To be annoyed that no compassionate leave?

[crunchymint]

I am going to a funeral of a close friend and have to take annual leave.

That's a pretty good solution actually OP, bit morbid though! Having to write down the four people you would be saddest to lose and having to keep it updated when your friendships change over the years lol.

Though four seems so small to me, there are easily 20-30 friends I'd feel compelled to attend the funerals of, including attending the funerals of my closest friends' parents which mine did for me. Which is why I'm fine using leave when it comes to it, can't expect an employer to facilitate people attending the funeral of all of their loved ones with the average persons social group and paying them.

Crunchymint that scheme sounds lovely as an idea but in practice would take manhours to keep updated and an eye on (what if people wanted to change etc, you can change friends you cant change family) - what business is going to want to do that.

Family is concrete and easy to monitor and keep fair. Its not necessarily about who is most important but for whom there can be simple and straightforward rules about that apply to everyone

That said there should be some scope for allowing it in some circumstances

I know friends who have cared for terminally ill friends with no family involvement at all. Yes many still think family members are more important for everyone. I would be fine with a scheme where you can only nominate say 4 people you are close to

I totally agree OP. Everyone assumes that the nuclear family is everything and other ways of organising one's life are invisible. It's not fair. If you get x days of compassionate leave a year then you should be able to use it. If checks are required then they should be the same for everybody.

My dh got half a at for my dads funeral
Had to take annual leave for the rest of the day

Half a day

I would want to attend more funerals than 4. But I take the point about the amount of compassionate leave. If you can nominate say 4 people, that gets over the old fashioned idea that it is family who is important for everyone. Whether that is a friend, or a more distant relative. My mum was brought up by her Aunt after her mother died. Then HR don't need to judge.

mrsreynolds I would get nothing for in laws either.

Everywhere I've worked it's been immediate family only - parents or siblings, not even counting grandparents.

So yes, that's standard procedure. I am very sorry for your loss, having just lost a friend myself.

Sorry for your loss, OP, it must be an awful shock losing your friend. I agree that friends are the family we choose for ourselves.

That said, a day from your Leave is surely a small price worth paying for the honour of remembering your friend and paying your last respects.

At a time like this, focus on the priority rather than stress yourself out - life is often illogical and unfair. I would let it go, if I were you.

OP this varies a bit depending on where you work. Some places will be more flexible but it is likely that the official line in most companies is very close family only. This may seem unfair but to be honest I think most people don't begrudge using annual leave for this sort of thing. If you need further time off, which would be understandable with someone very close, then you may need to take time off sick.

My former place of work gave me no compassionate leave following the death of my father

'You could ask that about any death. Why is it an issue to use annual leave?

No, you really can't. Child loss, for example.

My employer gives time off (paid) for funerals of family members and friends. I know people who've gone to the funerals of their friends' parents, eg. They trust people to take the minimum number of hours necessary and not take the piss.

Surely you knew this from your employee hand book or contract?

Sorry for your loss.

not sure how anyone polices this but I understand you are annoyed

there are certain close rellies for whom I'd not need

best friend -eek, I'd be in bits forever. I suppose this is where a discretionary policy comes in handy

or say it's a sister or something

sorry for your loss.

Any kind of nomination system would be hugely complex to administer, it would have to allow for changes and could easily be manipulated if you knew someone was terminally ill. Would it be a one off number of people, what would be the rules on changing your names, would you allow new people on the list if one was to die?

Sorry for your loss now but imo most employers use a close family definition as it's the only feasible way to manage it

God, if my employer denied me the use of my annual leave for a funeral at short notice I would resign.

You must not need a job at all then if you could afford to leave a job just like that

The idea of 'nominating' people is ridiculous.
I mean, I'm sorry your friend has died, but it is sensible to keep a couple of days AL for 'unexpected circumstances.'

If you had to 'nominate people' you could get compassionate leave for, you'd presumably weight that towards people you were expecting to pass away sooner rather than later. You really think that it would be right for your employer to refuse you compassionate leave for the sudden, unexpected death of a spouse, sibling, or even child ?
Daftest idea I've heard in a long while.

4 people normination could be managed the same way some companies manage it now though surely?

also re close relatives, how do companies manage that anyway? Do they just say parents or children or something?

Luckily I've only worked in places where it's been discretionary or if not, the boss has not reported to HR in order to save me a couple of days' leave.

Completely standard
We only give paid compassionate leave for death of immediate family - so spouse, parent, sibling, grandparent or child. Not for Aunts/uncles/cousins etc - and definitely not friends. there is some discretion if someone was, for example, raised by their Aunt so they replace a parent - but that is rare.
I'm in the education sector, it's annual leave or unpaid leave here.

Someone has to pay for your day out of work. Employers effectively pay for it’s close family. If it’s friends then you pay. I think that’s reasonable. It’s not really about how sad you are. If you hesitate to pay with a day’s leave for your own dear friend then imagine how your employer feels.

I don’t mean to sound harsh there and I am sorry for your loss. But the rule makes sense to me.

At my workplace, compassionate leave is only for very close family - that means parents, partner or child ONLY - which resolves the problem of various family sizes.
Everything else is take annual leave or leave with no pay even....that's perfectly standard. How close the friend is to you doesn't count I'm afraid.

Nominating 4 people would leave me (and I guess a lot of other people) worse off than now.

Under my current employer i get compassionate leave for my parents, siblings and (please God no) my children. For me that's 6 people. Which 2 do i leave off under the 4 person system?

Oh and dh. So that's 7 people.

I think its incredibly stupid to have the situation where someone is coming into work deeply upset and asking for leave to attend a funeral and someone is whipping out a clipboard to check if they qualify.

Any employer who actually gave a shit about the happiness (and hence productivity) of their employees would not implement such a system.

It is a mystery to me why companies seem to think you get the best out of people (yes PEOPLE) by treating them like shit.