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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paid off mortgage

332 replies

iwant2know · 16/01/2018 13:39

DH and I paid off our mortgage in November last year. We love our house, it's the perfect size for us and our 2 DSSs so we don't plan to move again.

We hadn't told anyone because it's no one else's business and we didn't want to come across as smug or up ourselves.

My dsis was over this morning and was in when a delivery person came to the door with flowers. I took them off the delivery person and put them on the coffee table and went back to the door to sign for them.

By the time I turned round Dsis had opened the card, which was from our bank congratulating us on paying off the mortgage. I didn't know they did this sort of thing.

Dsis got really upset, saying we should have told her, we hide this from her etc. For background she is older and has just started her mortgage after buying a house last year. She left shortly after.

I have just got back from lunch with a friend who I mentioned Dsis reaction to. She thinks we we're wrong not to tell people. We have acted like we have something to hide. Apparently everyone announces paying off their mortgages. It's a social niceity.

Aibu to think there is no hard and fast rule about this sort of thing? And we haven't done anything wrong.

OP posts:
DagenhamRoundhouse · 17/01/2018 17:41

We got sod all from Natwest when we paid off our mortage!

DagenhamRoundhouse · 17/01/2018 17:42

Oh and BTW it's absolutely nobody's business but your own.

MonumentalAlabaster · 17/01/2018 17:48

Ana I had a very similar experience - when my sister discovered we had no mortgage she became really sour

Chugalug · 17/01/2018 17:53

How dare she open the card

timeisnotaline · 17/01/2018 17:54

It’s no ones business.

Flowerpot1234 · 17/01/2018 17:54

Announcement? No, people do not announce paying off their loans.

Well, maybe in some debt recovery support group, "I'm Flower and I've a mortgage", "I'm Flower and I've cleared my debt, woo-hoo!" kind of way, but not in polite society.

WorldWideWanderer · 17/01/2018 17:54

She got what she deserved by opening a card addressed to you...news that made her jealous.
Ignore her fuss but if she keeps on about it, tell her quite calmly that no, people don't broadcast their financial situations to all and sundry and, given her reaction, you can see why. She has no right to know anything about your mortgage and what's more, she was extremely rude to open something addressed to yourself and can she not do that again....

Thebluedog · 17/01/2018 17:56

Firstly I’d have gone bonkers at my ds first r opening the card and secondly it’s no ones business except yours

TheMadGardener · 17/01/2018 17:58

We paid off our mortgage in 2016. Didn't get a card or flowers from Nationwide! We didn't feel the need to tell everyone although we mentioned it to a few people in passing.

Your sister sounds jealous. She was also cheeky to open a card addressed to you.

dementedmummy · 17/01/2018 18:01

First of all, congratulations on paying of your mortgage. No mean feat in this day and age!

What you tell people about your finances is entirely your own affair. It is a damned if you do and damned if you dont situation. If you say you've paid off your mortgage, some will be chuffed for you, others will consider you to be a show off. Personally, those that cant be happy for a family member or friend who has not only managed to stay financially afloat in these challenging economic times but who have also managed to cut off the largest noose around most folks necks should be consigned to the dump heap! You do not need that negativity in your life x

callmeadoctor · 17/01/2018 18:01

I got flowers when I bought a new car once, that was nice Grin

altiara · 17/01/2018 18:03

It’s definitely not a thing!
I’d say probably ok to discuss with close friends/family in a similar situation (but you don’t always know) but otherwise you look like you’re boasting.

Mammylamb · 17/01/2018 18:04

Yanbu. It is no one else’s business. I really don’t understand anyone being so nosey to someone else’s life. Honestly, you are best not telling folk as I bet they will make snide remarks and perhaps expect money from you. Well done OP!

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 17/01/2018 18:05

I've only told my friends that clearly don't have mortgages themselves. It's a big event, but vulgar to broadcast. I think your DSiS and friend actually got it the wrong way round!

ParadiseCity · 17/01/2018 18:08

Congratulations! My friend swore me to secrecy when she paid hers off, because not everyone is in same boat. No flowers but I did take a photo of her clicking her mouse when making final payment Grin

We have ages to go, but I still know we are lucky to have one at all. (Thanks Northern Rock)

ProfYaffle · 17/01/2018 18:09

Confused we're quite open about having paid off our mortgage but the circumstances were unusual so it comes up in conversation more often. We didn't make a big announcement about it. Didn't get flowers off the bank either!

BritInUS1 · 17/01/2018 18:10

We paid ours off years ago and haven't told anybody, why is it anybody else's business !

Beezley · 17/01/2018 18:13

Congrats for paying off your mortgage and it's no one else's business don't let it worry you.

Pals87 · 17/01/2018 18:13

I chuckled .. your Sis secretly compares your financial wealth with hers, so couldn’t take the news well hence left, otherwise there is no social obligation.

Congrats BTW

Katherine2626 · 17/01/2018 18:14

What is she talking about? Does she post all her direct debits on Facebook or send friends copies of her credit card bill? I have never, ever heard of people announcing that they have paid off their mortgage; in today's world where some poor individuals have a mortgage of thirty five years and more it would be a bit insensitive and perhaps look like showing off. She should be apologising for opening your personal card, and for demonstrating how jealous and childish she is.

BarbaraofSevillle · 17/01/2018 18:14

Im not sure paying off a mortgage is always that much of a feat. We would have paid ours off if it wasn't for a failed business and some poor financial decisions about 15 years ago.

We bought our first house 20 years ago and moved 10 years ago, but our second house only cost £15k more than what we sold our first, for. Our mortgage payment without a load of debt that's added in would be about £250 pm.

As it stands, its about £370 and the interest rate is tiny so we're not in a rush to pay it off. We could pay most of it off with savings but the interest on the savings is higher, so no point currently. It's certainly not the huge financial burden that we're desperately waiting for the end of like some people.

marymoosmum · 17/01/2018 18:23

Talking about social niceties, it isn't nice to open someone else post, it is actually illegal. It is nobody else's business if you have paid your mortgage off or not, it is between you, your DH and you bank. Tell them to do one and tell your sister to get some boundaries.

Turquoise123 · 17/01/2018 18:24

What a strange person to open your card and then to start talking about your private business.

There is no social nicety in this area - I am old enough that most of my friends will have paid off their mortgages. No one has ever mentioned anything in connection with paying them off.

There's more to this than they are saying - keep your distance it does not smell right..

jayne1976 · 17/01/2018 18:24

Rude of her to open your card!

Never heard of such thing as social niceties in announcing your financial position to the world! You would have been accused of boasting / being insensitive - utter crap from both of them

CharizMa · 17/01/2018 18:29

wow, she's cross that you didn't want to rub her nose in it!?

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