To ask how you would feel if your adult child decided to emigrate to Oz or NZ

[CaraBosse1]

Be honest and don't say you'd be "cool" about it if you wouldn't really

I suppose I get it as I travelled myself, hence having a Dd16 who is half Australian.
I live solely on benefits due to health issues, but, I'm single and can possibly travel at the drop of a hat on whichever airline is cheapest so would hopefully get to visit.

My sister emigrated 12 years ago and it honestly broke my Mums heart (and mine)

We did the moving. Not as far as NZ/Australia but essentially a days expensive travel and a big time difference too. Parents were sad but supportive, I think they all hoped we'd come back, but it's been almost 10 years now and we will most likely stay for good. I don't think it's affected my relationship with my adult family members as we talk often, but it's very different for the children. Visits are not that often because of the cost and time. We've been back a fair few times, but then that becomes the holiday of the year, likewise with my parents and siblings, we've probably had on average a visitor a year or visited ourselves. No Christmas all together since we left. I love my family so it's a sacrifice all round. Not something I regret but it isn't a small loss for any of us.

Time difference is difficult, I know this from my own time travelling but at least with FB/Instagram you can have an insight into each other's daily lives if you update regularly.
Dd might not go, but I'm kinda preparing myself for it as I know it's a likely possibility.

No idea really as he's still so little but TBH unless your relationship is toxic I think it's incredibly selfish to leave your elderly parents behind. Ok when they're in good health/still young.

For me though I know my mum won't be around forever and I don't want to waste time I could have spent with her thousands of miles away.

I’m a NZer, lived in the UK where DD7 was born. Now back in NZ.

My parents lived in the UK in their 20s.

It’s more normal I think in NZ and Australia to live in another country. It’s seen as an opportunity. A lot of people come back though. Nothing is ever permanent.

If you do acquire a DIL or SIL from NZ or Australia please try to not see them as what is keeping your DS or DD away from you. That’s not healthy and causes resentment. I’ve seen that more than once.

As DD is a dual citizen I assume she will not spend her life living in another country whether it is the UK, Australia or somewhere else. She already loves to travel!

I would be devastated but would have to cope

Devastated but proud of the wings I’ve given them to fly, and I would down size and use the money to visit.

Ihavebrillohair I just read your post twice as a casual reference to the fact you have travelled through time... :o

I hate the undercurrent of ownership and emotional blackmail in some posts. Children shouldn't have to shrink their horizons and live less because their parents put their emotional neediness before their children's chance to live life to the fullest.

Unless moving to Australia will actually leave elderly parents in the gutter (which so far it won't in the UK) it's only exactly as selfish for an adult child to move to Australia as for us as parents it is to emotionally blackmail our children not to move away. As parents we don't get to be the selfish ones - we chose to have children, but we don't own them and they don't owe us.

bonkers
Exactly so...........

I'd be heartbroken that they'd be so far away. But, it's their life and they must live it the best they can and I want them to be happy. I got married and moved from Scotland to America, and there's a pretty good chance that within the next 2/3 years I will be living in a different country to my kids, I'm already dreading it.

It’s perhaps a bit off topic but what is irritating is when someone chooses to emigrate and then tries to guilt trip you to move as well. My Mum had some relatives who moved to Australia and they kept telling her that we would much prefer the life out there and should move as well. If someone chooses to move away that is up to them but it feels quite off that they think everyone should do the same.

Although, to be fair, that is true of people who move to Cornwall / Scotland / the Home Counties / anywhere that is a reasonable distance away.

I would be really upset, but I would not tell them. I would smile and wish them luck, if they felt their life would be better in another country they have to try it, what they want is more important than mine, and I have no right to try to emotionally blackmail them to stay.

posted to soon, a big part of my sadness would be that my current situation means I would not be able to visit more than once every 3-4 years, and thats not often enough. A very good friend went about over about 35 years ago they couldnt afford to come back for 15 years, at least now it is easier to stay in touch

Horrid, devastated, depressed, gutted, mournful, you name it.

But if that's what they want!!

it's only exactly as selfish for an adult child to move to Australia as for us as parents it is to emotionally blackmail our children not to move away.

My mum wouldn't emotionally blackmail me. She wouldn't say a thing.

It would still be selfish.

I would be really delighted for them getting away from the UK. I am planning to move to Australia myself in a few years as I have family there.

I have siblings/nieces/nephews scattered across the world and we all still meet up when we can. Life is for living, not just staying in the same little corner of this lovely planet that you happened to be born in.

Mine are spread out all across the world right now. I'm thrilled for them.

Sad for me, but excited for her. She knows she can, I've always told her she should when she's grown up if she wants, I would have loved to move abroad. Thought of future gc doesn't bother me in the slightest, but I'd miss dd like crazy.

Heartbroken, utterly.

One of my sons married an American and they live in the States, where they are most likely to settle long term. Another lives and works in China and is about to marry a Chinese girl. They would like to settle long term in NZ but may well settle in China as she is an only child and doesn’t want to leave her parents with no close family in China. We have two other sons, one of whom is dating a Scandinavian but the other has an English partner and they plan to marry. They are most likely to stay in the UK but he has a strong travel bug so I wouldn’t rule out emigration at some point. How do we feel? Since they went away to Uni we’ve got used to them not being close by and I think the relationship with sons is never as close as with daughters. Generalising terribly of course, but that’s my experience. At the moment we get to have some great holidays and it’s lovely on the rare occasions they come home but we won’t always be able to travel long haul and we shall never have close contact with our grandchildren. But as the saying goes, your children are only lent to you...

If I had emigrated like my sibling our elderly frail mother would now be totally alone. No other living relatives.

Very sad.

Delighted.

I don’t want them to be unhappy.

I can’t see it bothering me immensely. Life isn’t all about children.

For a couple of years, would be thrilled for them.

Permanently - I'd be very upset if it was as far as Australia/NZ. Would prefer to have them living closer - ideally in the same country.

Obviously it would be their decision and I would not emotionally blackmail etc. As a pp said I would smile and wish them luck.

I did emigrate and it did affect my parents and siblings a lot - no two ways about it. It also affected my own life and I wouldn't particularly wish it for my children. It is all very well to say you meet for holidays and skype etc. Yes those holidays home were lovely but for about 10 years we never had a proper holiday - just trips home which isn't a holiday. Yes it is lovely having grandparents stay for a few weeks but it isn't the same as dropping into granny for a cup of tea, having grandad see the school concert. We gained some stuff but we lost a lot. When a cousin and her kids finally moved to our area, my dd said to me "at school on monday when we say what we did at the weekend, they all say "I met my cousins" and now I can say it too".

I couldn't have stayed here except my siblings picked up the slack once my parents got old and needed help. Well I could just have left them to it I suppose but who does that to lovely loving parents? It was horrible dealing with their final illnesses/frailties and deaths. Flying home to a parent's funeral is horrible. Saying goodbye to your widowed mother 4 days after the funeral is no laugh either.

Sorry to be doom and gloom. We have a lovely life. We chose to stay. It comes at a price.