Should men pay for dates or at least offer to pay?

[lottieandmia22]

This is a subject I have a lot of mixed feelings about really. On one hand I can see that it's not fair to expect the man to pay. If he was going on many dates initially he'd be severely out of pocket.

BUT my experience of men who don't at least offer to pay is that later on they seem generally tight. OTOH I was very put off by a man who made huge grand gestures.

What have your experiences been?

As usual, you'll find some of the more sensible feminists (and dare I say, older?) perfectly willing to make room for those who have different opinions than them

Presume you're not including yourself in that if you find "limp-wristed" an acceptable descriptive term

First date I’d expect the man to offer - although I’d respond by offering to go halves. After first couple dates I’d say take turns or go halves.

Gah, you know what works for you, so go for it. Each to their own, but don't confuse all chivalry with sexism either.

Each to their own indeed, just don't go confusing women who want to pay their own way for those who expect less of their romantic partner.

What about lesbians?x

Gah and Duck sum this up perfectly. And why make a singular man pay because general pay inequality still exists

@Charmander123

Or any same sex relationships? Quessing equality is more common between partners.

I guess they take turns or split everything - up to them really?

As usual, you'll find some of the more sensible feminists (and dare I say, older?) perfectly willing to make room for those who have different opinions than them

I don’t believe any feminist would accept that men should foot the bill for dates solely based on their chromosomes.

I don’t believe any feminist would accept that men should foot the bill for dates solely based on their chromosomes.

You're mistaken if you think that I believe that.

You're mistaken if you think that I believe that.

So on what basis should men pay for dates?

You either want equality or you dont.
You cant be want equality of sexes only when its benefiting you and then hold on to inequality when short term its not.

Men should pay for dates because it's the more gentlemanly thing to do. It's the same as the "giving your seat up on the train" argument which was a thread the other week. This kind of thing is hardly a big deal actually to most men. It's a shame that you think slightly different expectations of men's behaviour diminishes you as a woman and you extrapolate it to represent wider negative sexism. That's up to you. I personally don't feel undermined by men and I don't feel the need to be the same as them in every aspect of life.

But we haven't got equal pay yet have we so going halves on a date places a bigger burden on the lower earner. For most of my life, I haven't even known men who earned less than me, let alone dated one.

That's a rather silly notion because at this point in time plenty of women earn more than men, even if there is a pay gap (the gap is close enough that this will happen frequently). I know plenty of women that make more than there DP. What this seems to be saying is that if you have group membership in a group with lower wage, and you are dating someone with group membership in a higher wage, then the higher wage group member should pay. But happens if you split the groups another way. Race? Occupation? Education?

This kind of thing is hardly a big deal actually to most men.

This kind of thing is minor. the pay gap is hardly a big deal to most women as they get meals paid for.

I certainly know of at least one man that ended a relationship over this. He was a student, and the woman he was dating was working full time in a good job, but never reached for the bill.

I don't mind paying but if they don't offer half or to get next one I see that as a red flag.

Of course not in all cases depending on the economic situation. I am lucky to have a bit of disposable income a week and they may not. I fully don't mind paying proportionally to income (there abouts, im not a bean counter). But at the end of the day you don't need to do expensive things to have a good time.

Men should pay for dates because it's the more gentlemanly thing to do. It's the same as the "giving your seat up on the train" argument which was a thread the other week

The whole concept of "gentlemanly behaviour" is outdated and sexist.

I want a bloke who is decent and generous equally to men and women not feels boxed into an old fashioned characteristic that means you have to treat women differently because of your chromosomes.

I give up my seat on the train equally to men/women who might need it. I don't expect to be offered a seat on a train because I'm female.

Men should pay for dates because it's the more gentlemanly thing to do.

I.e. men should pay for dates based on their chromosomes.

I wonder what things women should do because they’re seen to be feminine?

Of course not in all cases depending on the economic situation. I am lucky to have a bit of disposable income a week and they may not. I fully don't mind paying proportionally to income (there abouts, im not a bean counter).

it's strange to do this bean counting though when you first meet someone, no? Unless you know someone is skint, it's a strange thing to open on.

For those saying that men should pay.

Doesn't it seem strange that you should start a relationship on the premise of 'I don't know if I want to see you again so you should pay for my time'?

Wouldn't it be better to start on 'you are my equal'?

If a man finished a relationship because he had to always pay for dinner then he clearly wasn't that into her. Point proven. By the second date my now DH would have given me his kidney!

Champagne - I'm inclined to agree. It really isn't about money. There is nothing romantic about going halves just because of equality.

It really isn't about money. There is nothing romantic about going halves just because of equality

On the contrary I find a guy who is interested in equality a far better romantic prospect!

I don't like the idea that romance is measured by finance

Champagneandthestars

He would have given you a kidney and you wouldn't even give him your time.

as for he clearly wasn't in to her, he clearly wasn't in to being a meal ticket and an ATM. Neither of these things are romantic.