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Original poster

To be annoyed when people tell me I am "lucky" that my children are well behaved?

136 replies

Wallace · 26/04/2007 20:19

This has happened a couple of times recently. A friend who struggles to get her 3 and 5 year olds in bed before 10pm told me that I am "so lucky" that mine (9months, 5 and 7) go to bed early. Err, no. That might be down to my bloody hard work and perserverence, wouldn't you think? Also her dh is always around for bedtime, and my dh is rarely here at bedtime so I do it singlehandly.

Now I know I sound smug (okay, I am smug), but why when children misbehave do people look on, tutting, blaming the parents. But when children are being good it is down to luck?

OP posts:
Prunerli · 26/04/2007 20:49

I'm fine, thanks. I just do particularly hate when threads like this get going and people who have got relatively compliant children get very very smug about other people's parenting. I mean, I know I do a good job in sometimes not very easy circumstances, I don't care what any of you personally think of me, it's the sweeping "they're saying it to make themselves feel better about their crap parenting" comments that trip off the tongue so glibly - have you any idea how hurtful that is, actually? I could easily have said what the op's friend said, and you could easily be thinking that about me, and even though I'd know it was crass and wrong, I'd still be hurt.

swifterella · 26/04/2007 20:49

you are a terrible mother

Original poster
Wallace · 26/04/2007 20:50

that's it staceym11. Some recognition!

OP posts:
swifterella · 26/04/2007 20:51

pruni my DS is so bloody un compliant its scary and my smug mates love it when he wacks me round the head when i say no to him (today for example) please let me besmug that he goes to bed at 7...please

staceym11 · 26/04/2007 20:51

but prunerli, we do recognise that you are a good parent too, because you care about how well you're doing etc. when you stop caring you'll be a bad parent!

Original poster
Wallace · 26/04/2007 20:54

Sorry Pruni, didn't mean to hurt you

When they are all teenagers you will probably be posting about your well behaved ds, looking down on me with my out of control hooligans

OP posts:
Original poster
Wallace · 26/04/2007 20:55

lol swifterella

OP posts:
Pitchounette · 26/04/2007 20:56

Message withdrawn

Lact8 · 26/04/2007 20:57

I agree with Pruni here, 2 of my DC would be classed as 'good' children, one would definately be judged as 'bad'. And is also the one who I have to try the hardest with and get the least response from in terms of my 'hard work'.

Original poster
Wallace · 26/04/2007 20:58

Well put.

And they do get up at 6:30

OP posts:
JustUsTwo · 26/04/2007 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Prunerli · 26/04/2007 21:00

lol swifterella, I did larf at your post coming directly after mine
Look I am not wounded (but thanks wallace) though obviously this does press some buttons with me. It's so easy to put a child's behaviour down to x,y,z and I know some parents don't 'do' boundaries, to their detriment. but please spare a thought for those of us who have high-octane kids who just don't comply, don't respond. It's a fine balance in our house between getting ds to behave acceptable and not turning into this.

TheWoman · 26/04/2007 21:00

DS1 - biddable, easy-going, head in the clouds, has a tendency towards laziness, has herds of friends.
DS2 - strong-willed, needs STRICT boundaries, works his socks off, finds it hard to fit in with his peers, has a heart of gold and a fantastic sense of humour.
One is easy to parent, the other is extremely hard work.
Does it mean I am a crap parent to one child, but can flollop around in a golden pool of smugness regarding the other?

PinkTulips · 26/04/2007 21:02

can see both sides of the arguement tbh

dd was nightmare for her first year and we had to fight tooth and nail to sort her sleeping. now she goes to bed easily and it's 'luck' apparently, not our hard work and sleepless nights!

ds on the other hand was always a bit easier and i do think we are quite lucky with him, but to the casual obsever there's no differance between the child we had to fight and the child who'd happy to go down at night (whether he stays down is another matter!)

i believe it is a mixture of luck and parenting that moulds a childs behaviour but even with the best parenting there are some kids who will just be that bit less well behaved.

you friend just sounds like the type who doesn't want to try and put the work in though and refuses to believe that to do so could make alot of differance

LilyLoo · 26/04/2007 21:02

Prun i understand completely. I do think all parenting is down to an element of luck. Two completely different dc's as mine r/e sleep same tactics worked with one didn't with other , surely there an element of luck in that. All children have different personalities some will be more comliant than others i think it's the 'smugness' that is irritating.

swifterella · 26/04/2007 21:02

only just realise that came directly after your post pruni

Prunerli · 26/04/2007 21:02

JustUsToo it got to me because I am exhausted.
I spend a good proportion of each day not enjoying being the kind of parent I have to be to just get anything done.

JustUsTwo · 26/04/2007 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pitchounette · 26/04/2007 21:04

Message withdrawn

staceym11 · 26/04/2007 21:06

well i had a lovely baby with dd and a horrible 2 yo, whereas ds is a horrible baby (well not horrible but an awful lot of hard work) can i have an easy 2yo please?

Original poster
Wallace · 26/04/2007 21:06

Where did you find that picture of me Pruni?

It can be a bit like that sometimes getting 3 kids ready and out the door...

OP posts:
mytwopenceworth · 26/04/2007 21:07

prunerli, i apologise for my flippant remark, although it wasnt directed at you (obviously since i dont know you!), but must smile at your "people who make these comments have compliant children" remark, since my 2 are autistic and life is indeed quite thrillingly challenging! they've been called a lot, but never compliant!

ThomCat · 26/04/2007 21:09

Yes you are being unresonable. you may work hard but you are still ucky that your kids do as they are told.

I work hard too, bloody hard but I have a DD with Sn's and both my girls are stubborn, strong willed children who know what they want and it's not always what I want. It's hard but I do my best.

So yes you're lucky. What the chuffing hell is wrong with being told you are lucky you have well behaved kids?

It's not all down to you you know. You actually shouldn't take all the credit for their good behaviour, they are their own people.

So take the compliment about your kids, which is what it is and stop trying to take all the credit.

Boco · 26/04/2007 21:11

I'd say you were being a bit unreasonable. My kids can be perfect one day, and demon children the next. I certainly don't take responsibility for every bit of behaviour. I'm lucky if they choose to be delightful, and unlucky if they don't, regardless of how hard i try to get it right.

I'm always pleased to get a compliment like that, it certainly wouldn't piss me off.

LilyLoo · 26/04/2007 21:11

Here Here Tom !