To be annoyed that no compassionate leave?

[crunchymint]

I am going to a funeral of a close friend and have to take annual leave.

Thatmakesmehappy, that's awful! I couldn't imagine asking for a copy. I definitely wouldn't work there.

Yeah I got caught out with this once. Went to a funeral and then was arguing with boss many months later why they were saying I had one less day’s holiday left than I thought and was reminded of the funeral!

I’m a student nurse. One of my parents died during my training and I have had to make up every single hour I was allowed to take as “compassionate leave”.

purplebunny Except you don't tend to find out these policies until someone has died

As a teacher I had to put in a formal leave of absence to attend my mother’s funeral. When 2 relatives died within a week of each other I was told I could only attend one funeral.Needless to say I did not go to either.

God some employers are awful.

Nothing wrong with the rules as they are counting immediate relatives only as standard,

Nominate 4?? When 1 dies do you get to re-use the slot?

It’s discretionary where I work. I had a half day allowed when a close friend died and a full day when my father in law died.

I am sorry to read of the OPs loss.

We all react differently to bereavement. Family ties vary greatly and probably more so than say fifty years ago when people often lived close to relatives, divorce rare, families without marriage and step-families not as common. There are also those who will work hard and make every effort to come into work when under the weather, and others who will be off at every little reason/excuse.

So harsh as it may seem in some situations, employers seem reasonable to have a consistent set of rules as to when a day's absence other than out of annual leave is granted. There may be some whose rules are miserly, but hopefully all are consistent.

A close friend to me is not the same as a close friend for others.

While the official line is -only for close family, most work places would give you time off for the funeral of a friend. I think it is a bit harsh to make you take it as Annual Leave. Sorry for your loss.

Our policy is immediate family 1 day, anyone else its up to manager which is quite inconsistent across the department. When i asked for a day for an aunt (was quite clearly upset about it) i was asked well was she close, i almost had a melt down because, yes she was close and i was devastated. Luckily my manager agreed to give me the day

I had to take annual leave for a grandparent (not immediate family apparently). I don’t work there anymore

My dad died today. I don't get any paid leave at all, neither will DH if he takes time off for the funeral.
Life truly stinks at times.

So sorry for your loss Maggie. I lost my Mum last year and it’s sucks.
Be kind to yourself x

I don't think you're being at all unreasonable. I can't believe how nasty people are being, or that "most employers do it" is being given as a justification for wanky behaviour - most employers pay women less than men, that doesn't make it ok.

Sadly not surprised by people's attitudes though. I'm self employed, a few years ago two of my family members died within a week of each other and I got accused of lying when I told a client I had another funeral to go to.

Having lost my Dad a few months ago, I have to say that reading this thread, I find the attitudes of some employers to bereavement absolutely disgusting.

When my Dad died, there was so much to do as well as looking after my Mum, and I was in such a state I can't imagine having to go in to work and focus during that period. Thankfully my employer was very understanding and supportive - I was given 2 weeks compassionate leave - no questions asked.

I then went back to work but shortly after I went back, it all caught up with me a bit (I'd done everything in terms of organising the funeral and dealing with stuff - so hadn't actually stopped to grieve) - I could feel it building up and I kept breaking down at work. I was numb and couldn't think straight even to do simple things. Eventually I had to admit defeat; my GP took one look at me and signed me off for 3 weeks which made the world of difference. Again, my employer was very supportive and understanding and it was no problem.

I can't imagine what I'd have done if I'd had some of the employers mentioned in this thread. Loss of someone close to you has a profound effect - physical as well as emotional. I do think generally that compassionate leave in this country needs to be looked at and better provisions put in place.

Maggie sending you a massive hug.
I lost my dad just before Christmas and had 5 days allowed compassionate leave from work, luckily I had annual leave and work part time as organising your father's funeral over Christmas when all the people who are supposed to support you are on leave sucks massively. Especially when you have no siblings.
If I was going to a friend's funeral I would expect to take annual leave as I am sorry but that is just how it works sometimes.
For me if I was to attend the funeral of an aunt or uncle it would be annual leave.

Standard? Okay, but my friends matter much more to me than family.

So you want compassionate leave because you belong to a dysfunctional family? FFS.

MrsDonofrio - the reason you have to make up your time as a student nurse is because there's a minimum number of hours you have to attend to get your qualification registered with the NMC. There's no wriggle room on it at all.

Sorry to all regarding bereavements. It's very difficult.

I've had to take Annual Leave for every funeral I've ever been to.... even when I was the organiser of my grandfather's, I didn't get anything. Parents, partner, child only for us.

Geordie That is very judgemental. I am older and know a number of lesbian and gay people who have only occasional contact with parents, because their parents struggle with their child being lesbian or gay, Not that unusual in the generation of 80 year olds plus.

It’s awful OP. I really feel for you. I was not able to go to my best friends funeral, even though I had been very involved in actually organising it. I couldn’t take annual leave, I am a teacher and we are not allowed to take any time off outside of the school holidays. I ask for unpaid leave but was turned down and told I would be subject to serious disciplinary action if I was absent that day. I’m still hurting 5 years later.

HollaHolla - my university builds in 100 extra hours above the NMC requirement; it more than covers the few days I took to grieve my parent

I really feel for everyone here who has been badly treated. It beggars belief not getting compassionate leave for the death of a parent or partner.

Definitely only annual leave i’m afraid in my workplace. Whatever your family/friend set-up.

It’s so rubbish OP. I was having this conversation with a friend recently and we both agreed that at our ages, we would be so much more upset and in need of a days leave if a close friend died as opposed to a very elderly grandparent. These workplace policies are a blunt instrument. If it’s any consolation my contract specifies a very strict list of immediate relatives too.