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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go on a city break leaving behind sick baby

231 replies

Phuquocdreams · 17/01/2018 21:18

Sigh, I kinda know I am...
Meant to be going on a city break this weekend with friends and family. Flight booked. 18mo has come down today with a bug, hot, clingy, just not well. I work full-time so I'm not even going to be there much to comfort him before the weekend. He doesn't sleep as a rule (wakes 3-4 times), won't accept dh at night, still feeds and I was desperately looking forward to a weekend away to SLEEP, have a drink, spend some time with a sibling whose having a hard time. And also hopefully let dh make a start on night-weaning (again) without milky boobs mum (he is only too happy to delegate almost all night responsibility to me on basis "he can't comfort baby" - he can but we always seem to slip back to me doing it all).
Anyways I can't really put a sick baby through the stress of that, can I? Think I know the answer...

OP posts:

Pannacott · 17/01/2018 22:43

Go! He's not a baby he's a toddler, he's with his dad. Yes two kids is hard work but I bet you'd manage it wouldn't you?! You need the sleep, you need a break, you need the company. This could be just the thing to reset the challenging sleeping habits you, DH and toddler have got into.

Enjoy it!

SpareASquare · 17/01/2018 22:49

I would absolutely go and probably wouldn't feel a whole lot of guilt about it seeing as there is another parent willing and able to care for baby.
It's only a weekend, everyone will be fine.

GabriellaMontez · 17/01/2018 22:50

I wouldn't

Wills · 17/01/2018 22:53

MrsMaisel, having watched your namesake did she prioritise over any possibility of life? I have 4 kids and husband who never seems to be roused by calls for help by infants but will be the first to claim how disturbed his sleep was by a sick child (I.e. he never gets up but feels tha5 because he’s woken that it’s somehow equivalent to holding a sick bowl whilst a child throws up whilst at the same time desperately trying not to shiver so hard you miss said vomit!).

I seriously believe that the more individuals involved in their life the more confident they will grew up. This includes their fathers. At the same time it’s good to remind our other halves that we’re not merely living the life of Riley! Unfortunately you will feel guilty! That is a mother’s budern, though I wish it not! BUT regardless of what happens spending a weekend in the sole care of their father will NOT harm them! However it might give you enough time off to return anew, refreshed, envigoured. ALL of which are beneficial to your little one. Meanwhile it will give said father a taste of reality that he really should be experiencing a minimum of once a week. Not being funny but it’s all too easy for women to shut men out at this early stage. They’re relieved! But be honest it helps the, to build bonds and the bonds your lttle One has the more rounded they will develop. So GO! Honestly have a break! You’ll be a better mum for the break and do will be a better partner for the understanding and a better dad for being allowed the opportunity to bond. Have fun! Xx

Hellywelly10 · 17/01/2018 22:56

You still have two days baby should be better soon.

Hellywelly10 · 17/01/2018 22:58

Can you not going to work tomorrow and frI day?

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 17/01/2018 23:02

Your DH will probably just tuck him in with him while you’re away- just as I would if DH was away and a little one was poorly and all will be fine. Good chance for your DH to step up. Weirdly my DH coped better with DCs when they were small if I wasn’t there- because there was no easy alternative option of handing them over

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 17/01/2018 23:05

I went to my sister’s for a (pre-booked!) drunken weekend and left DH in charge of the kids when they had chicken pox. They were all fine.

Original poster

Phuquocdreams · 18/01/2018 01:32

God, in the middle of night and dh in fairness went in initially (he hadn't yet gone to bed) but as soon as it became clear he wouldn't immediately drift back to sleep, straight in to me with a wide awake and now much harder to settle baby. Really wanted to go away so he doesn't have the option of doing that handover for a couple of nights!

OP posts:

IPityThePontipines · 18/01/2018 01:37

Go! His father is his parent too!

WalkingEverywhere · 18/01/2018 01:39

I think you should go and I think you should have a fantastic time and not worry about what's going on at home. They will be fine.

QuilliamCakespeare · 18/01/2018 01:43

Just posting to say you basically described my baby in your OP and I know how utterly desperate I am for an evening to myself. I'm a real wimp with my kids so probably wouldn't go but I think that if you can bear to drag yourself away, you definitely should. It'll do you a world of good.

emmyrose2000 · 18/01/2018 01:51

Go!

Plumsofwrath · 18/01/2018 01:52

If you go, be clear in your mind that you’re doing it for the reasons you gave (need a break, don’t want to burn out), and not because you want to avoid any grief DH might give you when you get back.

RosemaryHoight · 18/01/2018 01:57

I think you should go.

Let their bond develop, ds won't remember it. He is secure and loved by at least two people.

I really struggle with this question as my dc are all big now, and I'd give anything to have them little again. Apart from my mental or physical health.

FloydWasACat · 18/01/2018 02:04

Go, go, go! As long as you can relax, chill and most importantly, sleep, think how much more refreshed you will feel when you get back? Go and enjoy a bit of freedom

Loonoonow · 18/01/2018 02:25

I get the impression you want us to say you should stay home. Is that right? Whereas the overwhelming majority are saying the opposite. Unless there is a reason your DH is inadequate or incompetent I agree with the majority- GO. They may miss you a little but they will survive and their bond will strengthen as a result. You are not a solo parent so don't act like one.

MrsDilber · 18/01/2018 02:41

I see no point in people saying "I wouldn't go - but you go". Those saying just "I wouldn't go" are honest, true responses.

I think all mother's would be having the same dilemma and worries that you are having about this. As previously said, a lot can happen in a couple of days, regarding him perking up and you seeing an improvement.

Unless he spirals and gets worse, you should 100% go and have a break.

SukiStinks · 18/01/2018 02:58

You'll probably find that when you aren't around he will settle well for his dad. Toddlers are fickle when they are offered one person but want the other person, who they know damned well is hiding behind the door!! But, when they know you aren't there they are fine. His dad will probably manage fine then ask you what the normal fuss is about, he found easy!! I'm talking from experience here too! My daughter could play havoc with me but if I wasn't there she was absolutely fine with her father, who generally did nothing towards parenting!

Go! Ad have a fantastic weekend with your sister, who will be so disappointed if you don't go.

Proudmummytodc2 · 18/01/2018 03:30

You should go.

My kids ta the piss out of me sometimes at bedtime. Around 3 weeks ago they were staying up till like 11 and wouldn't listen or stay in bed and they sometimes got up during the night also which I ad to deal with and it came to a weekend I went away for my SIL birthday to a hotel overnight.

I got a text at 8 o'clock saying kids had been fed, bathed and played with dad for a while building Lego's, colouring in ect and were now sleeping.

Dads cope just fine! Go on your trip it will do baby and dad good and it will do you good to get a break.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 18/01/2018 03:58

İ üouldnt. Ühen babies are sick they just üant mum. Yes it sucks and yes ühile there is never a right time babies always seem to get sick at the ürong time. However putting them first is ühat you sign up for ühen you become aparent
Plus, be realistic üould you enjoy yourself anyway if you üere üorrying about your little one

LuchiMangsho · 18/01/2018 04:27

Go. They are always sick over winter anyway. Also this is a toddler with comprehension who isn’t going to be in therapy at 35 because his mum went for a weekend away when he had a bug. Just GO!

Bluedoglead · 18/01/2018 04:44

I think you should go. It will be fine. And it will do neither the baby nor your DH any harm.

HipNewName · 18/01/2018 05:10

we've fallen into the habit of me always putting baby to bed, then having to be the one doing all night wakes...desperately needs to change before I burn out completely

This is the perfect time to change the pattern. Daddy and baby will bond. It will be OK. They will be closer afterwards.

blackdoggotmytongue · 18/01/2018 05:28

My ds slept through the night as soon as I turned off the milk taps.
Prior to that he fed every two hours day and night. Stopping bf was the best thing I ever did for him. (And me).
Go.

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