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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed when people tell me I am "lucky" that my children are well behaved?

136 replies

Wallace · 26/04/2007 20:19

This has happened a couple of times recently. A friend who struggles to get her 3 and 5 year olds in bed before 10pm told me that I am "so lucky" that mine (9months, 5 and 7) go to bed early. Err, no. That might be down to my bloody hard work and perserverence, wouldn't you think? Also her dh is always around for bedtime, and my dh is rarely here at bedtime so I do it singlehandly.

Now I know I sound smug (okay, I am smug), but why when children misbehave do people look on, tutting, blaming the parents. But when children are being good it is down to luck?

OP posts:
ThomCat · 26/04/2007 21:24

I swear having this section on mumsnet just gives people a reason to find something they can rant about!

Chocolateface · 26/04/2007 21:27

I have worked very hard to ensure DS1 is well behaved. And I am very lucky that DS2 and DD are well behaved.

KerryMum · 26/04/2007 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilyLoo · 26/04/2007 21:30

went around to friends with 'perfect' dd this week and dd proceeded to hit me on the leg and be about as obnoxious as she can be , hence me feeling absolutely useless whilst knowing ds is at school being wonderful and feeling so lucky

Daisybump · 26/04/2007 21:30

thomcat...I've been itching to say words to that effect myself. i personally love it when people tell me I'm lucky with my DS...gives me a warm fuzzy glow knowing that together we make a pretty decent team...

Take compliments for what they are and don't read too much into other peoples words...i'm sure your friend didn't think about it too much before she said it..

Hillls · 26/04/2007 21:31

I hate it too, people say it to me all the time, my dd walked in front of someone in M&S today she turned around and said "oh sorry" to them, the lady was so ataken back, it made me grin with pride.

Also my dd's can only eat in the M&S cafe as they cater extreamly well for their allergies, I am alway being complimented on their table manners.

It's very hard work but there is no need for bad manners, or badly behaved children unless they have a medical or learning problem.

ThomCat · 26/04/2007 21:32

My ' stop taking all the credit for your children's behaviour, they are their own people ' commet goes to all those who think's 'you're lucky to have well behaved children' comments is being unreasonable. It's NOT all YOUR hard work, you are just the bow, they are the arrows, some of their behaviour is up to them, go can only guide them the rest is up to them.

Hillls · 26/04/2007 21:33

A child will turn into whatever you teach them.

unknownrebelbang · 26/04/2007 21:35

I'm just glad I had DS1 first.........

LilyLoo · 26/04/2007 21:36

Hills completely disagree on so many levels, surely children can learn from their parents mistakes ?

ThomCat · 26/04/2007 21:37

You guide them. They have their own personalities. We all teach our children good manners I'm sure. Mine have great manners but are also strong willed. DD1 was showing her strong stubborn will at 9 months old fgs.
How do you expalin families that have children who are complete opposites.

I hate that some people are so up their own arses they want to take all the credit for their childrens good behaviour. When people say to me 'you've done a great job, she's lovley' I say 'hey she get's the credit for her loveliness, she makes being a mum easy'.

LilyLoo · 26/04/2007 21:38

Thom you are so right ,bristles at Hills comments.

ThomCat · 26/04/2007 21:38

I feel a nature or nuture debate coming on!

ThomCat · 26/04/2007 21:40

Thans lilylou, feel bristly myelf so nice to have you alongside me, feel calmer! TC x

Prunerli · 26/04/2007 21:40

There is something sinister about the idea that we turn them into exactly what we want them to be.

How many of us became what our parents taught us to be? I know I didn't.

Hillls · 26/04/2007 21:41

Blimey I've not come on here for an arguement! My dd's are stroppy little sods sometimes but I guide and teach them, I am proud of them when they are polite and well behaved... Jesus Get me off this thread.

Hillls · 26/04/2007 21:42

If my dd's want to be strippers or a lawyer I wouldn't care I wont have an unmannerly pup though.

ThomCat · 26/04/2007 21:43

Do you teach your child to have a tantrum? Did you show her to lie on the floor and cry if you took a pen out of her hand? Becaue I didn't. And DD1 didn't ever have a tantrum in her life and she's 5 now. DD2 had a mini tanru where she threw herself on the floor and cried by the time she was 1! . She's never seen anyone have a tantrum, where did she get that from.

DD1 slept through the night at 8 days old! Was that just me being bloody lucky or is that my wonderful parenting skills?

ThomCat · 26/04/2007 21:44

But going on what you have said so far Hills you must have taught them to be stroppy.

kittyhas6 · 26/04/2007 21:44

Wallace I agree with you, certainly on the bed front.

ThomCat · 26/04/2007 21:46

Nobody wants a bad mannered child. My eldest says excuse me, please, thank you, bless you, covers her mouth when she coughs, apologies when she's done something wrong and so on and so on. I taught her those things but I don't take all the credit for her being the person she is.

LilyLoo · 26/04/2007 21:49

Maybe you didn't come here to argue and all points of view are valid but i really cannot agree with the point that your dc's become what you teach them rather than their own perrsonality with your influence ?

Hillls · 26/04/2007 21:49

What are you on Tomcat?

A child is a child, we are here to guide them in the right way, I really dont get where you are coming from, you thik me as some sort of up my own arse parent but I am so not. You have read me totally wrong.

Of course I want my dd's to behave themselves and be polite etc doesnt everyone! I'm poroud of them when they are yes I am but I dont get narky if they are not they are children after all.

I guide them in life yes, dont swear, dont spit, stick your finger up your ass in public etc.

I hate this sort of pick you appart thread.

Hillls · 26/04/2007 21:51

My dd's have their own personallities alright! no doubt about that, why would I want them to be something they are not?

I was not saying that at all! They are who they are!

Pitchounette · 26/04/2007 21:53

Message withdrawn