Please bring me down!

[juddyrockingcloggs]

So, this will be a long one, sorry.

I suppose I'm chuntering on here because I don't want to say all this to my husband because it will get his hopes up too and I don't want to do that to him.

I need some advise to bring me back down to Earth a bit.

I have one son (6 years old) who is the result of 6 rounds of ICSI and immune treatment (clexane, high dose folic, prednisolone steroids) Our infertility issues are as follows - my husband had undescended testicles as a baby and the operation to correct this wasn't performed until he 3 years old, he has an EXTREMELY low sperm count with EXTREMELY low motility and our fertility consultant advised us that because his operation was performed so late this is the reason for his sperm count being so poor. Secondly I have MTHFR homozygous gene mutation, elevated ANAs and also a slight issue with my blood coagulation (sticky blood), I have no other issues with my fertility ie ovulation etc.

Me and my husband have never got pregnant naturally in the 18 years that we have been together.

After having our much longed for son and paying over £50k to get him we have just in the last few years got our head around the fact that we will not be giving him a sibling. We have taken him to some amazing places around the world and materialistically and attention wise etc he is a very lucky boy. He is our world.

For the last 2 years I have been on co-cymprindiol (dianette) for adult acne, about 4 months ago I came off that because I would have needed to by the time I was 35 (October) anyway.

So, I had a period in October as was normal, and at the end of November I had a strange day or two where I had brown bleeding very light and then that's it. Nothing since.

Now, as is always at the back of someone's mind when you would love another baby but knew you would never achieve it I have got 'the feels'.

What I would like to know is before I rush out to buy 80 grands worth of first response tests and building my fucking hopes up all over again for the first time in years, I would like to know if anyone has had first hand success with getting pregnant naturally with such poor fertility? Or do I just slap myself round the face and ignore it.

AIBU to even think that yes miracles could happen and risk sending me down a road that I have travelled so many times with no success. Only to end up heartbroken again.

Just to avoid drip-feeding when I say that my husband has an extremely low sperm count we're not talking low millions or even high thousands, we're talking five or six per sample.

Do I test and risk being destroyed again (because as stupid as it is I'm already visualising an happy ending) or I do just forget it all, wonder where the fuck my period has gone and continue on my merry way.

Sorry for boring you all.

Place marking - my ex was miracle baby (and didn't he know it!) arriving just a couple years after his siblings were adopted. His parents had been ttc for I think almost 20 years.

Just and a very heartfelt prayer.

It's very unlikely, you know that - you will have to test though

OP whatever the results, your response is very natural. I hope it's what you want.x

Good luck OP, I really really hope you get a positive

Sending best wishes, from a fellow ICSI Mummy (6 years in the making!) Xx

Fingers crossed for you OP

I know someone who had lots of fertility issues, had their three rounds of NHS fertility treatment and paid thousands for private. Nothing worked and in the end they adopted.

Within 12 months of adopting a beautiful baby she fell pregnant completely naturally and unplanned!

I think sometimes nature has a way of saying "do you know what, after all you've been through here's your reward..... two times over"

Miracle babies do happen.

I have an Aunt who adopted a baby had several naturally conceived babies in a short time and then n more babies at all.

I have a friend who adopted a baby then had one baby naturally
I was thought to be the menopause but here I am alive and kicking with children of my own.
I hope you have a good outcome to this situation, there is always hope no matter how slim. If it is not the outcome you want there will always be people here to hold you hand.

Good luck op

There is a quote "it's not the despair, I can handle the despair, its the hope". It strikes a huge chord with me for my infertility so if I were you I'd test, banish the tiny frail hope and face up to the despair. But I also know how tempting it is to try and keep that wee flicker of hope alive.

Good luck op.

It is best to just do a test and answers all those questions spinning round in your head. They will not stop until you have....

Good luck.

Fingers crossed for you OP.

Well I just wanted to wish you well! after what you have been through, one little piss will be nothing.
Good luck!!

Good luck x

Good Luck! However unlikely it is still possible. I'll keep all my fingers crossed for you.

I'm reading all your lovely posts but I'm at work and at risk of getting shouted at for not doing anything so I'm at least attempting to look like I'm doing something. School pick up is 3.15 so a quick dash to Tesco at half past 2, a pee on a stick and then go and pick the boy up.

I have many many things to be grateful for, a warm house, nice food, exciting things to look forward to holiday wise with my family of 3. I am keeping that firmly at the front of my head.

I so wish I had the luxury of being 'late' one month and there being a good chance of a positive and seeing a pregnancy test as an exciting thing but I don't have that and so When I feel down I always try to be aware that I have more and am luckier than so many others it is just hard sometimes.

I'd love this to be a happy ending! I'm not sure it's possible though. I think the odd periods will be as a result of you stopping the pill.

All the best to you xx

And when I say 'more' than others I don't mean material things. I have friends from infertility forums that have never even got a sniff of what I have with my son, i am very lucky that just on of those many many embryos that were put back on board the mothership stuck and he is perfect. I never forget that.

juddyrockingcloggs

You sound so lovely OP. Good luck

Keeping everything crossed, no matter what the outcome is please plan to do something nice tonight- even if it’s just painting your nails. Waiting to test is so stressful, and you’re going to need to take care of yourself regardless of what the test says