To go on a city break leaving behind sick baby

[Phuquocdreams]

Sigh, I kinda know I am...
Meant to be going on a city break this weekend with friends and family. Flight booked. 18mo has come down today with a bug, hot, clingy, just not well. I work full-time so I'm not even going to be there much to comfort him before the weekend. He doesn't sleep as a rule (wakes 3-4 times), won't accept dh at night, still feeds and I was desperately looking forward to a weekend away to SLEEP, have a drink, spend some time with a sibling whose having a hard time. And also hopefully let dh make a start on night-weaning (again) without milky boobs mum (he is only too happy to delegate almost all night responsibility to me on basis "he can't comfort baby" - he can but we always seem to slip back to me doing it all).
Anyways I can't really put a sick baby through the stress of that, can I? Think I know the answer...

OP - my DD was a bit like this at 17/18 months. Woke at night wanting to be fed, even though she would also sleep through some nights

In the end, the little so and so bit me so that my nipple bled - i cut it off cold turkey right there and then (er, the feeding, not the nipple!). She was fine with a bottle during the day and slept through almost at once after that. You've done brilliantly to get this far; you can stop if YOU want to.

As for the weekend, I agree - go. DS will likely be much better by then, and it will do your partner good to do some of the night time stuff if you've been doing it all.

No dh would definitely not cancel! Although he would feel bad about it.

Mine were looked after solely by their Dad when I went back to work 12 hour shifts so they’d be asleep when I left and by the time I got up, he managed fine if they were sick why wouldn’t he?..sure you’ll have a lovely time just go will give your dh quality time with your baby and you some quality you time.

They have a dad. You've said he wouldn't cancel himself so don't feel guilty because you're a mum not a dad!

I totally understand why you feel worried, but I agree with most other posters. It's not as if DS will be with strangers - his father is his PARENT. Sounds like it would be good for your DH to spend some more 1x1 time with DS anyway. It may be a learning experience for him, but so much the better. Please go and try to enjoy it - not have any guilt overshadowing it.

My daughter is 20 months and has only recently night weaned so I understand where you're coming from. However, there is no way I would have started night weaning while she was unwell. Night weaning is a big disruption to them emotionally as well as physically and I think adding sickness into the equation makes it unnecessarily more difficult for them to adjust.

I'm surprised so many people are saying to go. I'm sure any adult can recall how they feel when they're under the weather. I'd liken what you're proposing to taking away that person's bed or duvet and expecting them to adjust. Might be an inconvenience ordinarily, but seems a bit mean if they're ill and just want rest and comfort.

That said, chances are he'll be feeling better by the time you go and this is a non-issue. I'd see how he is tomorrow.

I think there’s a bit of bias here against extended breastfeeding bonny! Hence most people are saying ‘well she shouldn’t be feeding at this stage anyway’. Because the baby is, and it expects it at night, and it’s particularly important for them to feed when they are unwell. The world health organization recommends feeding children until 2 - stop treating mums like they should give up at 6 months, 1 year etc!
That being said op - you have to balance your babies needs against your mental health and how much you need this break

Sounds as though it will be a good opportunity for your other half and the baby to make that bond. It will do them both good (not to mention doing you the world of good.)

With so many posters encouraging you to go, I'm curious to understand what advice they would offer to someone who posted the following:

I separated from DH last Autumn. He has regular contact with our 20mo DS though has not had him overnight as he is still BFing. Before Christmas we agreed to commence overnight visits starting this weekend when ExDH would collect DS on Friday and return Sunday pm. However DS has now come down with a bug, is running a temp and very clingy. His first overnight visits were always going to be tricky due to BFing, but as his primary carer, WIBU to postpone this weekend until he's better? I'm just not sure it's in his best interests to disrupt his routine while he is unwell.

I'm not trying to be goady, but it's the effectively the same situation for your DS and I feel you'd get very different responses.

Your thread title implies that your DS is a tiny baby when he fact at 18 months he's prob a strapping toddler, not a baby.

Def go - he's with his dad, his other parent, and you can break this awful night routine hopefully. It only sounds like a cold, not an illness.

You're just trying to martyr yourself & in doing so you will underline your children's relationship with their father.

Your husband would go, so you go!!!

Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of this and NO ONE will thank you for it.

Also "smallies" - yuk.

@bonnymnemonic but it's not the same situation at all. This child's parents are together and if Mum goes away it's presumably because both parents are happy with it.
When there is a difference of opinion then yes it should be primary parents decision (within reason) until the child is old enough to speak for themselves.

It’s NOT the same situation. This child lives full time with the parent who he is being left with. In your scenario it is the same as this child say being left with grandparents who have NEVER looked after this toddler overnight. In that scenario people would not be unanimous.

I’ve nothing against extended BF, but I do think there comes a time when nursing every couple of hours all night every night isn’t the best.

The OPer sounds like she needs a break and needs sleep. I don’t believe we need to be martyrs to the cause.

His minder says his temperature is down and he has ate a good lunch.
Re night weaning - over the Christmas period, because I was having a drink, I was giving him a bottle to go to sleep, a bottle when he woke (yes, still always me despite no boobs involvement!) and just breastfed around 6am. Then we went abroad for a few days, he refused the UHT milk, so back on the breast - and when I tried to give him a bottle last week when we returned he went nuts and was awake from 1 to 4. So path of easiest resistance...but it certainly won't be his first night without breastmilk. I just really want dh to be able to do more at night. 2 hours ago I was really thinking I wouldn't go but if his temperature is down I think I will. (Even if he wasn't sick I was facing the risk of dh trying to ring me during the night if he wouldn't settle so I'm worried that will happen, but if his temperature is down hopefully that won't be so bad).

Go, your child will be fine.
He has one parent with him, and daddy can give just as much love and cuddles as mummy.

Go go go! It’ll do you good and your dh in the long run too. No harm will come to your dc.

I very rarely go away without my dc and the first time I went for a weekend away with friends, my eldest came down with chicken pox. Fast forward 4 years and exactly the same happened with my youngest. My then dh coped admirably and all came out the other way unscathed.

See how he is tomorrow. Kids can bounce back really quickly. As long as he's no worse then your DH can cope!

I love all those posters stating “I wouldn’t go but you should”🤔

It sounds like he is on the mend. A break will do you good and might help your DS to sleep more.
My situation was similar to yours, DD was in our room and feeding a lot at night, I was back at work and on my knees with tiredness. Moved her to her own room and decided to stop night feeds, she was probably about 18 months too. Took 2 nights, only DH went into settle her. She then started sleeping through.
I continued to bf for another year, but not at night.

GO GO GO
It will keep you sane. As mothers our default is to feel guilty. If you dont go, next weekend when you are home and child is better you will feel like you missed out.
A man wouldn't even give it a second thought. Enjoy yourself and push the guilt away. Dads need to be alone with sick children too. Its draining and they sd so their share.

@Kaytee87 and @LuchiMangsho I know it's not the same situation, but from the child's POV it is losing their primary carer and source of comfort when they are unwell and expected to adjust to a new routine.

It sounds like this is all moot anyway as OP's DS is on the mend. Plus this won't actually be the first time he is expected to go without BFing at night according to OP's update.

I would 100% go. Especially if your DH needs a push to step up this is his chance!

Go. Let his dad be his dad and step up. Maybe he'll stop dumping it all on you at the night wake ups, too, once he gets a real taste of how unfair it is to have to do all of it by yourself all the bloody time.

It's his dad. He'll be fine. THey'll both be fine.

And what if you were ill? Struck down with flu or something. Dad needs to know how to cope with his own child.

Baby will likely be much better by the weekend. Daddy is competent and was willing for you to go. It's actually better if you are out of the way if you and DH are wanting to change the routine so that he takes more of a role at night. It's easier for him if you're not there to cave in to. Would it be any different if you and DH were going away for the weekend and leaving him with GP's? Have fun and doubtless everyone will be glad to see you home.