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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paid off mortgage

332 replies

iwant2know · 16/01/2018 13:39

DH and I paid off our mortgage in November last year. We love our house, it's the perfect size for us and our 2 DSSs so we don't plan to move again.

We hadn't told anyone because it's no one else's business and we didn't want to come across as smug or up ourselves.

My dsis was over this morning and was in when a delivery person came to the door with flowers. I took them off the delivery person and put them on the coffee table and went back to the door to sign for them.

By the time I turned round Dsis had opened the card, which was from our bank congratulating us on paying off the mortgage. I didn't know they did this sort of thing.

Dsis got really upset, saying we should have told her, we hide this from her etc. For background she is older and has just started her mortgage after buying a house last year. She left shortly after.

I have just got back from lunch with a friend who I mentioned Dsis reaction to. She thinks we we're wrong not to tell people. We have acted like we have something to hide. Apparently everyone announces paying off their mortgages. It's a social niceity.

Aibu to think there is no hard and fast rule about this sort of thing? And we haven't done anything wrong.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 16/01/2018 13:56

Never heard of anyone 'announcing' they've paid off their mortgage - and never hear of receiving flowers from the Bank when it's paid off, should I mention it to our Bank and ask for a 'backdated' bouquet Grin.

If someone asked me outright if I had a mortgage I would tell them it's been paid off but I can't imagine any of my family or friends being so nosey, or even interested. Confused.

Grilledaubergines · 16/01/2018 13:56

Congratulations OP!

But of course yanbu!

She was so rude to open the card!

Buxtonstill · 16/01/2018 13:56

Ooh! Am I due a bunch of Daffs when we finish ours with Nat west shortly? I won’t be making any announcements, it is not any one else’s business. But it’s a bonus £500 that we can spend on House improvements/holidays.

Ragwort · 16/01/2018 13:57

Tweety - also with Nationwide, clearly their customer service doesn't extend to flowers Grin.

sotired2 · 16/01/2018 13:58

1stly I would be annoyed she had opened the card - what if you were having an affair and they were from OM!

2ndly I think it is rather crude to talk about money and paying mortgage off etc its your business no one else's. I will be younger than most of my peers when mine is paid off (and mine is lower than most my peers due to getting on property ladder earlier) but its not something I would discuss.

3rdly you can be made to feel guilty for her decisions in life which mean she was older when she got in the property ladder and hence will be older when she is mortgage free.

Topseyt · 16/01/2018 13:58

Your sister should absolutely NOT have opened your card. I trust you told her that in no uncertain terms. I certainly would have.

Also, it is nobody's business but yours whether you have paid off your mortgage or not. There is no etiquette dictating that you should make a big public announcement or anything like that.

Your friend and your sister have weird ideas.

HolyShet · 16/01/2018 14:01

WEIRD of Bank
OUT OF ORDER of Sister to open your post
BIZARRE of her to be upset that you didn't tell her something thats none of her business and that clearly hits a sore spot.

LolitaLempicka · 16/01/2018 14:01

Your friend thinks people announce it? Like a pregnancy? Fucking weird. I may mention it in relevant conversations, but would never announce it.

redexpat · 16/01/2018 14:02

They are both bonkers.

Congratulations Smile

Kahlua4me · 16/01/2018 14:03

We have paid our mortgage off but the bank didn’t send me any flowers!

I have told a few close friends, mainly due to the painful situation surrounding it, as we inherited the money when my lovely mum died. I certainly haven’t told many and don’t discuss it even when talking houses and moving etc. I try not to think about it.

It is nobody business apart from yours.

GrumpyGrey · 16/01/2018 14:03

Why is a financial position (a loan) anyone else's business...

Bizarre reaction

Aspatria · 16/01/2018 14:03

absolutely ridiculous, your private business is just that.. private.

I do know a couple of people who threw a big (family) party to celebrate the end of their mortgage, which was a happy event for everybody and quite sweet. I am sure that many more will keep very quiet!

I wouldn't discuss my finance with anyone, people can guess the price of our house -not exactly rocket science nowadays - but not our mortgage. If you decide to remortgage to free some money, you don't have to advertise it either.

Papergirl1968 · 16/01/2018 14:03

No flowers from Nationwide here too - not fair!
Congrats though, op, it’s a great feeling and I wouldn’t worry about other people’s petty jealousies.

VinnyTheVagina · 16/01/2018 14:03

Social nicety? Utter bollocks. Never heard of it! Curiosity got the cat
Nosy cow.

Tweety2067 · 16/01/2018 14:04

I didn't announce it as such but one of my close friends asked me a year or so later what our monthly payment was so I was truthful and said it was paid off. Was a bit awkward as she's in renting hell with no chance of getting on the property ladder. But she didn't throw a paddy over it!

@Ragwort I'll send you some flowers if you send me some!

Hissy · 16/01/2018 14:04

God, people are REALLY weird!

Your sister opened the card? outrageous!!
Your sister then got UPSET? shes a fucking loon!

It's a great achievement love, but absolutely nobody's business but yours. Don't even think for a second that you are unreasonable.

BerkInBag · 16/01/2018 14:04

I am mightily impressed that the Bank sent you flowers. When we redeemed our mortgage all we got was a copy of the updated deeds.

Your sister and friend are being very unreasonable.

RhiannonOHara · 16/01/2018 14:04

What nonsense. 'It's a social niceity.' Hmm I've never heard such a thing.

I'd have a proper go at your sister for opening the card. How fucking rude.

Basically they both need to get lives if they've got so much time to spend getting annoyed about other people's decisions re their mortgages.

BubblesBubblesBubbles · 16/01/2018 14:05

That’s an odd reaction from your sister.

We are just taking out a new bigger mortgage - shall I have a big announcement with flowers and champagne?? No it’s bloody personal.

(Obviously I will be overpaying to get it paid off quicker)

Well done on paying it off! Ignore your sister it’s none of her bloody business.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 16/01/2018 14:06

Your sister and friend are strange for saying that. I cannot imagine why you would randomly tell anyone either. Your sister opened your card too, that is something that she should not have done.

Hippydippydoo · 16/01/2018 14:07

Absolutely nobody elses business but yours. Your sister and friend are very weird.

lidoshuffle · 16/01/2018 14:08

Maybe we should have "reveal" events, with a big cake to cut open to reveal how much we'll be saving each month. It could be quite a thing like baby showers Grin

HouseworkIsASin10 · 16/01/2018 14:08

OMG it's nobody else's business about your own finances!!

Your friend's a nosey fucker aswell.

If your sister says anything else, tell her to get a grip, stupid mare.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 16/01/2018 14:08

They are both nuts, although I would think your sister was mainly upset to realise that you are now mortgage free while she will be paying for decades (only human).

WELL DONE are the words they were looking for.

TerracottaAmy · 16/01/2018 14:08

Apparently everyone announces paying off their mortgages. It's a social niceity

err.... no it's not - we paid ours off some years ago and then added some more to build an extension - we are on the home stretch now and nearly paid up again. I won't be telling anyone!

Agree with PP about opening card - how dare she?