To be annoyed that no compassionate leave?

[crunchymint]

I am going to a funeral of a close friend and have to take annual leave.

I’m in a school and have heard horror stories from other schools not even allowing unpaid leave for Amy but parents and siblings. Luckily my school is much more understanding and although they have a rule regarding close family they will look st individual cases.

Problem is where to draw the line. I am close to my family but I also have quite a few friends, maybe half a dozen that I consider very close and maybe another half a dozen that I would still absolutely attend their funerals.
And then you have the partners of the close friends where you go to support the bereaved. If you are a social person then it could be loads. The line is drawn as it is absolute.

It is normal I am afraid, and I agree it should be.

Whilst I am not in any way suggesting this of you, I work with someone who goes to a friend or relative's "funeral" ten or more times a year, always on a Friday. Why she doesn't just say she wants leave to go to the pub I have no idea, I think she thinks if she says a funeral no one will get fed up and say "you are never in on a Friday, and we are sick of covering all the crap shifts".

It's open to abuse I am afraid. I would also be happy to forgo a day of my A/L to pay my respects to a dear friend. No hesitation.

Also compassionate leave here (massive corporate) is a week I think for a parent/spouse/child only, on the basis that you not only have the funeral to attend but arrangements to make. Special leave at manager's discretion is also available on a case to case basis.

Think of it this way - if it is a good friend, then you would give up annual leave for them.

Your company isn’t really to know that your friends are more important than family. They don’t know that to be true.

Pretty standard.

It's also just close family ie parents, siblings. My DH was given special leave when his DF passed away and for his funeral, but he had to use annual leave for his DGPs' funerals.

I can't believe that some bosses won't allow annual leave at short notice for a funeral. The majority are at short notice, aren't they, as normally the funeral is one week after the death.

Sorry about your loss, OP.

Where I work it is spouse, parent, or child. (up to 5 days) everyone else, cousins, aunts, sibligns, friends is your own annual leave or unpaid.

I suppose with a close relative you are more likely to be involved in organising the funeral and have things you have to sort out.

I am sorry to hear you have lost such an important friend.

Its pretty standard to only apply for imediate family members. I know more than one person who has been refused for a grandparent funeral

“God, if my employer denied me the use of my annual leave for a funeral at short notice I would resign”

Annual leave is not the same as compassionate leave. CL does not come out of your AL allowance. Sorry for your loss OP, but it is standard that CL is for close relatives only. If it wasn’t there would be far too many people abusing the system.

It’s normal I’m afraid.

When a great-aunt I was very close to died, my manager told me that I wasn’t allowed compassionate leave to attend the funeral, and that I could choose between taking it as annual leave or unpaid leave.
Compassionate leave was only allowed for grandparents/ partners/ siblings/ your own children.

Sorry for your loss.

I was 'lucky' I got CL for both my grandparents deaths & funerals.

I care for mostly elderly people & couldn't face being at work.

I don't think I would get CL for a friend but I would definitely get annual leave at short notice.

Do you need a full day?

Where I work we can pop out to a funeral without taking leave, so if it's at 11, then leave at 10 and back at work at 2. It's at manager's discretion obviously and assumes good will and no piss-taking, but seems a reasonable approach.

It really depends on your employer, but also on your own circumstances and work ethic. Whilst my employer's policy doesn't specify compassionate leave for grandparents, I was granted it for my grandmother because I spoke about her often (we are a small family) and I hadn't needed compassionate leave for anybody else during the five years prior (so wasn't off every few months for somebody).

Close family only is normal. Sometimes that excludes family removed by only one step, i.e. grandparents, aunts & uncles, nephews/nieces, and cousins. Literally only parents and siblings or children.

In most places it is immediate family. A friend of mine was brought up by her grandparents and couldn’t get compassionate leave for her grandfather who was in effect her father. I had to use annual leave for my grandmothers death. When my dad died I got three days so had to get a bereavement sick line for two weeks from my go.

Ah right Pengggwn. I see what you mean. I would have thought that funerals would always be shortish notice because you can't predict that someone is going to die in three months time for example.

They have to draw the line somewhere. Our company was "immediate family". Now it depends on the relationship.

It's standard OP. Sounds harsh but if she's that close a friend surely she's worth a days leave?

Sending deepest sympathies 💐

Sadly tho employers have to have standard rules in place as we all know there are people who would just take the mick if there wasn't. But at same time I always feel there should be managers discretion available.

In NHS it's parents, spouse and children who are the only people you get 1 day compassionate leave for to attend funeral.

It's not nice, but I find myself in a slightly similar situation.
My DP was admitted to hospital between Christmas and NY. He had emergency surgery, he nearly lost his life. The surgery was life changing, and it will be a long road to independence. That said, I am grateful to still have him here.
I could not return to work, due to the situation that we were in. I took the first 2 days as 'carer's leave'. I have now had to take over a week in annual leave, in order to care for him. While he was 'out of the critical care', and an inpatient, I returned to work. I had no choice.
He was home before the weekend, and I foolishly thought that he would be ok on his own this week. Unfortunately, he was only released due to the hospital needing the bed. As we have nobody who can be with him today, I made the decision to stay with him today. Tomorrow his adult son can be here for the afternoon, so I can return to work. He needs care, but will need further surgery this year. I'm tearing my hair out to justify leaving him at him, with additional needs. My heart tells me to stay home and support his recovery. My head forces my hand.
I have used a quarter of my annual holiday allowance already. It seems like an unfair situation, but I accept that it is the law.
Unfortunately there are so many people who would take the piss, given a change in law.
I lost a very close friend last year. My heart was shattered, but I took annual leave for his funeral. I was in bits for a while.
It is a shitty situation. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

I'm sorry you have had to deal with this hewas

I am so very lucky that when my husband had to have life saving surgery my boss told me to take as long as I liked. I took about 3 weeks off, and when I went back to work they were surprised to see me. I didn't want to take the piss though. OH has since made a full recovery, as I hope your DP does

Op i think the same as you, much closer to friends than most family (with exception of m&d) no siblings etc

I’m so sorry for your loss

Every place I've worked compassionate leave has been only for partner/dh/dw, parent or child.