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AIBU?

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Original poster

Paid off mortgage

332 replies

iwant2know · 16/01/2018 13:39

DH and I paid off our mortgage in November last year. We love our house, it's the perfect size for us and our 2 DSSs so we don't plan to move again.

We hadn't told anyone because it's no one else's business and we didn't want to come across as smug or up ourselves.

My dsis was over this morning and was in when a delivery person came to the door with flowers. I took them off the delivery person and put them on the coffee table and went back to the door to sign for them.

By the time I turned round Dsis had opened the card, which was from our bank congratulating us on paying off the mortgage. I didn't know they did this sort of thing.

Dsis got really upset, saying we should have told her, we hide this from her etc. For background she is older and has just started her mortgage after buying a house last year. She left shortly after.

I have just got back from lunch with a friend who I mentioned Dsis reaction to. She thinks we we're wrong not to tell people. We have acted like we have something to hide. Apparently everyone announces paying off their mortgages. It's a social niceity.

Aibu to think there is no hard and fast rule about this sort of thing? And we haven't done anything wrong.

OP posts:
Iprefercoffeetotea · 17/01/2018 08:29

I agree with the previous post, I think it depends on context. For example, you might change your job and take an obviously less well paid role - and someone might ask you how you could afford it. In that context you might say you'd paid off the mortgage so could earn less.

But not just announcing it to people.

I always felt that I would have a lot more freedom when my mortgage was paid off, so it was a weight off my shoulders and DH and I did have a bottle of champagne! But only us.

WFPB · 17/01/2018 08:57

YANBU - we didn't announce it either and we don't go round telling people how much we earn either.

A couple of our neighbours have made a point of telling us that their mortgage is paid for (at the time implying that our new extension/kitchen was adding to our mortgage and they waited because they are so much more sensible than us). The difference is they are in their mid-fifties and we are in our early forties. I had to bite my tongue until one of them made a comment along the same lines the third time...I let it slip we hadn't had a mortgage for several years. The reaction wasn't a happy one for us - it was veiled annoyance - blank face and then left.

All relative anyway, we could get a mortgage (on paper at least) for more than our current house is worth so I don't think we have been particularly savvy at all - we just didn't move up the property ladder even when we could easily afford to do so. I felt that announcing we had paid off our mortgage (relatively early) would be like announcing our income rather than the result of being frugal for many years.

Your sister really shouldn't have opened that card...

Sparklesocks · 17/01/2018 08:59

Any chance they are jealous and masking that as taking it out on you?

Andrewofgg · 17/01/2018 09:03

It's a wonderful moment and it's a pity anyone spoilt it for you.

8misskitty8 · 17/01/2018 09:20

We paid our mortgage of 7 years ago due to an insurance pay out. Our parents knew and then Dh told his friend. His wife made a few snide comments about it.

Our insurance pay out was due to me having a large cancerous tumour and our life/critical illness insurance covered it. She knew about all the operations and treatment I had. Plus the long term issues it could cause due to the medication i’m now on for life. Didn’t stop her telling me how it was ‘an easy way to make money’.

We only had a small house and our options were to stay in it or move to a larger house for more space and it meant our children had their own room. We decided to move but since we put most of the sale price of The house down as a deposit our mortgage is only a 40% one.
DH’s friends wife wasn’t happy about that either.

It’s jealousy op from your sister. As well as her being a nosy cow.

ButchyRestingFace · 17/01/2018 09:24

Didn’t stop her telling me how it was ‘an easy way to make money’.

Yes, developing a life threatening illness is an old and well known ploy to “rich up”.

Hopefully your DH isn’t friends with this bloke any more and his wife is gone from your life?

AnaViaSalamanca · 17/01/2018 09:24

YANBU. I don't want to discuss mortgage, rent, prices, etc at all but people seem to love to compare and brag.

Similar story, we bought our house some years ago with some bonuses and savings. I have never had a mortgage so no idea about how it works when people discuss it. When a friend was asking about my interest I innocently mentioned that we have none. She at first though we rent and went on and on about why people live lavishly and pay so much rent and we should really try and put together a deposit with our well paying jobs, then I finally said we don't rent the place she went extremely snarky and demanded why I hadn't told her, and then went and told a whole lot of mutual friends and people that I barely know.

She still brings it up in sarcastic comments and alludes to it any chance she gets (doing a stupid impression of me too, prancing and saying "Oh I am so rich, oh I don't know what a mortgage is.") It has brought me to the verge of tears on occasion. I hate hate hate it!

ChasedByBees · 17/01/2018 09:24

Why would anyone announce this? It would be boasting surely? Outrageous that she opened your mail.

ChasedByBees · 17/01/2018 09:25

Ana, that’s not a friend.

NotAnotherUserName5 · 17/01/2018 09:29

8misskitty8-wow, what a bitch!!

Hope you are feeling better now, and have gone NC with her. Flowers

Jamiefraserskilt · 17/01/2018 09:30
  1. She was bang out of order opening the card
  2. Your finances and absolutely none of her business.
  3. If you were to declare your mortgage was done, would that have prompted veiled digs and an accusation of boasting?

You should be upset with her not the other way around. She poked her nose in where it was not welcome and had the cheek to get the hump about what she discovered.

franktheskank · 17/01/2018 09:45

I've never had a mortgage and bought my house outright from my divorce payout, so I didn't even know this was a thing. I always rented before then. I just assumed most people don't pay off their mortgage til they're really old, I would never have bothered buying a house unless I could've bought it with no mortgage and luckily I was in the position to do that!

RhiannonOHara · 17/01/2018 10:56

Ana, why do you still have this twat in your life?

Paleshelter · 17/01/2018 11:00

Absolutely no one else's business! I would have been furious at he opening the card as well. If I ever pay off my mortgage (whenever that will be) I won't be telling anyone!

Birdsgottafly · 17/01/2018 11:15

I don't see the point of announcing it, tbh.

I'm 50 and looking to get a 30K Mortgage on my house to put a new extension/kitchen/bathroom in. I know a lot of 50 somethings that are doing the same, or getting a secured loan, some to give their children house deposits, which was why a lot of banks started the schemes they did, for Parents to use their house to help Adult children to buy.

Likewise when your children leave home don't count your chickens, a lot are boomerangs these days.

liquidrevolution · 17/01/2018 11:43

10 years left on ours. Was 20 but we just paid a series of lumps sum overpayments and we reduced the term when we refixed. Not bad considering we only bought 8 years ago Grin.

But it is no ones bloody business. I certainly won't announce it although I expect DH will as he is a sucker for posting everything on facebook Hmm.

MorrisZapp · 17/01/2018 12:50

Obviously she's a twat, but I'm not sure about all this 'my friends don't know if I'm renting or not' business. I'm assuming these aren't old or close friends?

My school gate acquaintances don't know my financial position but my friends and family certainly do. They were there when I bought my flat, got my job, got a promotion etc.

Likewise I was there and know about them too. I've got two years left on my mortgage and my best friends know about it as I often discuss my plans for the future with them.

Trinity66 · 17/01/2018 12:52

I've never in my life heard that a person has to make an announcement when they clear their mortgage, how odd

kath6144 · 17/01/2018 13:16

Ana - as others have said, why is that person still in your life? But also, why when she asked about interest rates didn't you just fake it?

That's what we have done over the years. We married in early 30s, both having bought in early 20s, and our joint house, bought just after marrying, was mortgage free. We have never told anyone. We could have moved up the ladder, but our house was in a good location, cul de sac, near schools, so we extended instead. And have a large investment portfolio that we can use to retire at 60, hopefully.

We have a friend who is obsessed with talking money. He took over the family business a while go, extended then merged it, so he has (on paper at least!) more money than all mutual friends. Up to a year or 2 ago he always wanted to discuss mortgage rates - we just used to agree with what he said "yes, ours is around that rate too"

He has switched to talking pensions, so I guess no mortgage now!! We are all 50 upwards, good jobs, so I suspect most mortgages are paid off, but only one lady in the group of 5 couples has admitted it.

I was brought up never to talk about finances, so would never discuss our lack of a mortgage unless it was in context, or to someone else I knew was also mortgage free.

Similarly, my DC have an inheritance which will allow them to buy young, maybe even mortgage free if we give them some money too, but we have never discussed the inheritance with anyone, other than family members who also inherited, and have advised the DC not to discuss it too.

RhiannonOHara · 17/01/2018 13:21

But also, why when she asked about interest rates didn't you just fake it

Why should anyone have to 'fake it' to a friend? I can't think of a single person I'd call a friend who would snark or mock if I told them I had no mortgage (NB hypothetical: I very much DO have a mortgage...)

If a person I called a friend DID snark or mock me about my mortgage or other finances, I'd pull them up on it sharpish.

juliesaway · 17/01/2018 13:29

No one announces they’ve paid off their mortgage. What a boring topic of conversation. Who’d be interested?

thenightsky · 17/01/2018 13:32

We never got flowers from the Halifax, mean bastards! Angry

(misses point of thread)

GladAllOver · 17/01/2018 13:39

Bloody cheek of your sister to open your card.
I'll bet if you had told her you'd paid it off she would have accused you of boasting!

xmb53 · 17/01/2018 17:26

We've paid ours off and never told anyone. No reason to and it could be seen as showing off.

REBECCAB123 · 17/01/2018 17:39

I dream of the day of paying off the mortgage,hope I'm not too old and decrepid to appreciate it.That is fantastic news but I would keep it to yourselves.

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