Please bring me down!

[juddyrockingcloggs]

So, this will be a long one, sorry.

I suppose I'm chuntering on here because I don't want to say all this to my husband because it will get his hopes up too and I don't want to do that to him.

I need some advise to bring me back down to Earth a bit.

I have one son (6 years old) who is the result of 6 rounds of ICSI and immune treatment (clexane, high dose folic, prednisolone steroids) Our infertility issues are as follows - my husband had undescended testicles as a baby and the operation to correct this wasn't performed until he 3 years old, he has an EXTREMELY low sperm count with EXTREMELY low motility and our fertility consultant advised us that because his operation was performed so late this is the reason for his sperm count being so poor. Secondly I have MTHFR homozygous gene mutation, elevated ANAs and also a slight issue with my blood coagulation (sticky blood), I have no other issues with my fertility ie ovulation etc.

Me and my husband have never got pregnant naturally in the 18 years that we have been together.

After having our much longed for son and paying over £50k to get him we have just in the last few years got our head around the fact that we will not be giving him a sibling. We have taken him to some amazing places around the world and materialistically and attention wise etc he is a very lucky boy. He is our world.

For the last 2 years I have been on co-cymprindiol (dianette) for adult acne, about 4 months ago I came off that because I would have needed to by the time I was 35 (October) anyway.

So, I had a period in October as was normal, and at the end of November I had a strange day or two where I had brown bleeding very light and then that's it. Nothing since.

Now, as is always at the back of someone's mind when you would love another baby but knew you would never achieve it I have got 'the feels'.

What I would like to know is before I rush out to buy 80 grands worth of first response tests and building my fucking hopes up all over again for the first time in years, I would like to know if anyone has had first hand success with getting pregnant naturally with such poor fertility? Or do I just slap myself round the face and ignore it.

AIBU to even think that yes miracles could happen and risk sending me down a road that I have travelled so many times with no success. Only to end up heartbroken again.

Just to avoid drip-feeding when I say that my husband has an extremely low sperm count we're not talking low millions or even high thousands, we're talking five or six per sample.

Do I test and risk being destroyed again (because as stupid as it is I'm already visualising an happy ending) or I do just forget it all, wonder where the fuck my period has gone and continue on my merry way.

Sorry for boring you all.

I’m sorry OP. I know that feeling of daring to allow yourself a little bit of hope too well. I’m lucky to have DD (almost 4) and DS (9 months) courtesy of NHS fertility treatment. The years spent trying to conceive naturally and negative test after negative test are soul destroying, but still we always have that little glimmer of hope that “this time will be different”.

Hugs for you. Be kind to yourself. I’d seriously consider talking to your DH, just for the extra support.

I know that feeling of daring to allow yourself a little bit of hope too well.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of posters were encouraging false hope, too.

Ah I'm sorry OP. Hope you have a lovely evening with your little boy ❤️

Sending you a hug xx

*Today 15:36MadMags

I know that feeling of daring to allow yourself a little bit of hope too well.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of posters were encouraging false hope, too.*
You know, I really wanted people to stop sharing miracle baby stories. There are times when it is simply is not appropriate.

I have a friend who cannot have children and has had several failed IVF attempts.

She had a coil fitted to take control of her fertility as she kept having experiences like this which were emotionally draining and heartbreakingly disappointing.

Tbf I think there were more posters saying sadly it was unlikely. I understand sort of why people might share their "miracle" story but I don't think think it's very helpful in the OP's circumstance.

My husband and I had similar problems. He was told in the February that he would never be able to father a child naturally, and to consider alternatives such as donor or adoption. My son was born in December, so he did become a dad. It can happen. My son is now a 22 year old young man. Since then, he has been joined by his sister (adopted) and both are smashing kids (young adults). Hubby and I consider ourselves very fortunate.

Hope you get the result you would like. Good luck.

Im sorry OP

It might not be very helpful but it takes about 6 months to "get back to normal" after birth control (according to my doctor).
Try not to beat yourself up about being sad about this. Infertility is no joy to go through. Most people don't walk away happy in a situation like this. Get some extra cuddles with the boy and the hubby tonight if you can.

13yrs here OP. Then just one day... it was positive, totally natural, no interventions. He's now 7m old and his head is under my armpit in bed as I type this.

OP I'm just place marking. Xx
You're resilience is admirable

I wish I could give you a cuddle OP, I’m really sorry.
Give your DS the biggest squeeze, nothing beats a cuddle for mummy from your DS 💙

Sorry it wasn’t the happy outcome but glad you know and got it over and done with (after weeks of hopefully POAS I’m fed up of the bloody things!!) big ((hugs))

I'm sorry to hear that OP.

I'm actually going to get the coil as soon as I can because the headfuckery that is a legacy from the TTC years gets me every month.

Oh I’m sorry it wasn’t the result you wanted

Wish I'd done the same having spent 10 years actively ttc and many more after that hoping for the miracle everyone told me could happen. My periods got irregular after I turned 40, the number of times I went hopefully o the chemist .....

So sorry OP Hope u have a wonderful evening with your little boy xx

Oh my goodness I missed the part that you had tested. I'm so sorry OP.

Sorry OP. Just caught up with your thread fully. Sorry that your hopes were dashed. Enjoy the cuddles with your precious little lad.

This is so sad. I am so sorry OP, but you did the right thing testing. Take care of yourself and have lots of cuddles tonight, with your husband as well as your son.

I'm sorry op. Take café. Sound like a Good plan for tonight.

Having a little cry reading this I'm so sorry op! You sound like a wonderful person and I bet your little boy adores you, he's a little miracle right there, hold him close. Sending love and hugs

So sorry op. I had everything crossed for you. You sound like a lovely person, your little boy is very lucky to have you as his mum.

I'm so sorry it wasn't the outcome you wanted and after a PP comment, I apologise if my saying it is possible caused you greater upset. I'm sure it didn't as you seem the type to not let strangers get to you, but if it did, I am sorry.

Enjoy your boy tonight.