Should men pay for dates or at least offer to pay?

[lottieandmia22]

This is a subject I have a lot of mixed feelings about really. On one hand I can see that it's not fair to expect the man to pay. If he was going on many dates initially he'd be severely out of pocket.

BUT my experience of men who don't at least offer to pay is that later on they seem generally tight. OTOH I was very put off by a man who made huge grand gestures.

What have your experiences been?

I would be expecting to pay for anyone that I had invited out on a date or for Dinner if I could nt afford to I would not offer and would suggest some alternative
I am a bit (lot ) old fashioned and open doors for people and walk on the roadside on a pavement
That said if someone offered me a drink I would graciously accept

Surely the only circumstances in which somebody would need to finance themselves through maternity is if the father of the child had buggered off. In a marriage, why would you be aiming to do that (unless as a PP suggested, it's actually family savings but you just call it "yours"). Otherwise, what on earth was your DH doing?

No of course she doesn't subsidise her date's extravagance. If you go on a date and someone takes the piss you don't go on a date with them again. Taking the piss us not romantic. I am assuming an equality of ordering. If there isn't but you are expected to pay, that's the end of that .
I have family members who tried this when I suggested we go halves.
They are family members. We tell them no, they pay for their own extravagance and that's that too. We remain close , we just don't have that nonsense.

And I am quite ol fashioned in termsof holding doors for people, offering to help if someone has an pushchair and a flight of stairs to contend with, stepping off the pavement (if safe) or pausing to make way if someone has a heavy load, standing on a bus for a senior etc. Doesn't everyone? I'm a woman, btw.

I'd always offer to pay but if a man on a first date let me pay for him there probably wouldn't be a second date.
Tins is just my experience. My ex was a cheap skate who mosnrd snlug. Ito by me a fruit cidar rather than a standard cidar. Dispute the fact we bought on rounds and he drank pints to my halves!
I told him to not buy mine, if buy my own drinks but he moaned about that too.
Also he ate more than me but we still took turns to buy dinner.
My dp usually pays when we go out. We live together though and he earns more than I do.

topmummy3 why, exactly?

lostinblankers impeccable manners such as you have never go out of fashion

I will always insist on paying half. I have had bad experiences with guys reckoning that I owe them sex because they bought me a meal/a drink and such.

And before these bad experiences with sleazy guys, I was generally of the opinion that whoever asked the other out should pay. Though guys would argue a LOT if I insisted on paying either full, or even my half.

It was actually a guy who argued blind against me paying anything..who then turned round and expected a shag and used the excuse 'but I just spent money on you'

After this a random guy who bought me a drink tried this one. So now I take nothing at all from men. As they seem to think that buying a drink, or a meal or something makes you owe them sex.

As an aside, my first date with my husband, I had asked him out. He also let me pay without arguing which was refreshing. Was the last person I 'dated' so it obviously went well

Vicxy I asked my husband out on our first date as well, but what we wound up doing didn't cost anything, so the subject of payment didn't come up.

person whom asks pays is basically expecting men to pay because how many woman actually ask people out? Men are on the whole expected to do all the foot work and all the chasing AND all the paying.

But hey only equality when its beneficial to woman the uproar when woman had to pay more because car insurance was cheaper simply because you had a vagina irrespective on how badly you drove.

Also outrage when woman of child bearing age was expected to pay more for health insurance because martintiy and some other female only conditions meant that it was more expensive for insurance companies to insure women (so direct comparsion to facts of costing more aka men have more road accidents woman of a set age can cost more one was seen as acceptable the other was sexist and should be equal cost.... )

Also outrage when woman of child bearing age was expected to pay more for health insurance because martintiy and some other female only conditions meant that it was more expensive for insurance companies to insure women (so direct comparsion to facts of costing more aka men have more road accidents woman of a set age can cost more one was seen as acceptable the other was sexist and should be equal cost.... )

What does this mean? Are you comparing women paying more for health insurance (biological, not a choice, luck) to men paying more for car insurance (non-biological, a choice, to drive as badly as you choose).

Do men have more road accidents than women?

both suffer due to their sex so they are comparable..

25 old male had 7 years no claims bonus paid £600 more that a 25 female who had written off 4 cars (same modal of car and similar age).

Do woman cost more to treat medically?

Its the same idea that your sex determines how much you pay is WRONG no matter if its health or car insurance.

The man in the situation i provided should of gotten cheaper car insurance as he was a good driver but because he processed a penis he paid more than a proven bad driver simply because she had a vagina and you do not see that as wrong?

I always went halves on a first date.

It’s interesting how much you can pick up from this act. One guy took me to a nice restaurant, I calculated I’d spent £25.00 ish, gave him £30.00 so it covered the tip too, he took the £30.00 then made up the remaining part with coins! Honestly he pulled a purse out and counted it out to the last penny. I didn’t see him again.

Another I dated, went for drinks, ended up ordering food, bill came, let’s say £48.70 so I pulled out £25 to cover my half. He pulled out a calculator to work out if my second glass of wine made my half more expensive than his dinner and dessert but only drinking coke. (It didn’t, his half was pennies more than my half) I never saw him again.

Go halves, at least you can’t be accused of only dating for free drinks etc.

One thing that's come up is that if a guy is having tons of dates he just can't afford to pay each time.

Wouldn't anyone be really put off if they went on a date with someone who'd been on several dates that week? It hardly makes you feel special, does it?

Do woman cost more to treat medically?

I have absolutely no idea, I was trying to see the logic in your argument - which I think is ‘women should pay more for healthcare because they are women but men shouldn’t pay more for car insurance because they are men’.

Where is this 25 year old man who is in an identical situation to a woman but being penalised?

worridmum also he probably paid more than a lot of men who were terrible drivers, due to his age. Is that fair?

lottie, are you that gal Kaylee who was on First Dates Hotel the other week?

No my logic was both situations are wrong but some people think men should of paid more car insurance because statistically they cause more accidents then woman. But on the other hand arguing that woman should not have to pay more for health insurance even though they are statistically cost more to insure.

In my ideal world new drivers should start off on the same cost (maybe what previous young men had to pay) of insurance they have accidents they pay more, they don't have any they pay less. Rather then simply looking at what the person age is or want genital they have.

We have sex / age discrimation rules but they are apparently optional when involved with insurance and or when the person that comes worse off happens to be male

Oh It makes me weep to see some of these responses. If a man accepts the offer to go halves, he won’t get a second date? WTF is that all about?

I have no idea who paid what on our first date. I would definitely have offered to go halves, but whether we agreed on that or not, I’ve no idea. I do recall that about 3 months in to dating, his brother stopped paying him rent and he had absolutely no cash and I ended up paying for stuff. He wasn’t happy about it but if I didn’t, we would never have gone out. And this was despite him earning more than me at the time. Eventually I moved in with him and we pretty much took it in turns to pay. How that all worked at the time has absolutely no bearing on our approach to money now. He doesn’t expect me to pay for everything just because I did for a few months whilst we were dating. Sometimes he pays for dinner, sometimes I do. He currently earns more than I do, but that’s doesn’t mean I expect him to always pay.

People seem to be getting confused about equality. Sure it doesn’t mean “same” but it does mean “fair”. It also means not making a judgment about who does what based on anatomy.

Incidentally, I just asked my 8 year old if a man should pay for dinner on the first date and she looked at me as if I were mad and said “why should he? Surely you would split the bill?” Hopefully the next generation will be more sensible about this and not keep harking back to some outdated concept, pretending it is about chivalry or good manners.

We have sex / age discrimation rules but they are apparently optional when involved with insurance and or when the person that comes worse off happens to be male

Well, no - the difference is women can’t help that their biology means they cost more to treat medically (if that’s true, and like I said, I have no idea if it is). So it’s not fair that women have to pay more because they need gynaecological help, if that’s what it is, because they can’t choose that.

But men CAN help driving poorly - so if your friend is annoyed that men driving badly = higher isurance costs for men, he could campaign against it by say, encouraging men to go on advanced driving courses or speed awareness courses, or whatever it is.

And like I said, car insurance favours those who are statistically less likely to have a claim, so your friend could equally argue that he’s discriminated against by being younger or living in a certain area or not having off-street parking. I don’t think it’s because of women that your friend has to pay more for insurance.

I’d offer to go halves but would prefer the man to offer to pay, wouldnt want to date a tight arse.

Sorry, I think my point got a bit lost there - penalising women because their biology makes it more likely they’ll need medical care is not the fault of women. Penalising men because men are more likely to drive badly IS the fault of men.