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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should men pay for dates or at least offer to pay?

731 replies

lottieandmia22 · 18/01/2018 19:49

This is a subject I have a lot of mixed feelings about really. On one hand I can see that it's not fair to expect the man to pay. If he was going on many dates initially he'd be severely out of pocket.

BUT my experience of men who don't at least offer to pay is that later on they seem generally tight. OTOH I was very put off by a man who made huge grand gestures.

What have your experiences been?

OP posts:
CauliflowerBalti · 19/01/2018 11:35

Whoever invited the other should be prepared to pay, and should choose a venue they can afford. “Would you like to come to dinner with me?” That’s an OFFER to pay, imo.

The other party should offer half. Up to the invitee whether they accept it. I’d probably say, no, you pay next time... As a subtle way of letting them know there would be a next time, and also so they get to choose something in their price range.

Gender doesn’t come into it.

ShatnersWig · 19/01/2018 11:36

I have an unusual way of seeing the world

That's one way of looking at it

formerbabe · 19/01/2018 11:38

And then no doubt be the first to shout about equality and equal pay

Meanwhile, most men don't give a shit about equal pay and couldn't give a fuck what their female colleagues are earning, whilst enjoying the fact that equality means they don't need to open their wallets to buy dinner.

Original poster
lottieandmia22 · 19/01/2018 11:38

'I find it offensive that you think it would be ok for some self-important little princess to go out with one of my grown up sons, expect them to pay and, if she liked them 'buy them a little gift''

I don't think anyone on the thread thinks that 🙄 find something important to get offended about.

OP posts:
Theresnonamesleft · 19/01/2018 11:38

Surely before you start to think about having kids you have actual conversations.
But before you think about having kids you will be aware if he’s a lazy fucker who doesn’t clean, cook etc. so surely at that point you say fuck this and split.

And a first date wouldn’t tell you if he cooked, cleaned etc.

And actually thinking about this more. The first date crystal ball could also say actually do you want to be with someone that pays for everything? This could be an indication that he’s reckless with money.

ShatnersWig · 19/01/2018 11:38

The OP once had a thread entitled: Friends who always invite themselves to your house and never invite you to theirs

Are these friends actually ex-boyfriends who are now looking to recoup their losses from when you were dating?

Original poster
lottieandmia22 · 19/01/2018 11:39

Shatners Wig - it's really pathetic to stalk someone's past threads and then bring them up on another thread they started.

OP posts:
newmumwithquestions · 19/01/2018 11:40

I don’t get it. Those that think the man should pay... why?

Relative earnings should maybe come into it but even then there are no hard and fast rules. So for simplicity let’s assume both parties are about the same financially.

Why should the person with a penis pay?

Theresnonamesleft · 19/01/2018 11:41

Lottie it was you that said buy the guy a gift next time.

blueskypink · 19/01/2018 11:41

OP - you clearly think it as you said it!Confused

Original poster
lottieandmia22 · 19/01/2018 11:42

It was an example. Other people on the thread brought up examples where they prebooked something and paid for it to make the situation equal.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 19/01/2018 11:43

Sorry OP but when I see people posting really weird stuff on MN, having been here for almost 7 years, I like to see whether I might be dealing with a Daily Fail journalist stoking up something to use in their rag or if someone has a history of spouting nonsense to see whether they mean what they say or are creating one of those "humorous" AIBU threads that half of us don't get the inside joke of.

lostinblankers · 19/01/2018 11:43

Wow, the op had another thread one time. Who gives a shiny one.
Op, I would frankly be suspicious of a man who insisted on paying for everything. What else does he think is in the deal?
My dh sometimes treats me. I sometimes treat him. Usually we pay halves.
I insisted on going halves when I was dating.

Original poster
lottieandmia22 · 19/01/2018 11:44

'Sorry OP but when I see people posting really weird stuff on MN, having been here for almost 7 years, I like to see whether I might be dealing with a Daily Fail journalist stoking up something to use in their rag or if someone has a history of spouting nonsense to see whether they mean what they say or are creating one of those "humorous" AIBU threads that half of us don't get the inside joke of.'

Well I've been here for 14 years and I don't really care or have to explain myself to you.

OP posts:
Theresnonamesleft · 19/01/2018 11:44

It wasn’t an example though you said

I think if the guy pays and you like him and the relationship moves forward you can buy him a nice gift to make things more equal

blueskypink · 19/01/2018 11:45

OP - yes it was an example. Your example 🙄

Original poster
lottieandmia22 · 19/01/2018 11:46

Ok...,you interpret it how you wish. But it was an example.

OP posts:
Donnerkebabbler · 19/01/2018 11:46

Good point lottie I presumed you did because you say you have an unusual view of the world and also that such men would be able to fund at least one date in its entirety, an approach you appear to support

Original poster
lottieandmia22 · 19/01/2018 11:47

I don't necessarily support it. I am trying to work out what I believe which is why I started the thread.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 19/01/2018 11:51

So, lottie, are you actively dating at present?

Donnerkebabbler · 19/01/2018 11:52

I earn more than my partner but I have a dependent and he has none. We don’t calculate halves, we just take turns or if I’ve bought and cooked food he pays for some drinks at our local. Tonight I’ll pay for our takeaway and he’ll buy some drinks and Cinema tickets. It’s not scientifically equal, but it is fair

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 19/01/2018 11:54

Meanwhile, most men don't give a shit about equal pay and couldn't give a fuck what their female colleagues are earning, whilst enjoying the fact that equality means they don't need to open their wallets to buy dinner.

Jesus Confused

I’m curious, did you spout this nonsense when on first dates?

Donnerkebabbler · 19/01/2018 11:54

lottie try not to link any past negative financial behaviour by men to this subject, if that is what you’re doing. Easy to see why you would though. Good luck with dating, if you are Smile

IamPickleRick · 19/01/2018 11:56

I always offer to pay and happily would, but I have never been on a date where the man hasn’t absolutely insisted so I have never had to actually cough up. I would always reciprocate by paying for the tickets to the theatre/club nights/events or activities.

RedForFilth · 19/01/2018 11:58

I'd never go for a meal on a first date in case it goes wrong as it's a long time to sit with someone you don't like. I prefer to go for drinks so usually he pays for the first round of drinks and I pay for the second, or we each get our own. I'm uncomfortable with the man insisting on paying as it feels like he's trying to buy me. I do the same when I date women.

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