Please bring me down!

[juddyrockingcloggs]

So, this will be a long one, sorry.

I suppose I'm chuntering on here because I don't want to say all this to my husband because it will get his hopes up too and I don't want to do that to him.

I need some advise to bring me back down to Earth a bit.

I have one son (6 years old) who is the result of 6 rounds of ICSI and immune treatment (clexane, high dose folic, prednisolone steroids) Our infertility issues are as follows - my husband had undescended testicles as a baby and the operation to correct this wasn't performed until he 3 years old, he has an EXTREMELY low sperm count with EXTREMELY low motility and our fertility consultant advised us that because his operation was performed so late this is the reason for his sperm count being so poor. Secondly I have MTHFR homozygous gene mutation, elevated ANAs and also a slight issue with my blood coagulation (sticky blood), I have no other issues with my fertility ie ovulation etc.

Me and my husband have never got pregnant naturally in the 18 years that we have been together.

After having our much longed for son and paying over £50k to get him we have just in the last few years got our head around the fact that we will not be giving him a sibling. We have taken him to some amazing places around the world and materialistically and attention wise etc he is a very lucky boy. He is our world.

For the last 2 years I have been on co-cymprindiol (dianette) for adult acne, about 4 months ago I came off that because I would have needed to by the time I was 35 (October) anyway.

So, I had a period in October as was normal, and at the end of November I had a strange day or two where I had brown bleeding very light and then that's it. Nothing since.

Now, as is always at the back of someone's mind when you would love another baby but knew you would never achieve it I have got 'the feels'.

What I would like to know is before I rush out to buy 80 grands worth of first response tests and building my fucking hopes up all over again for the first time in years, I would like to know if anyone has had first hand success with getting pregnant naturally with such poor fertility? Or do I just slap myself round the face and ignore it.

AIBU to even think that yes miracles could happen and risk sending me down a road that I have travelled so many times with no success. Only to end up heartbroken again.

Just to avoid drip-feeding when I say that my husband has an extremely low sperm count we're not talking low millions or even high thousands, we're talking five or six per sample.

Do I test and risk being destroyed again (because as stupid as it is I'm already visualising an happy ending) or I do just forget it all, wonder where the fuck my period has gone and continue on my merry way.

Sorry for boring you all.

Good luck Op, infertility really is shitty.

For some reason I have been lured out of retirement by this post. It just struck a chord.

It's a bastard isn't it? No matter what the facts are, what you have been through, even how much money you have paid, the hope always tries to get you.

Only you can decide, but all the best .

I have my fingers crossed for you. Not sure it is helpful but I do know someone who needed repeated rounds of IVF to conceive her first and more rounds that failed and so didn't get their longed for second.
That is until she approached menopause and conceived naturally so packed her first off to university just before starting the baby years again with her long awaited sibling.

Oh God, I'm not trying to be the thread police but I'm not sure people should be posting about how it's possible!

Technically yes, but I'd hate you OP to get talked into feeling a bit excited.

I think doing the test just so you're not in this awful limbo is a very good idea.

Then later, cuddle your precious child

Oh OP I hope it's the news you want

I Have always found that my periods are all haywire after changing pill / coming off the pill so it could be that

But fingers crossed

Like you, Id need to do the test just to know for sure. Whatever the result, the lovely people of Mumsnet will be here to celebrate with you or to hold your hand

Mags Oh God, I'm not trying to be the thread police but I'm not sure people should be posting about how it's possible!

Quite.

OP, sorry but you're not pregnant.

We know that really.

You know that really.

You know what the test will say, but get it over with and we'll commiserate with you afterwards.

Id definitely test. I so hope it goes well.

I feel and understand your pain (cd1 here for me) and is absolutely love a happy ending for you 💐

From what you've said, it would highly unlikely that you are pregnant. Having said that, miracle babies do happen and it only takes one determined sperm to fertilise an egg. I think you need an answer because although a negative would be extremely disappointing (an understatement, I realise), you will drive yourself crazy and start to possibly imagine every symptom going. All the best

I hope you get the result you want op. I have a friend who for many reasons couldn't get pregnant naturally. She has a 4 year old and 2 year old through ivf and was told she wouldn't be able to carry any more so she couldn't try ivf a third time. She is currently 7 months pregnant with completely surprise naturally conceived number 3. Miracles do happen!!

We will all be with you to hold your hand no matter what the outcome is. At least one way or another you will know once you have tested. Good luck.

Miracles do happen to some people that needed IVF for their first. However fertility wise we are in a similar position to you (our DS is almost 1), and I think realistically it is unlikely we will ever be one of those stories. Good luck though

Oh juddy. I would probably wait a bit to test but I really can't say I know how you feel. I am so sorry for all you've been through and are going through, and your boy sounds like the luckiest little person in the world

Just try and think of how happy you are now, if you are pregnant it will be a bonus, but if not you are happy anyway.

I know it's horrible, but in the likely event that it's bad news, the quicker you know, the quicker you can start to move forward again. I get that it's so tempting to cling on to hope for as long as possible. I really do.

Wishing you the chance n a million kind of luck though.

We'll all be here for you if it's disappointing news op

Love just sending you flowers. It has dawned upon me that ds1, will also only be my only child and that makes me very sad. Obviously there are benefits to only having one but I am feeling down and disappointed about it at the moment

OP I really hope it's the news you want.

Sending hugs, hope and x

Good luck op. Sorry you are having your head messed around again.

I'm nearly 45 and have a long history of infertility but if my period is late, I open my secret drawer of pregnancy tests and semi-hopefully pee on a stick. I don't even really want another baby, I just spent so many years trying and failing that it has become a sort of conditioned response. I feel angry with myself for being disappointed but I can't totally stop myself.
I did have a surprise pregnancy with number 5 (I had a huge shock and I think that caused me to ovulate when I don't normally at all). But I know that my age and medical history means that I've seen my last positive test.
When I test now, I tell myself that I'm just doing it because Sod's Law says that as soon as I do, my period will start. Try to think of it as something you need to get past so you can carry on as before. You are probably not pregnant, but you do need to know either way because there are things you need to do if by some chance you are.
I really feel for you, it is really hard and you would be totally abnormal if you didn't hope.

Fingers crossed for you!