To ask how you would feel if your adult child decided to emigrate to Oz or NZ

[CaraBosse1]

Be honest and don't say you'd be "cool" about it if you wouldn't really

A violent act?! The final farewell?

It takes a day to get to London from NZ, there are dozens of flights leaving daily, it's hardly the Transportation.

I don't have kids but I think I'd be very sad. But of course would hide it and act excited for them.

It's way more complicated than just "a day's travel". It's 24 hours the in air from Sydney to London. Add on internal travel to get to those places, the horribly painful flight, jet leg, etc, and it's not something you would be doing often. And taking children on that flight! No thanks.

My dad is only 60 and in good health but already finds long haul flights too painful and difficult.

My mum on the other hand loves world travel, which is why I'm sure she wouldn't want to spend her one holiday every year going to the same place.

I'm from Australia but have family in the UK. For my wedding, we invited them but didn't expect them to make it. For two adults and three kids it would have cost near to $10 000.

A day? What flights are you getting?

Last flight I took London- Dubai, Dubai- Sydney, Sydney - Auckland, Auckland to local airport in NZ- it was nearly 48 hours in total and we are lucky to live within an hour of Heathrow.

Gennz18

Yes it was to be her final farewell, although she didn't know it.

As Thursdaydreaming said it is not so easy to travel home in a day.
Three flights to get from my sister's home to us in Scotland.
Money is tight for her- Australia can be expensive living.
Last minute flights home for emergencies are not cheap- throw a couple of young kids into the mix and no childcare or immediate family in Australia then the practicalities of getting home quickly for a funeral or emergency and make things nearly impossible.

@AccidentallyRunToWindsor
LHR -DXB 10 hrs
1hr 30 changeover
DXB - AKL 16 hrs

Done it about 20 times.

DH is that adult child. He had a great life in the UK and only left because of me.

I feel guilty about it, from the perspective of his ageing parents (who are lovely), but happy for our DC, who are having the sort of childhood we both had (sheltered, happy, social, idyllic, nature-filled, beach-based, etc).

However, I am very realistic that they may well end up going the other way as young adults, as so many young people in Australia and New Zealand do - to London, Europe, and increasingly other parts of the world.

That's almost certainly going to happen.

I'd love to live near them both and any DC they have, but most important is that they do what they need to do. That's easy to say and write; incredibly hard to live (as a parent), but I hope I can be as understanding and supportive as both my, and DH's, parents have always been. 💗

Done it about 20 times.

Nice that you have been able to afford that.

@speakout most of the time it has been for work purposes and they have paid.

Other times it's been around £800 return and we stay with friends and family so save money on accommodation. It's a annual holiday. That's how much most holidays cost. We make cutbacks in other areas to afford it. So what?

My DD moved to Oz 4 months ago. We message or face time several times a day. Very proud of her and will be visiting her next Xmas

happy for our DC, who are having the sort of childhood we both had (sheltered, happy, social, idyllic, nature-filled, beach-based, etc)

To be fair, you can get that in the UK. Our DD has all of those things - except the beach - which we visit for the occasional day and that's enough.

Nakedavenger74

I don't think your situation is usual though.

Not everyone who emigrates is lucky enough for a company to pay for flights.

(sheltered, happy, social, idyllic, nature-filled, beach-based, etc)

My kids have had all that in the UK.

Hawkes Bay to Auckland - 6 hours drive or 1 hour flight (family of 5, we used to drive)

Auckland to HK/Sing - 11 hours

Stopover - 2 hours

Flight to Heathrow - 12 hours

Travel to town our family live in from London - 3 hours

Cost? In excess of £8k

It’s not that easy, as I discovered when my mum was diagnosed with cancer and I had to plan a trip back from NZ to see her in a hurry.

I imagine, Pecan, that you also object to adult children living more than an easy commute from their parents?

Really? You don't see the difference between a few hours away and living on the other side of the world?

I don't feel obliged to "curtail" my life for my mother. I do so because I love her and I don't want to be so far away from her when she's old.

nakedavenger - you are right. Flying out has cost me less than some annual holidays elsewhere in Europe. Besides, if people want a change - families can agree to meet up halfway for a holiday. Living a distance across the UK can be just as difficult.
I’m very close in relationship terms to my family but have never lived near them physically - currently the nearest ones are an 8 hour drive across the UK (usually means an overnight stay somewhere half way.)
It’s all doable under normal circumstances with planning, saving, prioritising etc etc. Of course there are exceptions with illness or lack of money - but then that affects all areas of life and brings restrictions.

I don't feel obliged to "curtail" my life for my mother. I do so because I love her and I don't want to be so far away from her when she's old.

Well said pecan.

It's to do with humanity, and love of family.

Now my mum is terminally ill my sister is having to travel back once a year and even with planned flights it's expensive- she has to fly onwards from Auckland so it's not as easy as getting there and being done.

She's lucky in the sense her children are adults and they are pretty comfortable money wise so she can do it. If I had to get to NZ tomorrow urgently I don't know that I could and that worries me.

Our family emigrated to NZ and 7 years on I still feel guilty over how much our decision upset my DM. But it was the right decision for our family and I don't regret it. I think there's a strong chance that at least one of our children will end up living on the other side of the world when they grow up and I would never want to deny them that opportunity or make them feel guilty about their decision.

From another perspective I moved away from my home country almost 18 years ago. It was a fantastic educational opportunity and I never went back. Technology has become wonderful for staying in touch since. I talk to my parents everyday and we Facetine often. Both parents and in laws have. “Remotely” attended all special occasions and we fly to meet them once a year and they visit us often as well.

It is what you decide to make of it. I do miss having my family and a support system close by especially when DC arrived but where I
Live now is home.

We are a two-way immigrant family from Australia to England and back again.

It is very difficult when parents are elderly and frail or when things like migrating children with grandchildren then divorce and remarry ‘natives’ and can come home less often.

Anyone who says it isn’t is being naive. Yes, there are huge perks but saying goodbye to a parent with a terminal illness and knowing you almost certainly won’t be seeing them again is something that has affected one member of my family very deeply.

SpeakOut that's all well and good but when your children's lives and futures look much bleaker in the UK, why would anyone stop there opportunity because of their gran?

I want my family to have a chance at a brighter future. In the UK we had a council flat that was rotten to the core, a depressed area to live in and a failing secondary school.

We got a job offer in Australia thanks to friends...we took it knowing the money was more.

Sure enough, three years down the line and our children attend a private school and we are able to buy a property of our own next year.

My ex-Sil can no longer afford to fly back to the UK to see her daughter, my niece, who returned to England and now has huge mental health issues. She has a low-pay job and can’t afford flights to Australia herself. It is very sad for them both as they have made choices that have severely limited their ability to support one another.

To be fair, you can get that in the UK. Our DD has all of those things - except the beach - which we visit for the occasional day and that's enough.

Fair enough, I won't argue with you, although have lived in both places for many years apiece, and from my perspective, they are very different as places to raise children.

The downside very much is - that once they reach a certain age, the peaceful, sheltered serenity becomes very boring.

Ditto - 10 to Singapore, 1.5hr layover, 12 to Heathrow. Even shorter if you go via LA.

Have done it many times, with a toddler the last 2 times. This year doing it peak season with a toddler and a 3 month old baby, at a cost of NZ$5500 (so about 2500 quid for 4 of us). Yes expensive manageable if you book well in advance.

Of course it's hard if family live far away but it's not the end of the world. We spend more time with SIL and her family on holidays RTD that we did when we lived a 45 min tube ride apart in London.