Please bring me down!

[juddyrockingcloggs]

So, this will be a long one, sorry.

I suppose I'm chuntering on here because I don't want to say all this to my husband because it will get his hopes up too and I don't want to do that to him.

I need some advise to bring me back down to Earth a bit.

I have one son (6 years old) who is the result of 6 rounds of ICSI and immune treatment (clexane, high dose folic, prednisolone steroids) Our infertility issues are as follows - my husband had undescended testicles as a baby and the operation to correct this wasn't performed until he 3 years old, he has an EXTREMELY low sperm count with EXTREMELY low motility and our fertility consultant advised us that because his operation was performed so late this is the reason for his sperm count being so poor. Secondly I have MTHFR homozygous gene mutation, elevated ANAs and also a slight issue with my blood coagulation (sticky blood), I have no other issues with my fertility ie ovulation etc.

Me and my husband have never got pregnant naturally in the 18 years that we have been together.

After having our much longed for son and paying over £50k to get him we have just in the last few years got our head around the fact that we will not be giving him a sibling. We have taken him to some amazing places around the world and materialistically and attention wise etc he is a very lucky boy. He is our world.

For the last 2 years I have been on co-cymprindiol (dianette) for adult acne, about 4 months ago I came off that because I would have needed to by the time I was 35 (October) anyway.

So, I had a period in October as was normal, and at the end of November I had a strange day or two where I had brown bleeding very light and then that's it. Nothing since.

Now, as is always at the back of someone's mind when you would love another baby but knew you would never achieve it I have got 'the feels'.

What I would like to know is before I rush out to buy 80 grands worth of first response tests and building my fucking hopes up all over again for the first time in years, I would like to know if anyone has had first hand success with getting pregnant naturally with such poor fertility? Or do I just slap myself round the face and ignore it.

AIBU to even think that yes miracles could happen and risk sending me down a road that I have travelled so many times with no success. Only to end up heartbroken again.

Just to avoid drip-feeding when I say that my husband has an extremely low sperm count we're not talking low millions or even high thousands, we're talking five or six per sample.

Do I test and risk being destroyed again (because as stupid as it is I'm already visualising an happy ending) or I do just forget it all, wonder where the fuck my period has gone and continue on my merry way.

Sorry for boring you all.

Juddy I am so sorry to read your update.
I know only too well what it feels like.
We struggled with unexplained secondary infertility and no-one could shed any light on why it just would not happen second time round for us.

For 5+ years we tried everything - IUI x 3, 1 unsuccessful IVF and 1 failed IVF attempt. I hit rock bottom at that point and decided enough was enough and we needed to concentrate on what we already were fortunate enough to have - a healthy child.

9 years after our first child was born I had manged to park it, the longing didn't consume my every moment like it used to. Life had some sheen again. We travelled a LOT and told ourselves how lucky we were to have what we have.

I totally and utterly unexpectedly fell pregnant again, It was such a shock and all the old feelings came flooding back in the blink of an eye. Sadly I lost that baby at 12 weeks. That was my lowest point. I couldn't understand why it had ever happened. we were devestated.

Life can be very cruel at times.

Hug your boy, kiss your dh and have a cry. It will get easier. The hope is the killer!

So sorry OP.

I've not been down the ivf route etc but with my ex husband we had been for tests etc and I was told it was because I wasn't ovulating I couldn't get pregnant. That was after 6 years and I was 28.

Got with DP at 29 and we weren't trying as such. I'd explained my history and said I'm not on anything as it won't happen. He moved in on 8th February 2016 and I was on my period. We'd been away for a weekend before that and I'd been hoping as I was a few days late but it appeared.

So I told him I was going on the pill as I couldn't go through all the hoping etc again. I'd rather just take the option away.

Well on 14th March 2016 i got that positive test. She's now 14 months old and covered in food.