To ask how you would feel if your adult child decided to emigrate to Oz or NZ

[CaraBosse1]

Be honest and don't say you'd be "cool" about it if you wouldn't really

I would be utterly devastated, and tell them that I think they are completely selfish
Jesus wept!! That is an awful, disgraceful response. What a selfish martyr parent!
How are they being selfish? Maybe seizing opportunities to have a potentially great life? To follow their dreams?
My SILemigrated about 18 years ago and is having a fabulous life. No wonder my DS is setting up his career to attempt to go and live there in the future.

To be honest I would be upset. However we did this and I'm sure my parents and in-laws were devastated although they didn't let it show. My eldest 2 boys were born in New Zealand and we came home when they were 2.5 and nine months partly because we wanted family support but also because I felt terribly guilty about them not seeing their grandchildren. I don't regret it at all as 3 out of the 4 grandparents have since died and I'm so glad they had those years seeing their grandchildren growing up.
My 2 eldest boys could potentially get NZ passports I think and I have said to them that I would encourage them to go there for a few years if they get the chance. However I have to admit I'd be devastated if they settled there and I hardly saw my grandchildren !

All these people who say, 'I/We'd go, too', are you wealthy or have Aus/NZ nationality or are you in a skills shortage profession?

I would be devastated I can’t pretend I wouldn’t be

But would try my best to hide how I felt and support him

He still talks about never leaving home

I have thought about this a bit before, as I know 3 or 4 women who have (adult) children who moved to Australia and NZ, and one woman who has TWO children who moved far away; one to Oz and one to Chile! I have no idea why, as neither of them has a spouse from those countries. They are British!

I would be gutted. I wouldn't say that to them, but I would be gutted. I am not getting any younger, and me and DH are not rich, so we would probably never be able to go and visit them, and would rarely get to see them. I would also be upset at the thought of my grandkids being 12,000 miles away and us not getting to know one another. As a number of posters have said, it is a VERY long way away, and visiting regularly is not on the cards for most people.

I have also seen several programmes where people move to Oz and NZ, and on many occasions, they regret it. And it's very hard to undo things once they have gone through with emigrating, and is especially hard if they have children who are born there, because it can cause problems if they want to return to the UK.

One story was about a woman who met an Australian man, moved to Oz, and got married to him, and had 2 kids with him. All within 3-4 years.

When the kids were 3 and 5, the marriage broke down, and she wanted to come back to the UK as she was very low and upset, and needed her family. But because the kids had been born in Oz, and their father was Australian, she had no right to take them to the UK. They were Australian, and the only way she could take them was if her husband gave his permission, and he said no.

So the only choices she had were to go back to the UK without her kids, OR stay in Australia. Awful really. I think she stayed in the end, but this was 4-5 years ago. I don't know what happened in the months/years afterwards.

Another thing is, I know a few people who were qualified as plumbers, and other tradesmen, and nurses and teachers, and so on. They moved to Oz, and had to retrain for all their rules and regulations and shit. Takes about an extra year, and you don't get paid while you're doing it. You also cannot work while you're doing it, as the training takes all your time.

So you literally need enough money to live on for a whole year; like 45-50 grand (GBP,) or so. And that's not including the moving costs and air fares etc, which can add another 10 grand on. And properties in decent parts of Oz cost a FORTUNE.

Me personally, there isn't enough money in the world that you could pay me to move to Oz. I think it's massively over-rated to be honest. I would visit, (if I got a free holiday,) but live there? No way. It's not even in my top 20 places I want to go to. It's too far away from the rest of the world, and it's too hot, and most of it is a dustbowl, and there are too many dangerous insects and snakes and suchlike, and it's expensive to live there.

Re the OP, fortunately, my 2 adult children never have any intention of leaving this country. Thank God.

A family member of mine did. To marry her boyfriend who was Aussie. Her mother moved there too. Does six months here and six there.

I made the move the opposite way and have been away pretty much all my adult life. I asked my parents what they thought and my mum said she was sad but was happy that I was happy in life. She also said it could be worse and I could be in jail

They now has grandkids over here and although it’s not the same technology plays large part in them being able to me meaningfully connected.

User- I am a Nurse and hit wasn't too bad sorting things out to work in New Zealand as a nurse - this was back in the late nineties though so things may have changed now. I just had to send transcripts of my UK nurse training to the new Zealand council of Nursing. I walked onto a ward there and asked for a job , didn't even have a proper interview ! Because we had gone there on my work visa though, my dp could not work there until we gained residency which took about 6 months. However once we got residency he found a job straight away. We were there for 4.5 years, bought our first house there, we have happy memories of that time but glad we came back when we did.

@Babyroobs that's fab, that you found it so easy. As you say though, it was over 2 decades ago, and is not so easy now. At all.

I think it's massively over-rated to be honest

Yet... you haven't actually been there.

All the people who go on those down under shows are always shocked at hte price of things there. Duh. They think they can flog their mid-terrace in the Midlands and buy a bungalow in Sydney.

user14916 - blimey! You sound so bitter. Life does have good aspects, you know? Just because it’s not for you, doesn’t mean it’s wrong for someone else.

all their rules and regulations and shit - I bet the Aussies are counting their lucky stars you don’t want to go there. Another country, another system, of course it takes a while to get established!

A Scottish friend and her Aussie husband moved back up here. She was sick of having to drive everywhere. Just as well, she got MS and now cannot drive .

'all their rules and regulations and shit'

You've obviously never had to try to move to the UK as a non-EU/EEA national . Contrary to what the Daily Heil reports, no country has open borders where anyone can just waltz right in. Duh.

It's too far away from the rest of the world, and it's too hot, and most of it is a dustbowl, and there are too many dangerous insects and snakes and suchlike, and it's expensive to live there.
Showing your ignorance and limited world view here, user .

User you've never visited but think it's overrated?

I wouldnt be surprised and wouls fully supportthen. But then ive just returned to my birth country after my parents moved me to theirs when I was a kid. I'd like it if my children wanted to see the world. There's so much I explore.

Hang on, all of you saying you would be devastated, what is the limit of adult children moving away?! My experience is there's little difference once it gets over a couple hundred miles.

As I said I see my parents more and have more quality time with them at 17,000 km away than 300 miles away.

Most people I know whose parents are NE England or Scotland and who live in London see their parents maybe 3 times a year tops for a few days at a time; usually sitting in the house. Those of us who are in NZ and Aus have them over for 3 or more weeks at a time, in summer, new places, new adventures.

Unless you see your kids and GC's every week theres not much difference.

I would be cool
Genuinely

My parents emigrated to the other side of the world, I emigrated back there. If my children emigrate again, I would be happy for them. It's part of my family narrative now and I would honestly just be happy they were making the effort to live their lives on their terms.

I'm from NZ and everyone I know moved to London when we were in our 20s, and many remained permanently - 3 of DH's best friends and his sister for starters.

It's really not that bad - we go back to the UK/Europe just about every year - the cost is not too bad if you plan for it/book early enough, and as Kiwis we are battled hardened when it comes to horrifically long flights.

I'd miss DC if they moved to the UK but I fully expect them to - it's completely standard for us and I'd be disappointed for them if they didn't. I'd use it as an excuse to arrange my life to spend the NZ winter in London. Best of both worlds.

Id be devastated and be sad for any chikdren that they had as they would get to know their grandparents , which I think is a terrible thing to do to a child.

I would not be able to visit as it's waaaay out if our or price league.
My neice has emigrated and her mother has been almost bankrupt trying to visit. She has ended up without her home to try and do so. It's a strain on her, yet her daughter doesn't see that.

We don't really bother talking to our children about a cousin they will never really see. There isn't any point.
It's fine if you have money to visit, but if you haven't, it gets difficult. Her mum doesn't have a house for them to visit here either now, so that's not a good solution.

I’m the child that moved to Australia. To be honest I never realised how upset my parents were when I moved. They put on a brave face and as I have 3 other siblings and numerous nieces/nephews I never thought I would be overly missed and I had lived a (short) flight away before.
But when I announced that I was settling here permanently I was shocked at how distraught my Mum was. I think she thought it was something she had done that had made me not want to go home and that wasn’t the case at all.

My parents were also going to move here when I was younger and were eventually guilted out of it by my Grandparents. It was incredibly selfish of them and not going is a huge regret of my parents.

My cousin also lives here and has done for a long time. Afew years ago his brother was killed in an accident and it was just horrific trying to arrange for him to get home, emergency passports for his kids etc.
He’s now making arrangements to move back as he realised the distance is just too much if something were to happen again.

That’s something that plays on my mind quite heavily.

My sister emigrated many years ago.

That final farewell was the last time she would see our father. He did live several more years but like in Australia was not quite the land of milk and honey she had hoped, money was tight, and it was 6 years before she could come to visit.
My parents were devastated when she left.

It was like a death.

They kept this from her of course, but I could see the true cost and heartache.

I still view it as a violent act.

And now our mother needs care and support. The burden has fallen to me. My sister has children and grandchildren now and can only afford to visit here once every 5 years.

Our mother cannot fly for medical reasons.

Heartbreaking really.