To ask how you would feel if your adult child decided to emigrate to Oz or NZ

[CaraBosse1]

Be honest and don't say you'd be "cool" about it if you wouldn't really

Really sad, if it was just one. If it was both, we'd go too.

It's a possibility that at least one if not two of my children will emigrate. Much as I would miss them it's their lives and it's up to them what they do with it. The most likely is DS2 as his wife has a medical qualification which is well paid over there due to a global shortage in her speciality,and he's been offered a place on an MSc at a university over there. They've said that if they do emigrate they'll pay for us to visit once a year

Id be proud of them but at he same time I'd be absolutely gutted. I'd do my best to hide how upset I was though, as I truly want them to believe they have the freedom to spread their wings. I'd be very tempted to follow them out there, but that would mean leaving my other child and my parents and friends. I'd be saving up for lots of holidays!

Gutted out totally

About one quarter proud to have raised an independent adventurer and three quarters utterly devastated, but I couldn’t stand in the way of what DD wanted, be that a life in Australia or moving in with someone I didn’t like etc. You parent them as well as you can to help them make the right decisions, but who here has never made a mistake?

Absolute gutted but would try to hide it from them.
I would obviously wish them well and start saving up for a visit 😎

Heartbroken.

I along with my spouse moved to the uk. We had the opportunity to move back but one of the reasons we didn't is so our children wouldn't need to emigrate for economic reasons.

I would seriously be devastated.

Fantastic, I positively encourage it and I'd go with them.

@fionne what's lovely MIL you sound, that brought a wee tear to my eye. I'd love to have such support in my life

Why would so many of you hide your sadness.

Couldn't you discuss your feelings with them, they are adults after all.

I would be fine with it. Parents being overly attached to their adult children is weird. Sorry. I would be devastated if my 5 year old lived on the other side of the world to me, but my 35 year old? That's up to them. I'd miss them and re-evaluate all of my spending to be able to afford to visit them once a year at least. I'd Skype them frequently. It'd be okay.

Between my siblings, parents, PIL, SIL and cousins; they're all over Europe and the Americas, plus two in Asia (we moved a lot as children with my parents work so somewhere different feels like home to all of us). It takes getting used to, but if communication is good it doesn't feel so different. Skype is good. So is WhatsApp. So are phonecalls, letters, parcels and visits.

Quality of life in Australia and NZ is much better, so I would be happy for them.

But I am Australian, so it would be a theoretical "other way round". If they chose to move to the UK, so be it. I'd visit as often as was feasible.

I’d be gutted but excited for them. In no way would I ever let him know. We would likely follow there was a thread on here the other day about what’s good about having one child.i can add this to this list we would never be pulled between going with one child and leaving the other😁

My oldest went 5 years ago. He didn't tell us until 3 weeks before going because he thought we would try and stop him. DH was devastated and I was upset but understood why he wanted to go.

He's been, had fun, explored all over the place, visited extended family he hadn't seen before and now he's saving up to come back to the uk because he feels he has done everything he wanted to do.

Its been very difficult for everyone here in the uk because we haven't seen him. But he has experienced amazing things that have helped him mature and make really important life choices about his future. Even our 2nd has gone initially for a short holiday but hasn't yet returned and is considering staying a bit longer with my Grandparents in nz.

Its difficult for everyone but much harder if you don't feel you can support their choices.

Parents being overly attached to their adult children is weird

Do you have adult children?

Why would so many of you hide your sadness.

Because on MN parents aren't allowed to have any feelings at all or it's emotional blackmail.

It is selfish to suggest that it’s selfish to emigrate away from parents. We don’t bring up children to be there for us, we bring them up to hopefully let them go out into the world and build their own lives. And what about an alternative scenario? Plenty of older people retire to warmer climates e.g. spain and other countries for instance. Should they feel obliged to stick around for their (now adult) children?

I would be utterly devastated, and tell them that I think they are completely selfish.

I’d constantly remind them how far away it is, and how the time difference can really affect communication between the UK and there, and that no amount of FaceTime can replace a hug or kiss.

I would also ask if they plan on having children in the future, and if they think it’s fair on the grandparents or the children to grow up not knowing each other.

I would do everything I could to stick the knife in and make them feel as horrendous as I’d be feeling at their decision.

I really feel for you, and I hope you can do everything in your power to try and reverse their decision.

We don’t bring up children to be there for us, we bring them up to hopefully let them go out into the world and build their own lives

I do have my own life. Doesn't mean I'd feel it was in any way ok to leave my elderly mother behind without any other family.

Argeles All I can say is that I pity your children.

I mean no wonder care of the elderly is in such an awful state in this country when children clearly feel no obligation whatsoever to their parents in old age.

My dd went to Australia two years ago, we all thought she would come back after six months but her boyfriend moved over there and he was able to get them a visa to stay
It's such a mix of emotions, they love it there so of course we are happy for them but heartbroken too.
She doesn't really know her baby niece, we FaceTime and call her auntie but it's not the same.
I had to start taking antidepressants last year as she was due to visit and I couldn't bear the thought of her leaving again.
I moved away when I was young and my dm made me feel so guilty that I keep my thoughts to myself when I talk to her.
They haven't done anything wrong, it's their lives and we just have to deal with it.
Sorry for the essay

The shit tip that is social care and the NHS is not the fault of emigrees. It’s the fault of succcessive governments fucking it up in spectacular fashion.

My children get to live their lives as they please, I’ll not expect them to curtail their lives to look after me when I’m broken.

I do have my own life. Doesn't mean I'd feel it was in any way ok to leave my elderly mother behind without any other family.

Exactly.

My sister emigrated many years ago. Our mother has met her grandchildren twice in 30 years and has great grandchildren she will never meet.
If I left out 84 year old mother would have not a single relative near her.

Beyond cruel.

Argeles post sums up, I think, why so many would try to show a happy face to their kids. I hope I would if mine decided to do what I’ve done - how could I not? I know my parents would be overjoyed if we moved back to Australia. But they would also worry if it was the best thing for us. Because ultimately, their priority when it comes to their kids is what’s best for their kids, not how their kids can behave in a way that’s best for them as parents. It’s a value I appreciate and I hope to carry on when my kids are adults - to support them in the decisions they believe will give them and their own families the best chance.

I hope I wouldn’t be so selfish as to ask either of my boys to settle for a life they don’t really want for my benefit.

I imagine, Pecan, that you also object to adult children living more than an easy commute from their parents?