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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on a city break leaving behind sick baby

231 replies

Phuquocdreams · 17/01/2018 21:18

Sigh, I kinda know I am...
Meant to be going on a city break this weekend with friends and family. Flight booked. 18mo has come down today with a bug, hot, clingy, just not well. I work full-time so I'm not even going to be there much to comfort him before the weekend. He doesn't sleep as a rule (wakes 3-4 times), won't accept dh at night, still feeds and I was desperately looking forward to a weekend away to SLEEP, have a drink, spend some time with a sibling whose having a hard time. And also hopefully let dh make a start on night-weaning (again) without milky boobs mum (he is only too happy to delegate almost all night responsibility to me on basis "he can't comfort baby" - he can but we always seem to slip back to me doing it all).
Anyways I can't really put a sick baby through the stress of that, can I? Think I know the answer...

OP posts:
HipNewName · 18/01/2018 06:03

You know, if you go, when you come back, your little one may be sleeping through the night. Two nights of no night nursing might be all it takes.

And then you'll get to sleep every night.

rwalker · 18/01/2018 06:28

he's got his dad go .Dads can be a capable as mums

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 18/01/2018 06:43

Go! You deserve a break and he’s got his dad to take care of him.

Would your husband still go on a trip if the boot was on the other foot or would he stay home to look after the baby if you were there to do so?

NapQueen · 18/01/2018 06:58

Go.

My dh would be offended if I stayed behind "I am prefectly capable of looking after our children" Grin

Hidingtonothing · 18/01/2018 06:59

I'm the last person anyone who knows me would expect to say 'go' but, having read all your posts OP, I absolutely think you should. You sound like you really need this and, tbh, your DH sounds like he needs to walk in your shoes for a while. DC will be with a parent who loves them, yes it will be different because you're not there but they adapt much quicker and easier than we expect. You need this OP and your DC need a mum who's not at breaking point Flowers

scrabbler3 · 18/01/2018 07:06

I think that you should go. It'll do all three of you some good by the sound of it.

HamishBamish · 18/01/2018 07:12

I would wait and see how he closer to the weekend. From personal experience I found both mine found their comfort in breastfeeding when they were ill at that age, feeding frequently and throughout the night. For that reason I wouldn’t go if it were me.

However, his father will be there so he will be fine. If you feel comfortable going I would go.

LEMtheoriginal · 18/01/2018 07:12

If a woman posted tgat her DP was planning on leaving her to deal with a sick non sleeping child this would have been a very different thread

Shakey15000 · 18/01/2018 07:13

GO.

GO.

GO.

Perfect opportunity for you to relax, catch up. Perfect opportunity for DH to not take the easy option of handing back to you bond.

What's not to like?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 18/01/2018 07:20

GO

You have a toddler with a cold, not a baby who is ‘ill’. Your DH is being a lazy git. It sounds like you need to go for LONGER not less time, give them some ‘bonding’ time on a plate!

Worrying about DH having two ‘smalls’ to look after is enabling this crap. Plenty of single parents doing this 24/7 - some of them are even, gasp, men.

GO. SLEEP. DRINK. RELAX. SLEEP. Or I’ll be hunting you down and giving you a good talking to. GO.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 18/01/2018 07:25

The toddler has a cold, plenty of non breastfeeding toddlers have cold and cope without being attached to mummy’s boob. They can get ‘comfort’ from cuddles with Daddy just as well, IF Daddy is given the opportunity —and no option to opt out—.

Bekabeech · 18/01/2018 07:27

I echo the concensus - GO!
The baby isn't that ill, and will have his Dad.

LemonShark · 18/01/2018 07:27

"Today 07:12 LEMtheoriginal

If a woman posted tgat her DP was planning on leaving her to deal with a sick non sleeping child this would have been a very different thread"

I honestly doubt that. Life goes on. The world doesn't end for a baby with a cold.

Original poster
Phuquocdreams · 18/01/2018 07:42

The feeding is driving me demented. V bad night, if he couldn't feed or grab and pinch my nipples he just screamed. Desperately want to stop. I'm not even sure this morning how sick he is, and what is tiredness from not sleeping at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Phuquocdreams · 18/01/2018 07:43

He only feeds at night at this stage.

OP posts:
LemonShark · 18/01/2018 07:46

Go OP and give yourself a well deserved break. It'll be good for your DP too, he's not gonna learn to be better at night comforting if you're always round the corner to step in. Go without guilt, baby will be fine.

Jigglytuff · 18/01/2018 07:51

Go. You both need to break this cycle of night feeding - you both need sleep. This is a great way to do it. Your DH is your baby's parent and is just as capable as looking after him as you are

Original poster
Phuquocdreams · 18/01/2018 07:53

Obviously I know that's cos he's not feeling well, although he did the same last week too.

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 18/01/2018 07:56

I thought you were leaving him with granny or someone. It’s his father and you are inadvertently undermining their relationship by not allowing him to be an equal parent. At 18 months he doesn’t need night feeds but does need to learn other ways to be comforted and does need to learn to sleep through the night.
Go, have a lovely time and relax knowing you’re actually acting in his best interests.

OutComeTheWolves · 18/01/2018 07:56

You would be unreasonable to leave your ill baby with a random while you went away.

Nothing wrong at all with leaving him with his dad while you take a much needed break. Go and have fun. Weeks on end of broken sleep takes its toll and it sounds like you deserve a break.

Rainbowsandflowers78 · 18/01/2018 08:15

I don’t really think it’s fair on a baby to stop night feeds when he’s unwell

  • wait until he’s better?
Original poster
Phuquocdreams · 18/01/2018 08:16

I wish it was weeks - try 18 months!. Work is stressful (that's what I was thinking about all during the wee hours) and we're having issues with the eldest, any one of those three things is enough to burn out but putting it all together... but in fairness to dh he has much of those stresses too, which is why I feel bad if this weekend is to prove more difficult that envisaged for him. This is turning into a whinge fest yet it's the little one who should be whinging, he's the one whose sick.

OP posts:
ciaobella88 · 18/01/2018 08:17

Go 100%

Nousernameforme · 18/01/2018 08:26

Calpol lots of fluids and baby vicks can't remember what it's called. He will be fine. Quick question if it was the other way round would dh cancel?

MiddleClassProblem · 18/01/2018 08:35

Do you have any other family near by that DH can use as support if needed?
It’s only a couple of days though either way.