Should men pay for dates or at least offer to pay?

[lottieandmia22]

This is a subject I have a lot of mixed feelings about really. On one hand I can see that it's not fair to expect the man to pay. If he was going on many dates initially he'd be severely out of pocket.

BUT my experience of men who don't at least offer to pay is that later on they seem generally tight. OTOH I was very put off by a man who made huge grand gestures.

What have your experiences been?

Not RTFT.

IME men who REFUSE to let you pay half should be avoided.

I think if the guy pays and you like him and the relationship moves forward you can buy him a nice gift to make things more equal.

OP - this is bizarre in the extreme.

the man should pay x

Blue sky - probably - I have an unusual way of seeing the world 😂

I think my point about that is to make him feel appreciated by you.

What about if the guy is a struggling single parent dating a woman who earns a six figure salary? Who should pay then?

Also to the PP who said that men who insist on paying are more likely to expect you to stay at home doing housework - would you rather be with a man who expected you to have several babies and then rush back to work and get on with earning the money? Is that equality?

We want to be treat as equals so we need to be reinforcing that message by paying our way.

No, I'd prefer it if I was with someone who was ready to have a conversation about all those sorts of things.

Saying "shall we split the bill?" and making no assumptions is the desirable option

No, not unless you are wearing a bonnet and going home in a carriage. If he offers lovely, halfers fine or maybe even the woman could pay. SHOCK!

We want to be treat as equals so we need to be reinforcing that message by paying our way

Yes but all too often women are changing their behaviour to be equal whilst men don't.

For example, women will work full time after having children yet still do all the housework. When women were being told they could be equal and work, no one had told the men they needed to step up and do more household chores/childcare. All equality has meant is that women have had to change their behaviour and men haven't changed meaning women end up being metaphorically screwed. Equality has really benefitted men.

I always think on First Dates that it's completely out of order for the women to accept the man paying if they have no intention of seeing that man again.

If I was on that program, and knew I wasn't at all interested romantically, I would absolutely not allow my share to be paid for (before I had expressed I didn't want to see them again). Height of bad manners.

If I did want to see them again and thought they felt the same then I might agree for man to pay if they absolutely insisted, but I would push hard to pay my share (not half hearted) and only accept if they insisted harder. And also because I would hope to be seeing them on a second date when I would pay for both of us.

If the woman genuinely likes the man she doesn't care who pays.

If the woman wants the man to pay it's indicative of that she either doesn't like the man and wants to avoid losing money on a failed date, or that she is aiming to settle into a long term relationship with an ATM.

I have zero respects for women who expect to be paid for. I wouldn’t want to be friends with them.

I also have zero respect for men who don’t allow women to pay and wouldn’t be friends with them either.

The thing is that even on a first date you can tell a lot about how someone is likely to behave in the future.

Bollocks. Again, see the Relationship board.

Former - that's so true. I've always thought the expression "having it all" should have been "doing it all". Much nearer the mark. In general, do men know or care if there's a new sellotape in the drawer? If DC need new socks or pyjamas (and remembering to go out and buy them and put them away in the drawers and throw out the old sets, all unnoticed, all unannounced, just doing it without comment?) If the house is running out of toilet rolls and buying some in advance without making a deal about it? That kind of miniature detail and thousands more like it is what some women are often landed alongside working full time hours etc with as some men just don't see it as "their job" and won't, any time soon.

Blue sky - probably - I have an unusual way of seeing the world 😂

Indeed you do op. But I find the way you see things quite offensive rather than amusing.

People get offended every day of the week. 🤷🏻‍♀️

And what is offensive about buying a gift for someone you like?

'If the woman wants the man to pay it's indicative of that she either doesn't like the man and wants to avoid losing money on a failed date, or that she is aiming to settle into a long term relationship with an ATM.'

I don't think this is true. I actually would want to pay if I didn't like the guy more than if I did.

If being a trophy girlfriend works for you then go for it Lottie. To each her own.

Where did I say I was happy to be a trophy girlfriend?

I find it offensive that you think it would be ok for some self-important little princess to go out with one of my grown up sons, expect them to pay and, if she liked them 'buy them a little gift'. And then no doubt be the first to shout about equality and equal pay

If you're with a man that doesn't do housework, or sees any little jobs that need doing... Don't settle for it and have children with him. Leave him, find someone else

Certainly easier said than done. Men who genuinely will do 50/50 housework/childcare are very rare. Even with couples who you think are reasonably equal, look closer. You'll find she takes on way more of the physical/mental load.