Should men pay for dates or at least offer to pay?

[lottieandmia22]

This is a subject I have a lot of mixed feelings about really. On one hand I can see that it's not fair to expect the man to pay. If he was going on many dates initially he'd be severely out of pocket.

BUT my experience of men who don't at least offer to pay is that later on they seem generally tight. OTOH I was very put off by a man who made huge grand gestures.

What have your experiences been?

"I just think that if women want to accept all the good things that come with gender equality (the right to vote, equal pay, equal opportunity etc.) then it cuts both ways"

But we haven't got equal pay yet have we so going halves on a date places a bigger burden on the lower earner. For most of my life, I haven't even known men who earned less than me, let alone dated one.

But we haven't got equal pay yet have we so going halves on a date places a bigger burden on the lower earner.

People aren’t arguing that the lower earner should pay proportionally less. They’re arguing that the man (just by virtue of being male) should pay everything.

That’s wrong.

God no I wouldn't pay! If he wanted to go halves I'd never meet him again. I like a chivalrous man who is generous.

Not opening doors etc would also be a deal breaker though.

All the men who insist on going halves invariably turn out to be twats or not serious anyway - sorts the wheat from the chaff. Male friends on the other hand of course I would go halves or take turns to pay.

All the men who insist on going halves invariably turn out to be twats or not serious anyway

When you say the men “insist” on paying halves, how does that come about? At th end of the date, do you just sit there expecting to have your share paid for?

Not opening doors etc would also be a deal breaker though

Christ on a bike

@Champagneandthestars

Do you have a long term partner?
My experiance is that most women want to pay their half or at least pay for the second date and the women who want to pay their share are a lot more respectable and attractive that the women like you who im not sure but either have an extremely high sense of entitlement or who have extremely low self respect.

Men should pay for the first date, yes, but I'm another one who hasn't been on a date since the 90s.

Men should pay for the first date

Why?

Chivalry?

Chivalry

Outdated concept

Chivalry?

It’s 2018. That’s a rubbish reason.

The whole point of chivalry is to look after weak little women who can’t look after themselves. It that really something you think should continue in today’s society?

To the ones who think the man should always pay the full bill on a date, do you also think that he should be the one to go to work, own the house, pay the bills etc? and you should be the one to stay at home raise the children, do the cooking and cleaning etc?
Or is inequality not a problem when its benefiting you short term?

I hold doors open, give up my seat to those who need it etc. to men and women. As a woman, am pretty sure I cannot by definition be chivalrous, but I am polite - an impeccably gender-neutral virtue

And it appears to be one that men appreciate too!

I think that whoever invited who on the date pays.

Often it's the guy who asks someone out on a date and then it's polite to offer to pay. If I invited a friend out for lunch, I'd expect to pay or would at least offer. If it's a mutual decision to go out, then go halves.

I don't think it should be down to male or female. It's just whatever is good manners.

'To the ones who think the man should always pay the full bill on a date, do you also think that he should be the one to go to work, own the house, pay the bills etc? and you should be the one to stay at home raise the children, do the cooking and cleaning etc? '

That's generally what happens still! In 2018

@lottieandmia22

Nowhere did I ask is that what still happens. I asked if thats what the people who want the man to be paying for the dates want that to still happen?

I think it's sad that some people can't see beyond it being about money. There is nothing wrong with chivalry in men - it's not simply about "looking after weak little women". Why take things so literally?

I've never done internet dating and I can imagine it's a more unknown proposition meeting a total stranger. In those circumstances, I would keep it brief and have an escape route in mind. If I didn't like him, I would put the money down and go. If I did want to see him again, I would let him pay.

Even my son and his friends who are 15 pay for their "girlfriends" in Starbucks . They have no issue with it. I think this is only an issue in MN tbh and I'm not sure why.

duckdarlington - well as it turned out, I am a woman who is at home with the kids. Call it "traditional" if you will. At least my husband was happy to facilitate me having the choice to be at home because we both see it as the best thing for the DC. Just as he would have been embarrassed to have me paying for him in a date, he'd be embarrassed if I had to leave the kids and rush back to work before I was ready, so make of that what you will.

I usually pay in full because I can’t be stuffed with the nonsence of decoding people

There is nothing wrong with chivalry in men - it's not simply about "looking after weak little women". Why take things so literally?

So explain to me what you think chivalry is then?

There is a difference in having good manners and believing the sexes have 'roles'.
I would expect my dc, both male and female to offer their seat to someone more in need. So if they saw a man or woman with walking difficulties I would expect them to offer their seat as I would too.
Likewise if I'm waiting to be served and someone pushes in I think 'rude' in my head. I certainly would not find that person attractive.

An internet date whereby we'd both been chatting and decided to meet up I would expect to go half-half.

If a man I already knew had been flirting with me and then asked me out on a date, I would think that he may make a gesture to pay for the full bill, however would still be more than happy to go halves.