punish your ex and think what's best for the child

My dp's ex got around mediation by going alone and spouting a load of nonsense to which the mediator signed the box saying "Attended mediation and it is deemed not appropriate" or some such bollocks. Oddly though my dp also went to mediation and his mediator invited his ex to attend the second session to which she declined.

She could then go to the court with a "attended mediation" form. It was very odd though why my dp's mediator thought mediation was appropriate but hers didn't.

This is not something that comes easily for me to say, op, but your updates prove that you are only doing this to be a spiteful bitch. Start thinking about your child rather than how you can make your ex's life difficult.

fgs grow up for your childs sake

You sound foul.

I just want to make sure he can't just 'not turn up' regardless of me disagreeing. That's for my child's sake.

Op you are so bitter it's untrue! As previous PP said you're foul!

You've ignored 99.9% of the responses! Why ask?

That's for my child's sake.

No, it’s for yours.

Well all I can say is I hope the court is more woman and child friendly than most of you!!!

You could always leg it to Spain for the weekend and leave your child at the baggage drop, in the hope he may or may not turn up. If he does, well & good. If he doesn't, you'll have proved some spiteful intent we can't quite seem to fathom on here.
This is for no good reason whatsoever, than to spite your ex. It is so terribly sad for any child caught up in a situation like this.

Child friendly??