MIL wearing white

[2016mumma]

Hi all,
So I don't drip feed but too long to write it all down...so slight overview incase it's relevant.
My MIL and I always got on brilliantly until my DS was born a year ago, since then she has been opinionated on every decision we make as his parents and if we ask her not to do something she will infront of us go against our wishes, with the excuse of it's what Grandmas do. That's a whole different thread.
We get married in September and yesterday MIL announced she was wearing a off white dress for the occasion. AIBU to be a little hurt by this I believed the etiquette of weddings was only the bride wears white?
I am trying really hard not to take it personally and as a fingers up to me ( although this is something she would do) she always wants to be the centre of attention and will play the victim if ever we try to discuss the way she is with DS.
If I am being reasonable in that it's not the done thing to do, do we say something or keep our mouths shut for the sake of keeping the peace.

Agree with those saying to say nothing. Everyone will see her for the nightmare she is and have nothing by sympathy for you. She wants you to be the bad guy, don’t play her game. But 8 would brief the photographer to say “oh, can’t have two white dresses so close together” and move her to the back/off to one side.

And you and your DP need to assert yourself with your son. If she takes him off, follow her and bring him back. It’s fine for grandparents to spoil their grandchildren, but sweets and chocolate are for after lunch, or at a time when it won’t ruin their appetite.

Sil and my auntie turned up in white. Couldn't have given a rat's arse to be honest. Sil and I aren't bosom buddies but equally, she didn't do it to upstage me. My Auntie is a crazy loony, wears robes and walking around with long staffs. She is on another planet so there was no surprise when she said she'd be wearing white at the wedding.

I think, if it is affecting you, ask DP to have a chat with his Mum. If you couldn't really care less, let it go.

Lweji they would have enjoyed them at Indiana Jones’ wedding though!

Tell her it's an excellent idea and has inspired you to have a black and white themed wedding to get all the guests to wear black and white, then you will stand out wearing your red/fuschia/mustard/colour to direct mil towards wedding dress.

Or just tell her that she's at least the fourth or fifth person who has said they are planning on wearing a white dress and won't it be funny, you will have to have a funny photo of you with them all and to come up with a funny name like old maids of honour or your granny groupies - because isn't it funny how those planning on wearing white tend to be older, and isn't it funny how younger people wouldn't dream of wearing white to a wedding but older people think it's fine, so that's ok as you're obviously an older person so nobody is going to think you are trying to be rude...

She sounds like the sort of person that won't want to be thought of as old!!

Have the invitations gone out yet? If not you could ask all the guests to wear - say, shades of blue or some other colour request. Then she’s going to be forced to comply or look very out of place.

Sleep free

So instead of the MIL looking like a loon, you would piss off the entire guest list with a colour theme?

There is and always has been only one solution to this: rogue bridesmaid, red wine.

(I'm also a fan of a colleague's suggestion: drop into conversation 'don't worry about your hair, you can hardly tell, I don't think anyone's noticed' then leaving without explanation)

I’d actually quite like a guest colour scheme but maybe I’m just weird. Wouldn’t miss me off at all.

*piss

On a plus point, at least she isn't intending to wear black "as a sign of mourning", as I heard the mother of the groom did at another wedding once.

Although its considered bad etiquette to wear white or black, I think a classy black dress would look much less out of place than a MIL in white.

Let her do it. I don't buy all these "ooh it could be a lovely cream Mother of the groom outfit and she'll look really nice and not at all bridey".

She'll look ridiculous and it will only be her that suffers from it. We went to our friends wedding and her sis ( not so D as it turns out) wore a skin tight white lace dress and a stupid hat. She looked like an unhinged fool.

If you really want to do something, get DP to speak to her, but ultimately if she doesn't get a reaction from you - I'd practice a few expressions like " Well if you're happy then great", "Ok whatever you want" , then she may well choose to wear something more suitable.

Just to clarify, at the wedding, she went around explaining to everyone that she had worn it "as a sign of mourning". No one quite knew how to respond.

The bride and groom were both absolutely lovely and normal people.

No one will care unless it’s a big white floaty dress! Try not to worry!!

why Not try a little reverse physiology, thank her for wearing white as you’re going to ask all your guests to wear white ad your dress is going to be a pale blue (pick a colour), dobwhen the photos are then you’ll stand out. Pound to a penny she’ll changer her outfit colour to match yours. If she’s seen your dress tell her you’re having it professionally dyed to said colour

SunshineHQ I read on here someone saying their MIL wore black and sobbed and wailed loudly throughout the whole ceremony (just like a funeral)....

OP I think the white dress issue is a red herring. Personally I'd just let her crack on and make a fool out of herself. Don't react to these people it's what they want.

However, im truly serious about reading those books and website I mentioned.... go into this marriage with your eyes open and you and DH on the same page

Actually that gives me another idea for commetns BlondeB83.

If she mentions the white dress again, you could innocently say "And will it have a veil and a train as well MIL?"

A guest came to my wedding in a white dress, I didn't really care. Let her wear It, she'll make herself look daft

It does need to be sorted because it’s making the OP unhappy.

It needs to be sorted out within the OP's head. She needs to make peace with the fact that MIL is a bit of knob. Not escalate it into a massive drama that will reverberate for 20 years.

It really doesn't matter if MIL wears a white dress to the wedding, it's a bit of a faux pas on her part, but she won't divert attention from the bride.

It needs to be sorted out within the OP's head. She needs to make peace with the fact that MIL is a bit of knob. Not escalate it into a massive drama that will reverberate for 20 years.

If it were a one off event I would definitely agree with you. People become a little crazy around weddings and everyone can get intense and stressed out over tiny non issues that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

From the other things that OP has said though I fear this is a pattern of narcissistic behaviour from the MIL that will always be an issue

As well as wearing a cream suit to my wedding, my MIL also wore a white trouser suit to her son's civil partnership. I'm claiming form .

I would tell you mil that she is being unreasonable it is your day! I would have said something if my mil had said she was wearing white!! Stand up for yourself!!! Its your day enjoy it its the next best thing to having kids remember and enjoy every second of it its wonderful 🎊🎉🎁🎈 congrats to you and your dh.

definitely make sure there is a very drippy fishy sauce with the starter, another sauce or gravy with the meal and a pudding with a raspberry coulis

or try telling her you are now thinking of a black and white theme and thank her for giving you the idea :-) that way you can pick a more colourful gown for yourself so you will stand out against the monochrome of the guests outfits!

Age old answer: 'clumsy' bridesmaid and a glass of red wine

To be honest she's going to look a dick. It's up to you whether you feel like enlightening her.

I didn't care what either Mum's wore. I just wanted them to be comfortable and confident in their outfits. That said I think I'd have had an issue with a visible bush! Haha! My SIL actually had an issue with her mother's outfit at my wedding. I couldn't care less though appreciated her attempt at an intervention! Could one of her other sons or family member on 'their side' speak out and save her the shame.

To be honest she's going to look a dick. It's up to you whether you feel like enlightening her.

I didn't care what either Mum's wore. I just wanted them to be comfortable and confident in their outfits. That said I think I'd have had an issue with a visible bush! Haha! My SIL actually had an issue with her mother's outfit at my wedding. I couldn't care less though appreciated her attempt at an intervention! Could one of her other sons or family member on 'their side' speak out and save her the shame.

I had similar issue.. But from fil. Married in Dominican Republic, I was in white only guests were both sets of parents. Both mothers wore navy or black, ex hubby and dad wore black tuxedo's... Turns out fil forgot to pack his black one and wore a white one.. Wedding pics looked ridiculous... He was my nemesis throughout the marriage.